Contact her in this case?

[danq]

My girlfriend and I have been seeing eachother for 1.5 years (she is 22, I am 24), and have been in a long distance relationship for most of that time. There have been no dramatic problems, but the other day she told me (by email) that lately she felt like maybe we aren't right for eachother, and that she now has feelings for someone else. She said we might stay together, but she needs time off from our relationship first.

 

The day she told me this, obviously I was in bad shape. I love her more than anything in the world and can't imagine living without her. I tried not to seem too upset, but it was obvious that I was badly hurt, and I told her to email me if she wanted to talk, and not to call me (that day, I would probably have broken down).

 

It's now been a few days, and we haven't talked to eachother. I want to tell her that I'm doing well and have been working to improve aspects of my life other than our relationship. But I can't do that if she, only remembering my being broken and depressed, decides to end our relationship and says so in an email. And the fact that she is with someone else makes it seem more likely that she'll decide to break things off without really talking to me first. If she calls, it at least gives me a chance to tell her how I'm doing first.

 

So I'm wondering if I should write her a short email telling her that I'm doing well and not to worry about me, and that she is welcome to call me, not email me, when she's ready. Thoughts?

 

Edit: By the way, she says she still loves me very much. But she may just be saying that to make me feel better.

[whoops]

no get on with your life - any contact puts you back until at least a year has passed

[in_love]

we aren't right for eachother, and that she now has feelings for someone else.

 

hmmm.... I think theres your answer!

 

If she feels like she has feelings for someone else I dont think there is anything that you can do to change that!

 

What you can do is just get on with life, ride out the blitz of emotions and improve yourself, just become invisible to her. If she realises that she made a mistake then at least you have control, you will have the choice whether or not to take her back! In this situation, with a 3rd party already involved I think there is not a thing you can do except to do NOTHING.

 

Most rebounds dont last. They almost always end in heart ache and pain. I have personally done exactly what she has done to you now and I can tell you that after a while I REALLY realised that I had made a mistake.

[fr0st]

Im going to agree with In love her if she stated she has feelings for someone else thats not a good sign at all. As it shows she was comfortable with her feelings enough to express them to you. I dont see any harm in writing a letter it may even make you feel better, but write it with confidence.

[heloladies21]

IF you have anything to say to her, obviously you should get it off your chest. But she's not gonna care about you working on yourself or any of that. At best it's gonna ease her guilt about dumping you for someone else, but what's that doing for you?

 

So say what you have to say, but if she's still with the dude then you have your final answer and can move on with no doubts.

[ibenhad]

It amazes me how many people can be in a LTR and just let go if they find someone they feel "might" be better. Yet they keep you around as backup. This really sucks and shows us what a disposable society we have become. Even in our relationships. Dude move on and let her go. Don't chase, don't email, don't text and just act as if you disappeared from the planet. If she loved you she will come back. Im in almost 2 months of NC and it is painful as hell but I am working on me. Good luck.

[danq]

She hasn't officially dumped me yet, and I don't know how close she is with this guy right now. She may not have even told him her feelings, and she may be spending time alone trying to figure out how she feels. She said she's confused.

 

Or she may already be in a full on relationship with the other guy, and all this talk about confusion, still loving me, and there still being a chance, may just be her attempt at softening the breakup. At this point, I really have no idea.

[smiles21]

Man does this all sound familiar. First time me and my ex broke up, she was seeing this guy from her work, and she wanted to further it. Not saying I didn't push her away, as I neglected her. But she decided to pursue it, we broke up, and then she started calling and texting 3 months later. I guess he was nuts, not sure.. but she came back to me.

 

We broke up again, and I've maintained NC, as she is hanging out with my old friends, living it up, she will break down again.. I'm doing things to better myself for me. Dunno I'f I'd take her back again.. we were fighting a lot, and I neglected her, and the same to me. Time will tell.

[danq]

I think the real question to ask yourself is NOT will she come back to you but what you want from this relationship and what you're willing to accept (or not) ...

 

I want to stay with her, no question about it. Like I said, we've had no dramatic problems, the relationship has been wonderful for the most part. Only lately, I think I'd been neglecting her, for reasons that I'm working on now. And I think that because of that, and the difficulty of being long distance, she started to become unhappy in our relationship. But we can work on that...

[danq]

There are specific issues she mentioned that I could show her I'm working on. But she said she needs time away from the relationship, so if I email her, I hesitate to talk about our relationship.

[Firedancer03]

I can't believe she is doing this to you! She isn't officially broken up with you but she is starting to see someone else? That is not the way you treat someone, especially someone that you love. I'm so sorry you are going through this, but if I were you, I would break it off with her before she can break it off with you first and drop off the face of the planet. Start NC immediately and don't look back unless she says she wants to try again. Seriously, no one deserves to be treated the way she is treating you. You deserve better, much much better than this.