Does it every time

[sunshine13]

This may be long so I apologize in advance. I met my ex four years ago. Everything was great and he loved me more than anything for about 6 months. Then he ended it. We would see each other around and had mutual friends. Every time we were out somewhere he would corner me and tell me how much he loved me and couldn't be without me. Then the next day would call to apologize. He was drunk and didn't remember. After about 6 months of being broken up he would call me and want to get back together. I was always so upset about him that I would take him back. 6 months later he would break up with me and do the same thing. This had gone on for 3 1/2 years! I finally got into another relationship with someone who treated me like a princess! Then the ex started calling again and I could not resist. He was telling me how he realized how much he needed me and that everything was going to be different this time. I ended it with the "great" guy and got back with the ex. He lives 2 hours away from me but every weekend from Friday until Monday we spent together. I got very close with his family. He asked me to move in with him. We bought a puppy together and everything was great. He bought me a dozen roses and surprised me with a day at the spa. He would always tell me how happy he was and that he never wanted me to leave and talked about marriage. I spent my entire summer at his softball tournaments (he is 28), hung out with his friends b/c he didn't like mine, did everything he wanted to do. I lent him money and helped him with consumer credit counseling b/c he was in credit card hell. I bought him groceries. I can't list everything but pretty much did every thing in the world for him. One night on the phone he asked me to come up that Saturday so we could finalize plans for moving in. He told me that he was in love with me and was ready for this. I then found out that he got rid of our puppy that week and we got into an argument and he kept saying to me that he couldn't live his life fighting like this (we rarely ever fought). I asked him what he wanted to do and he said about 5 times "you don't want me to answer that right now" I basically said "Tell me what you want to do b/c I am not playing games". He said it was over. I started yelling at him and the fight escalated. He hung up on me and I haven't talked to him one time since. OF COURSE. . I had to be the "psycho ex". I called, texted, emailed and he would never respond. He talked to my mother twice on the phone. The one time I picked up the phone and found out it was him I basically told him every mean thing I could possibly say and he hung up on me again. I apologized a few days later and told him that I was just frustrated and hurt and wanted some answers. He never responded. In the mean time he had furniture over his house of mine for the move, clothes, perfume, shoes and owed me $200. So I drove to his house to pick them up. He did not answer the door. I just left a letter and said that I was not there to cause drama. I was there to pick up my stuff if he could please let me know if he would send it. The next day I got an email telling me that he sent it all in the mail and do not ever call, email, text or come over again that I was a pathetic loser and I am worthless. I am devasted. But I don't know why. This is from a guy who has broken up with me every 6 months for 4 year and I can't let go. I keep going back! At least twice a week I email or text him. I think it is b/c I don't have any closure AGAIN. I texted him a few times today and said "Do you think one of these days you could talk to me like and adult and NOTHING! Basically when it comes down to it is I keep trying to talk to him and he is DONE with me again. He has done this to me 10 times so why can't I just move on already? I act the same everytime by calling and emailing and texting. What is wrong with me? I am making a fool of myself and I know it! I go out with my friend and have gone on dates, I go to a counselor, I have a great job. . . Yet I still can't let him go. Does anyone have suggestions for me?????

[kellbell]

Hey there and welcome to eNotAlone.

 

My word, what you have described was me 6 years ago. Real quick rundown, I was set up with one of my good friend's brother. He asked me out and things were good for the first few weeks and out of no where, he broke up with me. I was crushed. I never stopped liking him. Six months would go by and he would call me out of the blue, wanting to hang out and stupid me would take him back. Things would be good for the next several months, then BAM! We would have that "I wanna be friends" talk. This went on for 3 years and in October of 2000, I got sick of it. He broke up with for the forth and final time. I told him to get out of my car, to never speak to me again, never think about me again, don't bother asking his sister how I am doing, and if he sees me at school, don't bother coming up to talk to me, just turn the other way. I saw him once after that at his sister's wedding reception and had the nerve to approach me and introduce himself to the guy I was dating at the time. After that, I never saw or spoken to him again.

 

The same goes for you, your ex keeps walking all over you because you let him, you keep taking him back. You are reinforcing to him that his actions are acceptable to you and that you are okay with it. He does not respect you AT ALL. When and if he calls...IGNORE him. If you are dating someone else and he finds out about it, OH WELL!! His loss. You need to get on with your life and you deserve it.

 

For me, it was like a vendetta, a challenge if you will. I wanted to show my ex what a trooper I am, what an understanding and great gal I am, that I am strong and eventually, I will be rewarded for my patience, my strength. Nope, it will NOT happen. Closure comes from within, it comes from no one else. My closure I got with my ex is he a loser, has no respect for women, and would never know a good thing even if it kicked him in the you know where. I have heard from others in his social circle that he treats all of his girlfriends the same way he treated me, even his sister has said so.

 

I know this is hard, hard to let him go, but this has come down to wanting what you know you cannot have, truly and completely. I recommend two books to you, "He Is Just Not That Into You", and "It Is Called A Breakup Because It Is Broken." Both by the same author. I sure wish those books were around when I was dating my ex. I could have saved myself a lot of time, a lot of heartache.

 

Stay strong and post here as much as you need. We are here to help and listen.

 

(((hugs)))

[laboheme]

Wow, what a rollercoaster relationship...I've looked at the books that kellbell recommended and they are excellent for moving on from your ex, which is exactly what you need to do right now.

 

And a quick and easy trick that I've learned as far as contacting him: on your phone, under his number, program DO NOT CALL, JERK ALERT, or something along those lines to remind yourself that you should not be calling or texting! And keep yourself busy, don't leave yourself a lot of time to think about him...It will take time, but you will move on...