Feeling sorry for myself, and annoyed by it

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

I'm going to China tomorrow for two weeks. I need to get out of here and take a break from all the mania related to my ex, work, and my nutty family. I haven't been able to get excited about the trip so far. I think it's because the no contact I've been trying to uphold from my ex has been difficult to do since I see her twice a week. This will be a much needed break from that garbage but still I'm feeling something that I don't think I should be. She seems to be taking all of this very well. We're over, so why do I care? I was talking with a friend, and he suggested that she probably isn't as torn up about this because the relationship we had was really just a functional thing for her. Despite all the claims of love she had for me her actions and indifference at the end would suggest that love was short lived. And that bothers me a lot because she did such a good job of pursuing and charming me. I fell for it all. Am I selfish for wanting to be missed, even a little bit? Is it wrong to want her to feel some kind of sadness – not because I want her to be in pain - because I want to have meant something to her? Does all this sound as whiny to you as it does in my head? Why does this stuff have to be so damn complicated anyway?image removed

 

* sigh *

[L.J.]

Reluctant Rebuilder,

 

I feel for you and understand what you are going through for I am the same. I wish I can get out to take a break but I can't because of work and I don't have my family here with me. I live alone in this country. Here is the link to my thread:

 

No, you are not selfish for wanting to be missed, to want her to feel sad. Maybe someday she will, or maybe not .. but that's ok. More important than not, you sound like a decent guy and you were sincere when you brought your heart into the relationship. It's hard but please hang in there ...we can !!

 

I am glad you are taking a break to China. If you have not been there before, everything is going to be a fresh experience for you, the culture, the people, food, everything. There is much to learn and experience. You might not feel excited about the trip now, but you will when you reach there ... it's interestingly challenging even if you speak Mandarin .... Damn complicated in a positive way.

 

Have a good trip and try to enjoy yourself ... you deserve it.

[L.J.]

If you are going to Beijing and want to visit the Great Wall ..... go to Si Ma Tai. That's the most original section of the wall.

 

If you are in Shanghai, catch a 45 minute ride by train to Suzhou ... beautiful, beautiful gardens. They call it "paradise on earth", "Venice of the East"

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

Thanks for your responses Ellie and L.J. I'll be in Xiang, Beijing, Nanjing and possibly Shanghai time permitting. Will definitely try Peking Duck. L.J. I really hope things turn around for you. You sound like a really decent guy too and it sucks to be hurting like that.

 

See y'all when I get back.