how to say no

[Lynn.Schmitt]

I'm a college student. I live in a dorm and get along extremely well with everyone I live with. I've only known them for a month or so, but they are like family to me. I'm also female, by the way.

My one friend lives right accross the hall from me (a guy who is my age). I can talk pretty easily with him and don't mind telling him personal stuff. We talk, and we have some deep conversations sometimes. So we are pretty close (but I don't feel anything except friendship for him). The reason why is because he is very whiney. You wouldn't think it to look at him, but he is. And it seems as though I get the brunt of it because I am always listening to his complaining. He is extremely high-matienanced. Extremely. He'll only eat organic foods and "NEEDS" to go shopping every Sunday.

 

And I have a car. And he doesn't. Yep.

 

So he made a little "thing" where we go shopping. He goes to me, "can't wait for shoppping Sundays!!!!!" and I'm just left going "...uh... right....".

 

Well, he wants to go home this upcoming weekend because his cousin is having an engagement party. He really doesn't like his home all that much, but he really wanted to surprise his cousin. Well, I am home this weekend, and my roommate won't be in our dorm next weekend, so I really wanted to stay. Why I want to do that is a completely different story. It has something with her constant need for attention from everyone, and when I get attention, she focuses it back on her. She has a jealousy complex with me (I'm not being mean, everyone knows it) but it's how she is. So she'll be gone next weekend, which made it perfect bonding time for me with the people I live with (usually, things are much calmer when my roommate isn't around causing drama).

So I told this guy friend this... I told him that I wanted to stay but that if he REALLY wanted to, we'd go home. Mind you, I live 2 hours north and he lives an extra half hour north. I'd be driving 3 straight hours there, and then 3 back JUST for him.

Well then after I told him that, my sister called and said that next weekend was the only weekend she'd be able to come down and visit. And my sister and I are THE best of friends, and all the people I live with are SO excited to meet her. So it was going to be PERFECT. I wouldn't have a roommate pissing me off or driving my sister crazy, OR taking away people's attention from my sister.

 

Than I realized, oh crap. I'm supposed to take this guy home.

And I like to think I'm a nice person (people say it anyhow). So I feel bad, real bad, to cancel on this whiney friend of mine. I simply couldn't do it. I could not tell him no!

 

So I call him and tell him he can drive my car home. Mind you, this is a brand new car. A brand new car. That I bought. With my money. And it's a nice car too. But I tell him he can use it for the weekend, which is the STUPIDEST thing ever.

And not just for the obvious reasons. But this guy wants to drive home Saturday afternoon and come back Sunday. I attend THE Ohio State University, and we have a home game, which means traffic will be suicidal.

And I really, really, really do NOT want him using my car.

 

But there are other things too. He'll use my car to go grocery shopping, and come back, hand me the keys and tells me that I can "take it back now", meaning driving all the way to West Campus and parking it, which means then getting on the bus and riding it for a half hour back to the place I live. It's pretty much an ordeal. He's done that twice, and also, doesn't pay for gas and doesn't see why he should. He even text messaged me today and said "How much does it cost to fill your car?" I said "don't worry, i'll fill it before you take it home" and he says to me (in a serious manner) "good, because I really don't want to buy gas for you".

Yeah. Really. I am not even kidding.

 

First off, I let him drive my brand new car without me there. For grocery shopping. And I know I told him "yes" to this weekend, but I REALLY want to take that back.

Traffic will suck. It's my brand new car. He'll have it OVERNIGHT in his possession and should anything happen to it... yeah, insurance won't cover it.

 

I want to tell him no. I really really do. But I feel like I can't! I know it's shady to say "well, sorry!". But I feel like I honestly cannot do it. Almost as though I'd rather deal with something happening to my car than to tell him to his face that he can't use it.

 

Any suggestions?

[sumguy]

Just say straight up: "I'm not comfortable with you taking my car out, on the off chance something happens the insurance wont cover it." And stick to your guns.

 

And you can say 'No', real friends might rib you about it, but they'll respect your decision. If they complain and whine then they aren't really your friends, and you're better off without them.

[InaneCathode]

Ahem.

"Dude, this is gonna sound really mean but i can't let you borrow me car this weekend. Yeah, i know, but i didnt think about the insurance or the fact that i need it to [insert made up event] this weekend too. I'm totally sorry man, myabe next weekend. Maybe [insert friend/relative] could give you a ride. Again, i'm really really sorry man i should have thought first..."

That's how i would handle it.

Furthermore, noone touches my stuff, especially my car. Anyone who'd ask to borrow my car would receive a hearty chuckle and a firm no.

 

 

PS Work on your hearty chuckle

[now_better]

yeah, the sooner you learn to say "no", the more happy/relieved you will be in life. because you're really putting too much pressure on yourself to be unnecessarily nice. "no"... you can do it.