Court, child, and still want to be with her!

[sheep]

Hi,

 

I’m 28, she is 33, daughter 4. Together 7 years. Home together but in her name.

 

I had got a call from a friend telling this girl a state away was trying to get a hold of me. Lets call her “pepsi” ! Friend “joe”! So Joe call and gave me a number and to call her. Forgot 8 years ago I had a Rabbit fest, u should now what I mean! A friend of a friend deal. But I wasn’t going to call, sorry out of luck pal! Into the trash it went, day after Joe gave it to me. Few days after that Joe calls again and tells me NOT to call, why? “Just trash it he said” To late Joe, I trash it. Week later I get a message it was “pepis” . Called Joe to ask what is going on? He hasn’t called me since them! I took a few days and it started to get to me, why. So I called one day and she was call to say she was sorry for the was she treated me long ago. Oh ok it took 8 years ! Maybe A.A. meetings like she had to do that to get to the next step. We got off the phone and I was rubbing my head, why? Few days past and she called again and then told me that I might have a 7 year old daughter. Holly S111..!.. And asked for me to take a test. I sure will. Let me know. Well we had talked for hours on the phone. And I was scared to talk to “Grace x’s name”. Man it felt like Jerry Springer show. Well Pepsi was starting to call more and more. I also felt like I was cheating but Pepsi was the only one I could talk to about. It all was just talk but I held it from Grace. We had talked for a month or so just about every day. Supporting what needed to be done and how to go about it. I wasn’t going to talk to Grace about it till I new for a fact. Also Grace and I were having a bad time together and was on the rocks. Something was in the air and making a lot of stress on me and Grace. Me hiding something, her thinking something was up. That made it worst for me. I was lying, more stress and on top of that a new job which I lost with this time period. Lot of stress! Grace and I were fighting and doing it front of our daughter. Not good, I hated that and walked away till things cooled of. She couldn’t, she followed me just to keep it coming. I didn’t have to say a word. Well I decided I need to get way for a little bit and stay over my parents house. At that time she was great with that idea. So I rolled out and took a few things and went. MORE STRESS. Few days later the cell phone bill came in, Busted. Man I wait to long and now I’m a cheater. I tried to tell her what was going on and boy it didn’t help. She was done and not able to be around her much sucked and I did feel like a cheater. Its been a few months now and she got a exparte “sp” on me. Well I went over like I have a few times in the morning to take my daughter to school even after the order was made. This time she wasn’t going to let me in. I was crying and asking her to forgive me for not letting her know what was going on and the amount of stress that it has had on me. She wanted me to leave that I was going to make her late for work. Well if I took my child to daycare you would have more time. Nope not going to happen. I went back into my jeep called and said I was going wait. 2 minutes later the cops show up. I got locked up for a few hours and had a 50,000 bail. 5,000 to the bails bonds and out I went. “I need that job, 5gs 10 minutes” Now no contact at all, I didn’t know what she was going to do and didn’t want to be locked up again. 3 days pasted and I want to see my daughter and wanted talk to Grace. Later at night I called and left a message, I hope you “YOU” and My daughter are ok. No reply. Then the next day I had a court order for emergency child support. One week from that day, She wanted everything But I was still paying bills. Then a letter from her lawyer. So I went and got my own just in case. Now I’m upset and she is holding the bat. Lawyers Talked at the court and wanted to get it right before court started. This is so messed up. My lawyer can back to me and said she wants supervised visitation and $700 a month. Glad I have parents, or Ill be living in my Jeep. But I didn’t go with that. Way to much for what I make! Lawyers talked more then mine returned. They are going to extort you. “blackmail” You can do that or they will go down stairs in the court house and use the message I had sent tell HER that every things ok and that it didn’t change how I feel about her. Well, now I not going anywhere, No money and cant take the parents with me and they cant do anything really what they want to do. It’s like a family house arrest.

 

Now I love this woman and love can be blind but its been a few months and I have hated every minute of it. And she had told me to that she was going to find another man. That really hurts and I truly have never crossed that line. Grace is not the type to want to talk about a relationships or feeling and has always seemed like she really didn’t care when together. Now years ago we split and I start to see someone and Grace tracked me down like a fox. Now she is the fox and I cant even look or talk nothing for 6 months. I have my daughter every day half days and most weekends. I had my daughter tonight and had her call Mom before bed. I couldn’t take it, ask to see the phone, got on and right away started crying and begging not to use this call against me, please. I told her I missed her and Loved her and don’t care about the arrest and things said on the paper work for court. Loves Blind…She went on to say you left me with all the bills, 2 dogs, 2 cats and all the work in keeping up the house. I’m a loser that ran and now all is gone. I messed up and broke a family apart just from not telling her from the get go. And I didn’t do a thing on those lines of cheating. Talk, cheating yes. I did it and didn’t know who to turn to besides Pepsi. Now I the mean time Pepsi and I have become friends and she has helped so much with me being in a break down state for weeks. I had lost every thing that matters to me and it was over a phone bill. I miss my 2 two girls, Grace and daughter. I’m now able to see my daughter and have had her over the weekend. I just cant get over this split,they were my life and I lost them both. People tell me I haven’t lost my daughter and they are true in a sense but I lost the times you can only have when living together. It funny how the things you might hate at the time like bath time or get my daughter up and ready for school. Man it’s a hardhack, but you miss it when you don’t have it.

