Why do i scare people? trust issues???

[DG9]

i jsut got out of a 5 year relationship and realized that i havnt had time to keep contact with my friends who are abroad! one of my friends with whom i had contacts even through my relationship was very close to me and confided in me about all his problems... and i apparently was the only one he has told them to...

 

he even said that i talked him out of committing suicide (he was kidding) but after the break up it was easy for me to turn to him, and used to call him every week... (as friends!) we both became closer and i was happy that i had found a friend i know i can count on... we talked abt my ex his crushes and his problems and mine... it was fun!

 

but when i went to his online profile i found out that he has ALOT of close friends who say that he is special etc...

 

my question is... why would he tell me that he doesnt have a friend he can talk to? he keeps saying that im one of a kind friend, and after seeing his profile i have trouble trusting him (thts prob also because of my ex too...)

 

all the friends ive become close to have turned out to be liars... and im NOT kidding! one was hitting on my then BF and telling my friends that he was hitting on her... the other was using me to have a place to stay... and my BF of 5 years dumped with NO WARNING whatsoever and now this...

 

what do i do? should i still keep contact with him or just not trust him? and WHY do i become friends with liars???

[caro33]

Maybe I'm no good here because I haven't seen myspace (no access from my computer) and I don't know how truly close those friends of his are, but this doesn't seem to me like you've necessarily been betrayed or lied to.

 

First, you have no idea (I presume) about what he's told other people about his life/feelings, so you don't know what he's shared. You also don't know what other people mean when they say he's special. Perhaps he's fun at parties etc but that doesn't mean he's bonded with them emotionally. Lots of people are all faux best friends but it's just shallow bull**.

 

Second, you have made a friend here, you have had fun. You have gotten something out of this as well as putting something in. This does not sound like you are being used.

 

Third, so what if he shares his concerns about life with more than one person. Maybe he told you first, and your terrific approach empowered him to tell others how he feels also. It's his business, not yours, who he confides in.

 

This is not the same as those other examples you have given. Granted, you've been hurt and it sounds like you've been treated unfairly by others. But unless there's heaps more this guy has done to 'lie' to you i think you need to give him a break and be grateful for your friendship - you both obviously value it.

 

Why not keep contact and enjoy him. But we should never put all our emotional eggs in one basket if you get what I mean. Don't give him too much power to hurt you whether you trust him or not at this stage. Even the best people make mistakes!

[DG9]

i decided to take ur advice and just not be paranoid... but it seems like im not the only one... my friends pulling away too! everytime he comes online and talks to me he leaves after a few seconds saying that he needs to work (he's on vacation)

 

he probably had changed him mind about talking with me... he has a few problems and ive tried to help him with that a few weeks ago and he was really thankful, but since he has been avoiding conversations...

 

so ive come to the conclusion that maybe i made him feel uncomfortable or that i mayhave done something to offend him... i cant imagine what it is and i dont want to ask him either...

 

so much for making a new friend