Can Best Friends Be Soulmates?

[ltorivia]

I think I am in love with my best friend. (I am 21, he is 22)

 

I have known him for almost four years now. He has been dating his current girlfriend for six years. This is going to sound like a love triangle:

 

We are different personalities but share many similar values. There is a strong emotional bond between us. It's so hard to explain but it feels so good. We have similar interests and can finish each other sentences!! We can sense each other's presense even if we're hundred of miles apart. Time can pass by and we could care less as long as we were together. He told me that he loves me like a sister and he can talk about ANYTHING around me. He feels like he has known me FOREVER. We share advice together. We help each other in need. We think about each other. There is a lot of attraction. That's what he likes so much about our friendship.

 

Few weeks ago, I decided I would distance myself away from him because I cannot love him when he's already in a committed relationship. Yet when I left town for several days, his girlfriend called me saying he's very depressed and very worried about me. When I came back home, he at the last minute ditched his buddies so that he could spend more time with me. He told me he had an empty, scary feeling: I had become a part of his life, and he does not want to lose it because it is too special to him. If anything bad had happened to me, he would have lost a part of his soul. I wanted to cry because I could not tell him I love him. I do not want to ruin their relationship especially since they are both engaged.

 

People have noticed he and I are very close emotionally and spiritually. It might become too awkward as we get older. I cannot date him and I cannot leave him either. What should I do? Does he really love me back?

[robowarrior]

When your sucked up into a triangle affair, the only thing you can do is jump out. Let me show you what's happening. You see, sometimes in life you have to choose between two fires, going thru these fires will cause pain no matter what your choice would have been. So basically, if you stay with him, you will prolong the misery with no end in sight. You will explode and the whole thing will erupt into misery beyond your imagination. Or you can jump out which will cause him and you pain, but that over time will go away.

 

And to be honest, there's only one choice here to be made, and that is to leave him and push him out of your life. Even if it hurts its better, because the other choice will only mean prolonged misery for god knows how long. Show spine and firm resolution in the decisions you make, last time you backed out, i say this time you stay firm and resolute and leave once and for all!

[BornToResist]

He told me that he loves me like a sister...

 

Sweety, this must be very hard on you. You have feelings for him, but by saying what is written above, he most likely meant it.

 

He has feelings for you, but they are platonic. You might be extremely important to him and a huge part of his life that he will never be able to fill again, but I'm scared you're going to get your heart broken.

 

You have unrealistic expectations of your relationship. He has a gf, his romantic loyalty lies there. They are even engaged.

 

You need to do what you can to distance yourself from him. I'm positive it will be very painful, but it will ultimately allow you to move on and find an amazing love of your own.

[ariyadhana]

I think you need to tell him. Maybe he does feel the same way and just feels like he can't get away from his current GF. Just tell him and see what he says. If he rejects you you will have your answer and it will make it easier to move on without wondering "what if". I was in this EXACT same situation, and trust me, sometimes when you have feelings for someone you have a very close bond with, it can feel like those feelings are being reciprocated even when they are not - platonic feelings can be quite strong. Tell him and get your peace of mind.

[WAlien]

I think that you're very lucky to be able to have such a wonderful friend in your life.

 

However this is a decision you'll have to make. If your best friend loves you back, I'm sure he is already aware that best friends last forever but lovers don't always.

 

If you think you love him enough to tell him your feelings, you need to be ready to sacrifice everything you have ever had with him. I'm not saying that things won't work out. If it does, then it's wonderful but if it doesn't, those are the consequences you'll have to face.

 

No, my post sounds almost negative. >.> In a positive way though, I think you should just monitor the situation for awhile before you decide.

[ltorivia]

BorntoResist, I tried distancing myself but I felt compelled to come back. If I had been gone too long, he would have brought a search party for me! And I'm not joking. He cannot imagine not hearing from me.

[Marco311]

more proof that men and women who are attracted to each other can never be "just friends". I would tell him. Get it out there, At least you will know. Better than not knowing.

[ltorivia]

Does anyone else have any advice?

 

Can men and women truly be best friends without developing feelings for each other? I guess you can say our friendship is strong emotionally and spiritually. I am always on his mind, he said, and does not want anything bad to happen to me. I think about him too and like his personality. I told him I fear that I will lose him. He told me we will always be together.