Aunts abuse and do i have to go to her funeral and her familys?

[nightlight7]

This is a long story but I will keep it short. Basically my father past away and my family was not suportive, my aunt is mean and makes comments like shes glad it happened. We have cut them off, my question is do i have to attend her funeral and the rest of the family since thats the next time i will see them?

[shes2smart]

Just because you happen to be related to folks doesn't give them the right to treat you like crap. At the very least, they should be extending the same level of politeness and consideration they'd give to a stranger.

 

That being said, if you do not want to attend their funerals....don't.

 

As for what to tell them/if to tell them if anything happens to your mother, why don't you ask her what she'd like you to do and how she'd like you to handle it?

[AwdreeHpburn]

hey nightlight - welcome!

 

MAN- these aunts of yours sound AWFUL! I would personally not go to any family functions but would probably go to their funerals as that may be the only place and time you will be able to make peace with them.

 

How horrible for your mum. I'm sorry to hear it. I would avoid them like a bad STD....but that's just me...

[Fallout]

Of course you don't have to go anywhere you don't want to go, you're an adult. I think it would be best to cut all contact with that side of the family

[Beec]

nightlight7,

 

Welcome to enotalone. Hope you stick around.

 

The right thing to do, "right thing", for almost everyone is to hope for what is best for them. Even when they don't want what is good for you, you should still hope that they get what is good for them. That's how we should be. However, with someone who seems to hope and look for you to be put down, it's tough to do.

 

My grandfather was not a person whoever acted like a grandfather to his grandkids. He had one granddaughter at a time when my sister said "HI PA" one day as she passed his house. He ignored her. His wife's family got invited to dinner, and his family was expected to wait in the living room while they ate. We were clearly second class citizens in their eyes. There were more and other things that happened. My father cut us off from contact as it was not any good for us as kids.

 

When my grandfather had a stroke, I went to the hospital once in a while. Here was this old man lying in a bed, mumbling because he could not talk, happy to see me, and he meant almost nothing to me. I went to do the right thing, as did all of the grandkids who could. And we all thought about what a stupid ___ he was for how he treated us. We are fun people to be around, we're all good people, and he chased us away. It was his loss, not ours, that he did not get to enjoy our company.

 

When he died, we all went to his funeral. We all still thought the same thing, he missed out on a lot.

 

Still, I tried to hope for the best for him. It was not fun to watch him after the stroke.

 

You don't have to have good feeling about them, but don't stoop to their level.

[nightlight7]

Thanks everyone, yea its pretty depressing for my Mom since her family did this to her. I just think shes better off without them.

She told me she does not want to go to their funeral if anything happens and she doesnt want them coming to hers. So I guess I will respect her wishes. I really dont want to go to their funerals because the rest of them will be there. I had to go some years ago to a distant relatives funeral and my uncle insulted me to someone right by the casket.

[justpaisley]

Wow, she sounds like a real piece of work. I am so sorry you've had to go through all of that, how horrible!

 

Why do you think you have to go? I wouldn't! Is your mom having a hard time with the death and needs you there for support? Do you want to see other members of your family that might show up? I say if there's no reason to go, don't go. If you do go for whatever reason, just stick your tongue out at her when you pass her casket. For heaven's sake, don't let anyone see you do it.

 

And it's definitely the right thing to do to let your aunts and uncles know when your mom dies, unless she doesn't want you to. They shouldn't learn through any mutual acquaintances. A simple note in the mail or a quick call will do.

[nightlight7]

beec, sorry you had to go through that. Your grandfather sounds like they way my aunts and uncles are. Why do you think he acted that way? I know that they treated us how they did because of our misfortune.

Its too hard for me to wish the best for them, they have done so many things that I didnt write here.

 

I only think i have to go because their family- only family i have. I have no one of my dads side. he had no family being an only child.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Thanks everyone, yea its pretty depressing for my Mom since her family did this to her. I just think shes better off without them.

She told me she does not want to go to their funeral if anything happens and she doesnt want them coming to hers. So I guess I will respect her wishes. I really dont want to go to their funerals because the rest of them will be there. I had to go some years ago to a distant relatives funeral and my uncle insulted me to someone right by the casket.

 

You're obvioulsy MUCH better off with out them. Your mom obviously did a fabulous job with her chldren. You have a good heart wondering or debating whether or not you should attend the funeral of a horrible, mean and very verbally abusive relative. But here you are thinking you might.

 

And look at her/their kids?! I actually feel pity for them. It couldn't have been easy living with those wretched women.

 

Forget them. Neither you nor your mum needs them. Any of them.

[justpaisley]

I only think i have to go because their family- only family i have. I have no one of my dads side. he had no family being an only child.

 

I know that not everyone feels this way, but family ceases to be family once they become abusive. I have more friends that I consider family than I do family that I consider family. I've had to cut off several members of my family because they were so abusive to me, and have lived a happier life without them in it, just as you have. If she and the rest of your family really wanted you in their lives, they'd have treated you better. You have your mom and your sister - they are your family. Not people who have constantly caused you grief and pain.

 

Going to this funeral will only bring up more bad memories. The more you look at these people who have put you down, abused you, your mom, your grandmother, your sister, the more you're going to resent them and it'll take a long time to shake that off. If you don't go, you can avoid rehashing a lot of the stuff that's gone on.