Will she come back?

[millen]

Tonight, i have been on my first date and i am guessing it went well.

 

This is what happened:

 

She met me in the apartment lobby and i handed her a rose. We walked to the restaurant, talked abt our jobs (briefly), what we want to do in life, what interests us and stuff like that.

We walked back, after abt 2 hours, and as she lives 2 floors above me, i pressed her floor's number on the elevator. Then she started asking me abt my apartment, where it is, if it is a one bed or two etc. By the time we were on 14th i could gather some courage and asked her if she would like to see my apartment. She said 'If you dont want to show me, thats fine!!". I was surprised by this, as i wasnt planning to invite her in (as per the ancient wisdom of avoiding any romance on the first date).

 

I let her in and closed the door. I asked her if she would like to drink something (Unfortunately i didnt have any beer or wine at home!! ). I offered her a Starbucks Fraputchino which she took and we talked for sometime. then the topic went on to tango and i said i know a little bit of it, and asked her if she would care to try. She jumped at it and we did a bit of tango. While dancing i told her she smells good and kissed her on the cheek. She didnt oppose. I ASKED her if i could kiss her. She nodded her head as if saying no. No means no for me, so i said anything you say. And then she checked her watch and said its abt time she should leave. I didnt push much, but asked her if she would like to stay for some more time. She said she gotta be going. I went out with her, to her apartment and kissed her again, told her that i had good time and asked if she would care to come out sometime next week. She said "probably on monday".

 

Thats what happened on this lovely, yet very Hot day in the midwest!!

 

Now here are my questions:

 

1) why did she want to come to my home? Is it just to see how i live?

2) If she had romance on her mind, did i do something stupid to turn her off?

3) If i did, then why did she say, she would 'probably' meet on monday?

 

Please throw some light on this. Any help is much appreciated.

 

Thanks

[chedchase]

Pavan,

Sounds to me like she got caught up in the moment. She really enjoyed your date and wanted to continue it....by the sounds of it, she all but TOLD you to invite her up to your apartment...it seems pretty obvious she wanted the date to continue there.

Then...it sounds like she caught herself beginning to have too much fun.

There may be something holding her back...did she just end a relationship? It could be something like that, but nothing like you came on too strong.

 

What I'd suggest is to take the gentleman's approach and call her before monday and tell her "I'm sorry if I got carried away the other night...I just enjoyed our date so much and I hope I didn't offend you."

 

From here....it just seems like she caught herself because of something (it could be anything from she had to get up early tomorrow to a bad break up which still hasn't let her put her guard down).

But, I don't think you did anything wrong. And if you use my gentleman's tip...I'd say you've done everything right.

 

Good luck!

[mermayd]

It sounds like she is being cautious about getting to involved too quickly with you. You did only just complete your first date. I agree with sweettartz that you should take this slowly, just day by day, date by date. It sounds to me that she is interested in another date with you. Just dont appear too clingy or desperate. She probably wanted to go to your apartment to spend some more time with you and yes, to see how you live. It doesnt sound to me that you did ANYTHING stupid at all. Matter of fact, I think everything was key. (nice touch on the tango dancing, definate brownie points with that). Does she have your number? Wait until Monday before speaking to her again. (again, dont appear desperate). Call her on Monday night and maybe just talk. You dont even have to arrange another date. See if she suggests it, and then go along with it.

It sounds like things went well for you. keep it up!

[millen]

Hi all,

Thanks for all the valuable info.

This is what happened and i am worried.

I emailed her the next morning just saying 'hi', without any reply. I left it there and yesterday evening, around 10 pm, i got a call from her saying this:

(I am leaving the obvoius hellos and my responses)

"Hi, I think we should be friends. I am not ready for a relationship now. And I felt you were a little forward at your apartment. I like to know the guy before i enter a relationship!!"

This was the gist of what she said. Ofcourse I said "Thanks for the call, appreciate it, and I am sorry, though i am not that kind, hey i respect your opinion. Yes lets be friends and gimme a call when you like to do something"

She said "Sure, You too gimme a call when u like to go out".

I was very depressed (Ladies please listen....guys who behave gentle with you and take your No as No, do feel bad when you say they behaved wrong with you!!).

And today morning, I got very desperate, to get a second chance, and mailed her this:

 

"HerName,

Thanks for the call yesterday night. I am sorry you didnt have good time the other day.

Yes, I would like to friends with you. I felt I had good time and i wanted to show that. Infact I feel i had great time every minute I spent with you.

I was wondering if you would go out with me some other time again? May be we could get to know eachother better?

May be for a dinner, a cup of coffee or lunch sometime?

Lemme know.

Hope i get a reply this time......

Thanks

MyName"

 

I havent received any mail form her yet. What should i do. I want to go out with her, would like to know her, and let her know me. If THEN we feel we arent right for eachother, I think i can take it. But not like this.

Please advice, help.

Any help is much much appreciated.

Thanks

Pavan

[chedchase]

If you don't know this girl very well yet, it's key to be honest with her right off the bat. Especially since she's a little tentative...call her up and just tell her that you are sorry that you guys had a bad start but you were wondering if the two of you could start over...aside from the salsa (throw a little ice breaker in there like that!).

 

As far as the mail...I take it that you're e-mailing her right? I'd cut that out...its kind of impersonal and she might not take you fully serious.

 

Sounds like she's been hurt...give it time and just talk to her. Be up front, and be honest with her. Don't throw your feelings at her quite yet, sounds like that could push her away..just tell her that you had a really good time and know it ended not a way you'd like..and ask for another shot...

 

She won't call you--so you call her. She's tentative, take charge!

[millen]

Hey,

Thanks for the reply. Really appreciate it.

I know i am being dumb, but when should i call her again? Especially after not getting any replies for any of my mails, I am thinking i would give her some breathing time like a week or so and catch her off guard some evening, and ask her out maybe for a movie or dinner.

But what actually does she mean by 'not being ready for a relationship'? and 'we could still be friends' and not replying to my mails? I am confused here. Please help. All I need now is a second chance and i guess i will make it up to her then.

Pavan