 

Now she hanging out with a friend that does cheat on her boyfriend, girls at work are no better. One of which”you are going to like this one” I met at crab feast and meet her boyfriend, lol, we went to her girls birthday party and after hanging out she introduced me to her husband. Now the one that does cheat Jayce is known for trying to hook grace up. How do I know, I was in the bedroom one morning and the two was on the deck talking about things like that. Grace I don’t think has ever cheated on me. But I think of the birds of a feather flock together. I have a feeling that she’s going out and going to hook up just to get back at me. Knowing she has with them and they have tried before, grace told me too. Put it this way we went out one night and Jayce was along with us and doing the same stuff flirting. Well Grace was talking to some friend and jayce and I were playing some pool and the flirting with me started again. The I was told “If your girlfriend was out tonight I would f your brains out” Wow shock! I laughed at it and kept playing pool. It was eating at me for a day or two and felt Grace should know, well she didn’t believe me a asked her at work the next day. Of course She said NO and I was a liar. Letter that day Jayce called out. Now from that day on Jayce has been trying to get her away from me and tying to hook her up with others. Grace think I have something for Jayce. Yeap cutie but a , Id never.

 

What do I do?

Turn my head and walk away?

Move on?

6months is a long time and she did say she was going to start looking?

 

What if she does sleep with someone, Id still forgive her but what will happen to the sex relationship with us if she ever comes back?

 

I love this woman and down want a brake up, I want my family together.

 

How can I go about trying to fix this, I miss her and just about every night fall asleep with tears of losing her. Her trust in me is gone. How do I trust her?

 

Im just lost and ly ly land.

[robowarrior]

The life lesson for you to learn.

 

"put your hands in the fire, and you will get burned"

 

This is the price for you being dishonest with her, basically a ghost from the past has come back to haunt you. Grace doesn't want to hear it anymore, she is fed up with you and considers you a liar!.

 

This is important to know, because you'll understand then that everything you say will fall onto deaf mans ears. You can't write her a letter about it, because the court loves stuff like that to make you hang. The court needs to be involved as little as possible, as they only consume your money and make things far more difficult.

 

Ok , what to do is the following. They say it might take a boy to make a girl pregnant, but it takes a man to raise and take care of his family. You have a responsibility towards your daughter(s). They both deserve to know and see you. However, with that possible daugther from the other state, you need to figure out wether she is your true daughter or not. That way you can tell to Grace that you have a responsibility towards your daughter in that other state. You know Grace and Pespi you severely messed that up, i wouldn't even say a word about it, just be a great father for your daugher(s). However, when things are a big mess, you need to clean up.

 

You see a relationship isn't just about loving eachother, there needs to be a logical structure that supports the way how things go, as you can see life has been complete chaos for you, which in other words means that there is no fundamental logical structure for the way how you arrange things in your life.

 

Actions are attached to consequenses. Think twice before you act, you've seen what happened. From this point on you have to touch everything with silk gloves.

 

Basically as i said before its too late to tell Grace the truth, but maby there will be a day that she will ask for it herself. If that happens, you must say the following.

 

"I got a call, that i might had a 7 year old daughter in another state, of course that send me into panic, i didn't know what to do and i had to think about my responsibilities that i had towards that child, it happened 8 years ago before i even met you, and this was totally unexpected and caused the high phone bill ,i can only say sorry and ask for forgiveness, for you thinking i was cheating on you, which i wasn't but i should have been honest to you.

 

I will take my responsibility for my daughter(s) and the 2 cats,2 dogs and will pay for the bills, and take care for the household.

 

You see, you basically have to solve the things that she holds against you, and do EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER NOT TO SCREW UP AGAIN!!!. You fully realise your walking a very thin line here,do you?

 

Love for your daughters and grace ok, but its time for you to take responsibility for your actions, look Grace represents 50% of your daughter, in a healthy relationship you two should be one flesh, meaning that you should always be honest towards her, and tell her important things that concern your relationship. Work hard on your relationship, take responsibility as a man, make these errors a thing of the past, and see thru the consequenses of your actions. You can't just 'do' things in life, because there's always attachments that are like tripwires that you need to be aware off. You need to be far more cautious of the things you do, preventing a mess, is better then healing like you have to do now.

 

You need to get everything logically arranged in your life to put things in order again. You need to be honest to Grace, and you need to prevent further disaster, and you need to take responsibility for your actions.

 

The question isn't really if she cheats on you or not, you'd only have yourself to blame for not being there for her, or for your daughter. What you need to do is for the millionth time take responsibility for your actions. Take care of your family like you are supposed to do, even if that means that you have extended family in another state.

 

Another warning' trust takes time', it will take to my estimate at least 3 years of you being completely honest with Grace before she'd give you a dime of trust, which i can't blame her. When trust is broken, its very hard to fix it again. You need to take a step back, from where you went wrong (namely not telling her about the phone conversation) and if she'd ever ask for it, tell how it really happened, once you told her, you can fill in more gaps of where she feels you have been dishonest to her, and put honesty in place there, so she'd slighty hopefully regains some trust in you.

[sheep]

Thanks robowarrior, I think shes fed up. We had a relationship where I "didnt do enough" and she could do better. She was and is the love of my life and it is really hard to let go. I have to now by word of court, and have found no way of getting over it. I miss being there and dealing with everyday life in a family setting. Im just lost! Dont know where to start and hate the feeling that she wont come back. LOST

[sheep]

Change of heart! I think Im starting to break from her cloud of hate and have seen for years that I was the one being treated like shyt. All in all if I couldn't talk to her about it then something was wrong there, shouldn't have had to worry. Found out to that she has been seeing someone for a year or so. That explains the every Friday night out with the girls and every other not coming home or calling. One not she had called about 3:30 am or so and said she was to drunk to drive home. While shes on the phone I had over heard her friend talking and another guy answering. Then a second guys voice pops up, well I said, you said it was only you and your girlfriend, who is that? Oh It's the TV. Right, he started to talk to her in the middle of her telling me it was the TV. Man I have been a retard.