Anotherday Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 Honest to Gosh, this week was hard. I broke NC once, only to help out someone else in need. This was the ONLY reason. I kept it short, sweet and to the point. It was strictly professional. At any rate, I think this person I was involved with, for all the good in the world he does for others (and he does do good, for those in society who have NOTHING), is at the core an emotional abuser when it comes to me. The last time I saw him was August 27. There were times he wanted to see me and I said no. When I finally would agree to see him he'd stand me up. So, why, after things have been so ugly, does he continue to call? He really doesn't want to see me or have a real relationship with me. Last night he calls at 11:30 and says he is sick. I didn't take the call, as I was sleeping. I am not his mother when he's sick. He has never apologized for the things he's done to me. I am leaving this state within the next couple of months. He just doesn't get it. One day soon I will be gone, and then he won't even be ABLE to see me. I just don't get it. I know I am going to return his call one of these days, as life is short and maybe he IS that dense. Ugh, what do I do? He's not healthy for me, but I hate leaving a place with things messy and unfinished. I did that in my last relationship. I like closure. No matter how many times I "end this," it's like he doesn't even hear it, which just makes it all that much harder on me. ](*,) The last time I spoke with him (before the explosion), I'd told him I was leaving. He says he wants to go with me. I tell him he wouldn't like it there. He tells me I don't even know him and we'll talk the following day. He stands me up the following day (Saturday night) and then calls me Sunday a.m early to tell me he didn't "forget about me," blah, blah, blah. I lost it. At any rate, I'm of a mind frame to just call him and say...I'm sorry you're sick, thank you for your help the other day, I'm leaving soon, please don't make this any harder than it has to be. Will that work? Link to comment
bebecole Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 one word: leave hes draging you down and suckin the life out of you. you will find something worth your time and heart. Link to comment
Fallout Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 Well anotherday....he's not just going to do a piruette and change 180 degrees and be super nice to you...so yes you need to leave, he'll only treat you this bad or worse... Link to comment
rmpavlock Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 Leave....you'll feel better once you do. Link to comment
Anotherday Posted October 21, 2006 Author Share Posted October 21, 2006 one word: leave hes draging you down and suckin the life out of you. you will find something worth your time and heart. Yes, he is sucking the life out of me. I don't pay my bills on time, I don't clean my house. I just took a sleeping pill to get away from it all. I just want to sleep. I just need to get through the next couple of weeks, give my notice, not talk to this person, and I think I'll be okay. This was SUCH an emotional week for me, as I was directly involved in putting a mom with kids out into the street. It's my job (which is why I have to get through the next couple of weeks before I can quit). It just broke my heart. I am on a very short fuse these days. Thanks for your advice. Link to comment
tara3720 Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 I know what you're feeling, and trust me, I'm going through the same situation where my ex is emotionally abusive, and will only call when HE IS lonely, etc... Don't go, for your own sake. You said yourself he hasn't apologized, so please don't get hurt by him anymore Link to comment
Anotherday Posted October 21, 2006 Author Share Posted October 21, 2006 okay, my plan is to sleep this weekend. I have sleeping pills, where I can just sleep. I'll dea with eveything Monday. Thanks.. Link to comment
Tigris Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 Block his phone numbers so you don't have to answer them. He's enjoying playing games with you and you're falling for it every time. You've got to stop the cycle. Link to comment
Anotherday Posted October 21, 2006 Author Share Posted October 21, 2006 Block his phone numbers so you don't have to answer them. He's enjoying playing games with you and you're falling for it every time. You've got to stop the cycle. I already called the cell phone company and they don't have the technology to block just his calls. I can change my number, but need to wait until mid November, and in spite of the fact it's a domestic violence shelter where I work, he's been there. Heck his business card is posted. I can change my phone number once I quit my job, but he already has the number to my office, so its a moot point for the next month. thanks. Link to comment
Tigris Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 Tell him personal calls are not allowed. Then you can tell your colleagues that you don't want to take any calls from him, ever. I hope this helps. Link to comment
Anotherday Posted October 22, 2006 Author Share Posted October 22, 2006 Thanks everyone. I ended up calling him and feel worse. Rarely has a conversation ever taken place in which he doesn't tell me how this woman or that woman is after him, and today he did it again. He told me how he went to this other women's shelter and although they usually won't let men there, they liked him SO much they even made him lunch! Ugh. I admit he can be very charming until you really get to see his other side. At any rate, he asked me if I wanted to go up North tomorrow, which he's done twice before and cancelled both times. There is no way I could ever even agree to see him again, as he's let me down too many times and I end up really messed up for a LONG time. I told him I was leaving and he told he'd like to see me before I go. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea. This is a guy who just ONE week ago said he wanted to talk to me and maybe join me. Now he just wants to see me before I go!? I want to get all of these horrible feelings out of me and SOON. I know what it takes to make a major move alone, and also I can't do it until I get these horrible feeling until control. He actually had the nerve to tell me he'd been better to me than I had to him, considering my issues, and that I'm really spoiled. I cooked for him, I gave him presents, I never once cancelled on him. And this is the mind blowing part that I'm almost ashamed to tell you. In seven months I never once went to his house, where he lives with a female roommate. In seven months we never really consummated our relationship! Why wouldn't I think he was seeing other women? He took me out to dinner once! and that was only because he likes the buffet at the casino! Oh, I just feel terrible. Thanks for letting me vent. Link to comment
Fallout Posted October 22, 2006 Share Posted October 22, 2006 Don't be embarrassed. He's at fault not you. Look, if you want to stop hurting, cut all contact with him simple, if you keep calling him / taking his calls you're just asking for it... Link to comment
Anotherday Posted October 22, 2006 Author Share Posted October 22, 2006 Don't be embarrassed. He's at fault not you. Look, if you want to stop hurting, cut all contact with him simple, if you keep calling him / taking his calls you're just asking for it... You're right. I thought, well, I'll just write him a letter with dates and incidents and then SURELY he will feel bad and realize he was wrong. As much as I'd like that, he would just flip it and say I was crazy. I want him to realize all the pain he caused me. He used to ask me, wow, what has happened in your life that you've ended up this way? Truth is, too many men like him, although in many ways he was the worst. Thanks. Link to comment
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