Is It Normal To Obsess Over A Close Friend???

[lbgeef]

I'm desperate for advice. I'm and eighteen year old female with "dependency issues". So in the past I was addicted to drugs (mostly crystal meth)! i always had an obsessive personality in the past but it got worst when i was on drugs and became over attached to two older guys who took care of me. After i got clean i cut one off because i had sex with him and doubts of his true intentions creeped into my head. This was all at age 14 and 15 by the way!! The other guy NEVER took it there with me but would often tease me alot. Like oh tonight lets hook up. He would do this often and i began finding myself sexually attracted to him but at the same time loving him like family. I'd die for him. He stopped smoking dope with me and encouraged me to turn myself into juvenile hall. i went after he got arrested. i didnt talk to him or hear from him for 2 yrs and just recently got ahold of him! i've got 2 yrs clean and he's got 18 months. we both got our own lives and are doing extremely well but i feel those obsessions coming back. They had faded when he was gone. I can't tell you how much love i have for him! i look up to him but at the same time that sexual curiosity is there. It's frustrating to not be able to STOP thinkiong about him all the time! wanting to call, text message and just anxiously waiting for the next weekend we kick it!! he's never told me i was too clingy or acted like i was but i feel like i am! I don't know how to make the obsessions go away! I just want to be around him ALLLLL the time like i was when we were on drugs! I'm not very independent and always wanna feel taken care of. i spent the weekend at this houe last weekend and we cuddled all night! I felt myself HOPING he would make a move an I knew he was fighten with himself because he's a * * * * * but he didn't! He told me the next morning how proud of himself he was and how he just has a lot of respect for me! I have sooo many different kinds of feelings for him. (friend, parent, protector and sexual)! Here are my questions!!

 

Am i being obsessive?

Is this normal?

What is going on with me and how do i control it?

Should i get therapy?

 

OR TELL ME YOUR VIEW ON WHATS GOING ON WITH ME!!!!

[Maverick32x]

hmmm...... well i dont know if this is what you are looking for... but a canadian psychologist (Siegal) had a theory about drug addiction.. and i'll try to simplify it for you..... basically.. when you take a drug your body is given a stimulus.... than you react to it (euphoria or w/e you feel when you smoke)

 

Well, you usually do it with your friends, or in a specific spot and your mind begins to associate taking the drug, with the people and the place you are at... so whenever you see the people and places you are at, your body begins to 'prepare' for the drug..... SO, what begins to happen, is your body associates the people/place ect.. with the moments right before taking the drug....... (which is also how you build up tolerance) SO, in conclusion, i guess it could be possible you associate being with him, with the biological effects of the drugs...

 

lol, sorry i just learned about all this last week so its still fresh in my mind!!! I have the same sort of addictive personality.. which is why i dont smoke or do things that harm me too much..... (drink like a fish though ) i think you are simply attracted to him ALOT, and you just have alot of respect for him as a person, which could equal attraction

[n83]

Honestly, it sounds like a crush, but seeing as how you have dependency issues, I'm not sure you should pursue it until you have realistic expectations of him and others around you. You need to find out what it is that makes you latch on to people/things and hang onto them for dear life. It sounds like you're very insecure. Either way, please be careful.

[Tigris]

I think it would be a good idea for you to get counselling. At least then you'd understand why you get addicted to people and how to stop it.

 

Good luck

[lbgeef]

thank you to everyone has responded so far!! yeah i need to get counsling cause it's not fair to me to be so cought up in my head it slows me down from living life but i feel so powerless over it! Will the sexual feelings for him ever go away??? is it just normal for me to have those thoughts of him? i mean i honestly couldn't see myself in a relationship with him and im not jealous of him haven girlfriends! he sleeps around alot and that doesn't bother me in any way!!! i fear us taken it that far though and it affecting our friendship and that innocent role i play to him as that little girl in his life but im getting older and i can tell it's getten harder for him to control himself! will these feelings fade???

[Tigris]

Please be careful!

 

I don't like the idea that you're saying, 'it's getting harder for him to control himself'. Some men see a girl and make it look innocently when the child is young as being affectionate. What they're really doing is 'grooming' them for when they're older.

 

And before you say he's nice and wouldn't do anything like that...I knew two nice men or so I thought and it turned out they were trying to do this to me. I managed to get away and told my parents. Both of these men were known by my parents and they thought I was safe.

 

One of my sister's at 10 years old had a bad experience with a distant relative. This was also a trusted person.

 

If you say 'NO' to some men who do this they will take no notice of you. Some of them become violent and rape their victim.

 

Eventually these people discard the person they're with and look for a new prey and the whole pattern starts again.

 

You need to enjoy yourself among people your own age. Disco's, parties, etc., and forget about him.

 

Keep away from him.

 

Good luck and take care.