How can you know if you're a lesbian??

[jabele]

I wonder..if you have the opportunity to make out with a girl, should you do it to see if you really are a lesbian? what are the possible consequences?

 

I think if it's something you want to try, you should definitely go for it. However, I do not think its wise to base your sexuality on one kiss. Its possible you may really enjoy it- but maybe you just like kissing? It's also possible that you are indeed gay and are not attracted to that particular girl and then, if you don't enjoy it, you write yourself off as straight..

 

I'd really be careful with that. I think its more about a pattern of attractions...do you enjoy the idea of being sexual with women? with men? I don't know, thats just my take on it...

[turqoise]

thanks jabele.

well, that`s just it - i absolutely can`t imagine myself being sexual with a woman and i have always loved being sensual with my past boyfriends. I enjoy sex. I like being held by a guy i really like and having him inside me. It`s my mind that seems to be giving me the idea that I`m gay.

[DjWhat]

I Can totally relate with you soconfused, I'm pretty much going thru the same thing, except I have a boyfriend and I have been with him for 2 years. I met this girl about 6 months ago..I've known her for a while but we started hanging out more then, and I guess I already knew I was attracted to women but I've never crushed this hard on someone before,male or female! And its really hard because I always think about her..more then my own boyfriend it feels like and then I feel guilty about it because I know he loves me and I love him too. I'm just really don't know what to do. I'm constantly fantasizing about her being the one coming to me and confessing how attracted she is to me and i wish i could just make it a reality. I want to tell her how i feel but I have no idea how to go about it? Any suggestions anyone?

[Tigris]

DjWhat - you need to think very carefully about what you want before you talk to her about it. Are you willing to lose two year relationship with your boyfriend for her?

 

When I was married to my husband I couldn't bear for him to touch me when I was confused about my feelings for a woman. Like you it was the first time I had 'fallen so hard'. My life was in a turmoil. Eventually I managed to 'patch up' my marriage and put her out of my mind. Three years later it happened again. Eventually I couldn't ignore the feelings anymore. I fell in love with a wonderful Australian woman and we're getting married in July 2007.

 

Please don't rush an important decision like this, you might regret it later.

 

Good luck and take care.

[soconfused101]

I don't understand the obsession with black or white definitions. Sexuality is a spectrum. There is no need to label yourself a "gay", "straight" or even "bi". What's the point? Why commit to a fixed orientation?

 

Well...I don't think I'm necessarily looking for label. I can't speak for anyone else, but I think I really just want to know which sex I'm attracted to at this point in my life. Now I'm getting more sure that I do have extremely strong feelings for my friend (love?), but I just want to know if I would be able to act on those feelings. The label is more for my own mind, so I know where to look for a relationship.

[Luck of the Irish]

I'm a lesbian in a man's body.

[coffeeformylover]

I think you have to sleep with a girl to know. If you like it, then you may be bi or lesbian.

 

I always thought I must be a lesbian, since lesbians are so much cooler than the rest of us. But then I slept with a girl and I didn't like it. I was quite disappointed.

 

You can't just decide "oh I must be a lesbian because I like sleeping with girls." What if you slept with another girl and you liked it that time? Would you be bi then? Come on...

 

Ok...how to meet other lesbians...gay bars, internet, clubs, personal ads, and mcc church (metropolitan (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) community churcho- search on google for one in your area) or school. You know...there are gay people all around you. You just have to know where to look and how to notice them.

 

As far as you being a lesbian/bi or not...nobody can really answer that but yourself. Yeah, we can give you our opinion, but it's just our opinion. If this helps any...I'm a lesbian and I have fantasized about sex with guys before. I just don't want it, though.

[turqoise]

OK, this is crude, but I`m very curious; when being intimate do lesbians ever miss/want a penis? as in that desire of having one inside you? Because toys are another thing...or do you not miss it as long as you`re with someone you love??

[coffeeformylover]

Personally, no I don't wish I had one. You can gave sex with the same sex and not want to have the genitalia of the opposite sex. It's about the passion between you, not what you have or don't have.