What to do when not attracted?!

[shoegal21]

I started seeing this guy a while back, almost a year and half ago. It was nothing serious. I guess we were just kind of hooking up, we only had sex once. It was always a big group of us, and it was just easy going and fun. We had lost contact for a while and then got back in touch. He started saying that he missed me and all this stuff. We kept in contact over the interent and the phone, because he was out of the country. Well it was time for him to come back and he said he wanted to see me again. I agreed and I was very excited because I remembered how much fun we had.

 

Well, he got here and nothing was the same AT ALL! I wasn't attracted to him the least bit. I didn't even want to kiss him and when I did it was really bad. Not being attracted to him made me start picking at every little thing that he was doing wrong, or every little thing that I didn't like. I think I used that as my excuse to not being attracted. Like I tried to find things wrong. What do you do when you aren't attracted to the person?!

[Batya33]

What I do is I give it a chance - meaning if it is a new person in my life I will see him 3 or 4 times and if at that point I still do not want to kiss him, I will move on and not see him romantically anymore. In your case it's a little unusual because you were attracted enough to have s_x with him. My guess is that you got your expectations raised through the typing/talking and expected it to be phenomenal. Why not see him a few more times and if you still feel the same, break things off.

[shoegal21]

Thats what I think, I think I set my expectations to high. When I saw him before it wasn't one on one constantly and I was just having fun. Its like I had to have alcohol in my system to be attracted to him, which is really sad. I spent a week with him this time when he came to see me, and it wasn't happening. I didn't even want him to touch me!

[laboheme]

Ooh, I wish kellbell would answer this one...I remember her talking about her experience with lack of attraction...but I can't find the thread

 

If you aren't attracted to the person, I think the fair thing to do is to break things off, whatever those "things" may be. If over the course of a whole week you didn't feel anything, I think it's a good indication...Sometimes, no matter how much we want to, we can't force ourselves to be attracted to someone. I personally don't think it's fair to try and keep things going if you're not into it.

 

However, if for whatever reason you want to give him a chance, start out really slow. Don't focus on the romantic/sexual aspects at all, just keep it low key and see if you enjoy his company in a strictly platonic way. If you do, maybe some tension will build up...or maybe both of you realize that you don't want anything more than friendship after all.

[wlfpack81]

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