What to do? In a limbo...

[caliboy_2007]

Hey guys,

I've been on this forum for a while, below is my thread for what happened between my and my GF of almost 2 years.

 

To make things short, basically we have been togethere for (not counting the last 2 months) 22 months, good and bads were there but we loved each other, I had some bad habits so did she but we knew we have a good foundation for our relationship. 2 months ago we had a huge fight, then she immidiately asked for a "break". It was really hard for me due to:

1. She was my first ever GF

2. I am a person that is very emotional and couldn't stand to give her her space

 

so, I kept contacting her and (I know it was wrong) so she told me clearly "I need my space, give me my space", so that's when I said "OK" and No Cotnact at all. 2 days later she called crying that she wants me back... of course I went to her running.

 

3 weeks after that, basically SAME EXACT thing happened. I wanna say this here, I LOVE THIS GIRL TO DEATH.

 

so, same thing happened and everybody told me to do NO CONCTACT at all... so I did for 2 week until today when she called me 6 times and I didn't answer, so she stopped by my work. I talked to her... she said she missed me. I asked her "did you just miss me?!!" she said "Yes".

I told her she can't play with me like this. She lets herself stop by whenever she misses me, yet I have to do No Contact just because she is asking for it. It's been VERY HARD on me the last 2 weeks... crying EVERY day and etc which you guys know.

 

Now, here comes my questions. I talked to her today, the whole reason why she has asked for a break is below as she says:

 

She says that I am more than what she could EVER ask for and she has said it about 20 times... but she says there is something in her heart that she has to figure out... she says she doesn't know what it is but she know she has to figure it out before coming back.

 

so I told her my values... that I am who I am and I accept her the way she is. I told her that she can take as much time as she wants and if I have to wait till we're both 50, I don't care, I'm there for her.

 

Anyways... So we talked and we agreed that this is the last time we see each other until she figures out what is wrong in her mind.

 

What do you guys think I should do... just wait?

 

 

 

[caliboy_2007]

All this said, there's been something that's been bothering me but I gotta say it.

I checked her Voice Mail and she had 2 messages from this guy I don't know... both late at night asking her to call him "back" so they must have been talking before and the think that makes me wonder is that I SPECIFICALLY asked her today... "Is there anybody else envolved? Are you trying to make a decision between 2 people" and she said NO to all of that. She wouldn't lie to me but I don't know what to think now after this?

[doolittle]

Ah sweetie, I think you should leave this girl for good. I don't say this lightly as I know how tough it is to leave someone that you love so much, but it sounds as though more pain is to come if you don't. I know this isn't what you want to read, and that you are going to feel a bit sick reading this message. Sorry

 

My ex came back after no contact - funny how that happens eh? Move on and find another (a better!) girl. One who wouldn't dream of treating you like this. It sounds to me as though she's lonely and possibly a little insecure. She wants your attention and as soon as it stops she panics.

[caliboy_2007]

Ah sweetie, I think you should leave this girl for good. I don't say this lightly as I know how tough it is to leave someone that you love so much, but it sounds as though more pain is to come if you don't. I know this isn't what you want to read, and that you are going to feel a bit sick reading this message. Sorry

 

My ex came back after no contact - funny how that happens eh? Move on and find another (a better!) girl. One who wouldn't dream of treating you like this. It sounds to me as though she's lonely and possibly a little insecure. She wants your attention and as soon as it stops she panics.

 

Hi doolittle

Thank you for your response.

 

but here is my challenge... let's just imagine I do want to break up with her which is not even close to what I was thinking but... how am I gonna tell her this. I mean I just told her I wanna marry her (me 25 - her 26)... I love her to death and I can wait for her.

 

She says "let's have some faith" and all the signals she was sending today were the signals of "I want you... I will come back... I just need some more time". She didn't come back to say she's ready and that's why I don't blame her... she really missed me and I think if we miss people for the right reason it's good.

 

I don't know what to do... like I said, I don't wanna suspect her guilty unless it's proved guilty (about the other guy).

[heloladies21]

I told her that she can take as much time as she wants and if I have to wait till we're both 50, I don't care, I'm there for her.

Not much incentive for her to make up her mind. I'm not quite sure why you told her this. I would've said "Are you interested in getting back together with me right now?" And if she said no, I'd say "Fine, I'm moving on and if you change your mind, lemme know and we'll talk, but don't expect me to be here when you finally figure things out."

 

About the other guy, you got a right to be suspicious, sounds fishy to me. Keep your guard up.

[DN]

The fact that you told her that when you were emotional does not mean that it was a solemn or binding promise anymore than her actions when she came back to you and then left again.

 

She obviously has issues that could take forever to resolve and to wait for fifty years is romantic but unrealistic.

 

I would say to her that you spoke emotionally but not rationally and that you have realised that it is not in your best interests to wait any longer and that you are going to let her go from your heart so that you can heal and move on. Say that you will not contact her and ask her not to contact you.

 

If she says she wants to go back to you you should think very carefully before allowing that. If you do agree - then make it clear that this is the absolute last chance.

[Deserted1]

HT, be very careful here! This girl wants to keep you around to see what happens with this other guy. Please don't be fooled. I was in your exact situation, and was played for weeks. It's not fun, trust me. Give her all the space she wants NC.

[caliboy_2007]

Guys,

I am slowly understanding what you guys are saying... I've been in denial for so long it's not even funny but here is my plan, please read and let me know what you think:

After all this, I feel that if a girl WANTS a guy, she should be able to know that in less than a month (after she has spent the last 1.5 years with him - not living with him but still)... so it's been TWO MONTHS and she doesn't have it figured out and all I'm doing (out of my heart) is HELPING HER DECIDE LATER... like one of you said, there is not much incentives here for her to make a decision so I feel that I NEED TO come up with a time plan here.

 

I feel that I am being played with. See, what the problem with me was was that I seemed like a doormat... not exactly but I put her REALLY at my first priority over EVERYTHING which now I know is not a HEALTHY thing to do. BUT, I LOVE HER, I DO and I NEVER wanna hurt her.... on the other hand, my life has been misrable and it was not because of a break up... it was because i've been put in a LIMBO for 2 months... I can't let my life go down like this. I need her to know this. SO,

 

I was thinking to:

 

IDEA #1: just go to her (Yes, break no contact) and tell her, she's known me for over 1.5 year... that should be enought if you wanna see your future with somebody, I will give her another 3 weeks to figure this out and I won't wait longer. in these 3 week, there will be absolutly NO contact.

 

IDEA #2 Same as above, the only difference... I DON'T go to her... I'll just count 3 weeks from today... if she got back to me we'll see what her answer is, if not, after 3 weeks I'll contact her and ask for an answer right then and that's it.

 

what do you think?