Is he confused? What to do? Need advice

[longhaircats]

My ex boyfriend ended our 2.5 years relationship 5 months ago. We tried to stay as friends in the last few months, but we were never really friends (we ended up sleeping together every time we saw each other), but he kept telling me that we were not together anymore. In his head we are over, but then why does he tell me that he misses me? Now I live in UK and we will be physically apart for the next six months. It is always me to initiate calls, and he always answers the phone. A week ago he initiated a chat and he was giving me kisses and telling me that he misses me. He even asked me for a "chat date" this weekend with me and each of us will have wine together while chatting. I had a really bad day two days ago, and I called him up and asked him if he misses me and wants to see me. Then he said "I miss hanging out with you as friends. I have moved on and am open for a date with another people. Stop bringing up a relationship. We are over"

 

How could he change from loving to cold so quickly? He told me that he loved me, but he did not receive love from me (because I tried to keep some distance from him/attempted to break up with him a couple of times) and he has no intention to get back with me. The reason I came to UK is to pursuit my part-time PhD so that I can stay with him in the same city for the rest of the 6 months. I made plans around us, but him telling me that I didn't love him back makes me really sad. He told me IF I WANT TO TALK TO HIM, he will pick up the phone. I haven't called him since. Now what should I do? NC?? How long? Help!!

[annie24]

ouch!!! I can't imagine hearing that from someone I had been with for so long.... but it seems he is making himself clear - he only likes you as a friend, he has moved on, and he would like you to do the same.

 

I think you need to heal and move on yourself. I don't know if you're going to heal by talking to him and having wine chats, so I think it may be better of to go NC for a few months, so you can have the distance you need to move on.

 

There is a great book, "It's called a breakup because it's broken." by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Behrendt. I suggest you read it. Go to the bookstore today and pick it up.

 

anyways, (((HUGS))) it sounds like he is over the relationship and you should try to be also.

 

good luck

[hosswhispra]

My best friend whom I have known since kindergarten is going through something similar with a guy that she has been in a relationship with for 3.5 years. She is 32 and he is 43.

 

After they sleep together, he tells her he loves her, misses her and that they will find a way to make it work (she's jewish, he's catholic). Then he doesn't call her back when she calls him. She's torn to emotional shreds right now--and I hate seeing her this way. I advise my best friend to cease all contact with him so that she can heal.

 

That's the same advice I am giving to you.

 

All the best,

hosswhispra

[moonbeam111]

You are torturing yourself while he is getting love, warmth, and sex. And an ego boost because he sees love and begging in your eyes.

You deserve better! Please stop putting yourself in this humiliating situation.

Think about STD because he is open to date other people.

It's not healthy.

I am sorry you are in pain.

[sillygurl]

I agree with everyone above....sounds like he has moved on and is taking advantage of the fact that you still have great physical chemistry together. At least he's telling you the truth with words though not with his emotions. Though his words probably seemed harsh, at least you can use them to help you move on.

 

I suggest you casually cancel the "date" and initiate NC so you can begin to heal and move on.

[longhaircats]

Thanks everyone. Reading other people's opinion opened up my eyes. You are right, it IS humiriating!! He used to tell me that I was the best thing ever happened to him, and he just lost it.

[Caterina]

I hate this guy.

[createhappiness]

i know it's hard, but don't confuse sex w/ love. the flesh is weak, especially when you're in love with someone. he's merely using you, manipulating you, and leaving you more and more confused. say good riddance and be glad you're miles away from him.

[annie24]

this thread is 2 years old.