I broke up with my boyfriend, 8 years

[justify_yourlove]

I broke up with my boyfriend, 8 years. It's just a long, complicated story-some of you may remember-but it doesn't matter now. It's just not fair because I have to suffer now and I can't help but be bitter about it. I know life's not fair but it feels like betrayal now.

 

I really need some support. Anyone have any break up advice or anything about how to get over a long-term boyfriend?

[n83]

Hi Justify...

I'm not familiar with your situation, but please try to keep in mind: you're so young and there is a lot of life you have left to experience and enjoy.. Breakups are always horrible, but try to keep yourself as busy as possible, and always look to the future. Things will work out for the best.

[justify_yourlove]

Thank you. I need to keep believe I have the strength and I expect to be really sad and know it will be okay soon

[friscodj]

I broke up with my boyfriend, 8 years. It's just a long, complicated story-some of you may remember-but it doesn't matter now. It's just not fair because I have to suffer now and I can't help but be bitter about it. I know life's not fair but it feels like betrayal now.

 

I really need some support. Anyone have any break up advice or anything about how to get over a long-term boyfriend?

 

First, let me tell you how sorry I am this is happening to you.

 

These words I highlighted are probably the key words here. I think in situations like this, it doesn't matter now what happened, who did what to who, when, and how things happened, mistakes you made, misinterperentations, and vice versa. What matters is that this is over and you are suffering immeasurably and unavoidably.

 

It will be normal to reflect back, go in and out of stages of blaming yourself, blaming him, hating yourself and hating him. Realize this, expect this, and understand you need this, you need to grieve.

 

You guys had the proverbial chips stacked against you. If my math is correct, you started the relationship when you were 14. From 14-22, there are a lot of huge, huge, huge changes in one's life. Huge changes. And to maintain a relationship through these changes is next to impossible.

 

I've seen situations like this where the couple stays together and a ways later down the road, one or more realize they did not get a chance to live their life, to have a life outside of the relationship, feel like their identity has been lost because of this as it had been defined in many senses to the relationship and the other person. And I've seen this realization happen when they were married, had children, a mortgage together, car payments, etc. Then things really get ugly and more painful. You are really, really hurting now, but you would have been even moreso in a situation like this had your relationship continued I think.

 

Someday when you have gotten over and learned from this relationship, had a chance to be free, explore, live different aspects of life only afforded outside of a committed relationship, you will look back and be very thankful this ended when it did I think.

[justify_yourlove]

Thanks Frisco, I agree and you couldn't have explained it any better about how my thought process will and should be. I just graduated from college in August and have been interviewing with companies. I know I will be successful and the next few months will be a learning process. I will be able to enjoy life and enjoy myself.

[justify_yourlove]

Anyone have any inspirational break up songs? Music is powerful and is my number one passion in life. I feel that it'll help me a lot listening to it everyday and remembering the lyrics. Right now, I'm listening to Jessica Simpson's "I Belong to Me".

[Hope75]

How about the old classic,

 

"I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor?

 

Or, "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson?

[Lanterna Magica]

I too am going through the same thing as you. Try to remember that this moment offers you an opportunity for profound change. Now is the time to enrich your world as best you can. It will be a slow process and you will carry this heartache for a while. A wiser man than me, Kahili Gibran wrote this in The Prophet, a book of profound truth:

 

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."

 

And he answered:

 

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

 

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

 

And how else can it be?

 

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

 

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

 

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

 

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

 

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

 

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

 

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

 

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

 

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

 

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

 

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

 

 

 

 

I know how you are feeling and I hope you can take solace in the fact that someone thousands of miles away is going through those very same emotions in a different set of circumstances, but we will prevail and be all the wiser and deeper for it.

 

So you remember that this pain is working away to carve a greater depth for your future joy to fill.

[Deserted1]

Justify, Sorry to hear about your situation. I echo those words of Frisco DJ (very wise words indeed). I can relate to you to an extent because my ex girlfriend (22 yrs old), broke up with me, partly because she said that she was still young and wanted to see what life was like "on her own" which equaled to not in a committed relationship with me. Many changes were taking place in her life also. Graduated college, moved out of her parents house, found a career all within months of each other. I guess I was the last change on "the list". Check that one off! Well I wrote this just to give you some feedback from the "Flipside" of things. You're still young and will experience many more changes in your life. Just look forward to your healing and what great life experiences lie ahead.

[Deserted1]

Inspirational lyrics that I know of, an older group The Pet Shop Boys - I Get Along, here is just some of the lyrics to get an idea:

 

Feeling like I'm stuck in a hole body and soul

while you're out of control

Now I know why you had to go

well I think we both know

why it had to be so

I've been trying not to cry

when I'm in the public eye

Stuck here with the shame

and taking

my share of the blame

while making

sudden plans that don't include you

 

I get along, get along

without you very well

I get along very well

 

There's more, you can look them up if you want, but you get the idea! Keep healing!