NOT coming off as needy...

[WantToBeLuved]

Ok, there's a bunch of different things going on with this situation, so it can go into a whole bunch of other forums here, but I think this is the best suited one.

 

This young lady hit me up on myspace about 2 weeks ago and we've been chating since then. We exchanged phone numbers about a week ago but haven't talked for more then 5 mins on the phone with each other. I think it's mainly because we talk for about an hour or so every night online, so there is no reason to call.... right???

 

I mean, we talk online, so you would think I wouldn't have to call. But for some reason, I've been feeling like I'm not doing the right thing. I feel like I should call her every once in a while. I don't want her to think I'm scared to talk to her over the phone. But at the same time, I don't want to come off as needy. I mean, we just talked online. Wouldn't I come off a little needy if we talked online....AND I called her? Maybe I'm just confusing myself.... But I think it means and says something a lil' extra when you call someone up and speak to them, as opposed to sending them an IM. But again, I don't wanna come off as needy. We plan to meet in a few weeks and I don't want her thinking that she's about to meet up with a clingy dude.

[sixpounder]

i guess if you guys exchanged phone numbers in the first place, it would make more sense to call rather than use IM. maybe since you guys talk over the internet it would make sense that you would only phone her once in a while; say maybe 2 or 3 times a week. but instead of IMing all the time, i find it alot easier to get to know some1 when i talk to them directly. so insteading of IMing so much ask her if she just wants to talk over the phone

[Batya33]

I would stop chatting on line or on the phone until you meet in person since typing and talking have no relevance really to whether you will click in person and can creat unrealistic expectations. Meet in person asap, tell her that you think it's best to hold off on talking much more before that point and call her to confirm time/place.

[WantToBeLuved]

We actually have a time set up for when we're going to meet. I'm setting up what we are going to do that day. She's the one that usually IM's me. I don't really IM her, but I do always answer her back. Maybe I shouldn't answer her back all the time?

[englishwoman41]

Hi, i swapped cell numbers with a man who constantly sends me text messages 2 weeks ago. He says he is separated but hasnt called me, he just sends me lots of messages and im planning to meet him this weekend but have my doubts as to why he hasnt called. I am confused and i dont want to call him as i feel awkward.I have a feeling that all is not as it seems and if i try and ask certain questions he avoids the situation and changes the subject.

What are your thoughts on this ?

[WantToBeLuved]

Well, my thoughts are I better call this girl a little more so she doesn't think I'm hiding something. lol

[englishwoman41]

I would and she would probably want you too deep down.

[Honey_30]

i dont think typing to someone or talking on the phone has no relevance ...i think its a great way to get to know someone from the inside out. of course meeting up for real will be the deciding factor.

i would still talk online and call her. ask her if she wants to talk on the phone daily. or is she happy with 2/3 times a week.

needy is ringing her 30 times a day.

[sidehop]

I rather talk on the phone. I mean are you going to 'chat' when you're with this person over typing? Why not talk live? I'm sorry but that's the reason why I have yet to ask my g/f for her MSN ID or anything. I hate it, I rather hear her voice everyday and be with her. Instant messaging is as great as email but it's never personal...

[Honey_30]

sometimes the phone bill can become very expensive, if you live far away from each other ..i agree though talking on the phone.or at least through the headset on msn with cams is way more personal than just typing.

[Batya33]

I would plan for a one hour meeting for a walk in a public park or coffee/a soda - you have no idea if you two will click in person - "plans" can be for the second date, if there is one.

[Haven]

Wouldn't I come off a little needy if we talked online....AND I called her? Maybe I'm just confusing myself.... But I think it means and says something a lil' extra when you call someone up and speak to them, as opposed to sending them an IM. But again, I don't wanna come off as needy. We plan to meet in a few weeks and I don't want her thinking that she's about to meet up with a clingy dude.

She's the one that usually IM's me. I don't really IM her, but I do always answer her back. Maybe I shouldn't answer her back all the time?

Since she's the one initiating the IM conversations, I don't think it would come off as needy if you called her later. However, if you IMed her first AND called her later, and this happened daily, it would definitely come off as needy. But going by what you've said, you seem to be doing fine so far.

 

Answer her back if you feel like talking to her. Don't answer her if you don't feel like it. It's that simple. Avoid playing those kinds of games, it's way too stressful and unnecessarily complicated.

[bsp_kjm]

WantToBeLuved, did you ever meet the gal in person? how are things now? im in practically the same situation as you and dont want to come off as needy. i talk with the gal online through email but havent called her because i dont want to seem like im needy and dont want to bug her. she only called me once (yesterday) for about 5 mins and then i text messaged her on my cell phone this morning and she replied once but didnt to my reply. so very confusing...