Is it the "No contact" or lack of control?

[Heisinmyheart]

I have been enforcing no contact with X-affair partner for some time now and I am doing pretty darn good so far. He on the other hand, calls at least every 10 days or so and I hang up on him. He had made attempts to talk fast when I answer the phone as to talk so I'll talk back. He only calls me at work cause I won't answer the cell anymore.

 

I feel very in control with my "no contact" decision. If I had to bet...I think he isn't liking it cause he has lost control over me and the affair.

 

He had commented several times in the past how I can make "us not speaking" look easy.

[Juliana]

You mean does he really want to see you, or is it that he's lost control of you?

 

I think he probably thinks he really wants to see you. I think, when they say they love you, they really think they do. They are damaged in some way; they don't understand, that's not love at all. Plus, affairs are dysfunctional relationships to begin with; they only become real relationships when they move into the open, and the guy commits to you. Staying in an affair only teaches you how to accept dysfunctional treatment. There are inherent control issues built into affairs.

 

For your own sake, you have to stay away from someone who thinks it's acceptable to offer you half a life. It's not, and he would value you enough not to do that to you, if he loved you, or understood what love really is. Ultimately, the love that is offered in an affair isn't actually love, but a form of control, even abuse -- trying to get the other person to accept a relationship that does not honour their right to enjoy their partner fully, dream of marriage & children, a shared home - all the things he currently enjoys with his wife, the woman he did respect enough to marry.

 

He may not understand that he's selfish and destructive, but for your own sake, you have to see it in him.

[Heisinmyheart]

>>>>>He may not understand that he's selfish and destructive, but for your own sake, you have to see it in him.

 

Juliana, Yes I did see that very selfish side of him, then he would come back with a sweet cover up of "love yous" and "can't let you go", blah,blah,blah. Getting away was the best thing I ever did. At times I kinda feel sorry for his wife, but then I wonder if she sees the selfishness very much cause he's probably trying to kiss her b***.

[Mike_Wazowski]

Don't you have call screening at your office?

 

No contact is a piece of cake! I work with the woman who I carried on an affair with for 3 years. I'm at work now and her desk is not more than 2 meters from my own. Infact, I can see through the corner of my eyes that she is looking at me.......That is Pressure! One thing though, and I hope you feel it too is POWER! You have proven to yourself that you don't need this guy, that you can easily never talk to him again!

 

Congratulations!