What's Wrong With Me?

[Amber Fire]

I was in an abusive relationship which I got out of around April. Here's a link to the thread if you want the background info:

 

 

Anyways, since then, I pulled myself together...sort of. I started my own company, and am running it successfully. I should be happy, right?

 

My ex stopped stalking me around July, but he did call about two weeks ago to ask me how I was doing. I told him I was fine, and hung up.

 

Now I feel...empty? I'm not sure how to describe it.

 

All the things I'm doing now are things I told my ex I was planning to do while we were still together, but he was too busy putting me down and telling me I was worthless to believe in me.

 

When he called this last time, I didn't tell him all the stuff that I've accomplished, and now I regret it. I want him to know that he was wrong about me, and I am stronger than he thought. I want him to know that after I left him I turned my whole life around for the better.

 

Except for one thing...

 

All the plans I carried out...I never thought I'd be alone. Even after I broke up with him, I was sure with all the positive changes I had made that I would have no problem finding a mate. Wrong.

 

I have taken so much advice, and all for nothing.

 

For a while I was dating a few guys, but that eventually dwindled down to just one guy; and this guy does not want a girlfriend and/or a relationship - even though we act so much like a couple that people think we are. I bet I've heard him say over 100 times to various people, "She's not my girlfriend!"

 

I'm so lonely. I cry every night. I feel unwanted and unloved all the time. I feel like no matter what I do or how well I do, no one will ever love me because there must be something inherently unloveable about me.

 

H3ll, I already have feelings for a guy who doesn't even want to be my boyfriend! I'm not an unattractive woman, but I am starting to feel desperate - and we all know that if that happens, I'll be doomed for sure.

 

I just don't know what to do. I don't have time right now to go talk to a psychiatrist or anybody, but I need to fill this emptiness I feel inside.

 

I don't *need* a man, but I *want* a partner to share things with.

 

I'm even resentful that, although I'm doing better than my ex in many ways, I'm really not because at least he found some great girl who is head-over-heels in love with him.

 

I feel rejected on so many levels.

[LilPixie]

It seems to me that your insecurities are kicking in. You think that the reason you are not with anyone is because you are not good enough. And everything that your ex has ever said to you is suddenly appearing in your mind. Well - YOU ARE WRONG!

 

You are beautiful, smart, amazing woman and you need to be just a little patient. Don't choose guys who are not even interested in you only so you can fill in the gap that your ex left. The guy that you are seeing - are you really into him or is it just that you feel like you NEED someone there?

Don't lower your standards. Don't settle for just anyone who is willing to go out with you. You don't deserve that. You deserve a guy who is really interested in you. Otherwise your next relationship will end as bad as the last one. He is looking for someone who fits better with him - not someone who is better than you. That has nothing to do with your worth as a person.

You really, truly don't need a man in order to be complete. Once you feel good about yourself - then you will get the man you deserve.

 

So I suggest that you use this time to take care of yourself. The way you want someone to spoil you - spoil yourself. Love yourself - you are all you have.

 

And really - be proud of all that you have done. Be proud that you had the strength to leave a guy who treats you so bad.

[arwen]

Amber, you did not do all these things for NOTHING. There is like 6 months between april and now-- and see where you got since then! You have a business, you do the things you want to do, you are free from the man that abused you. Most of us don't experience in 10 years what you have gone through in 6 months. Being in an abusive relationship and getting out are very difficult things, you were hurt beyond description but you had the strength to pull yourself out of a situation that was bad for you.

 

You feel empty because you are used to feeling the pain and fear of an abusive relationship. Now that things are more in the right place, there is suddenly an anticlimax, a feeling of 'is this all?'. But that will pass too. I can promise you that. You will learn to appreciate your strength and the moments that you are alone now, you will be able to fill them with activities you like. It's only 6 months later. Of course you will meet a new mate. So you met one who didn't want a relationship- that's unfortunate but it says nothing about YOU!

 

So the ex has a gf now? You ARE better off than him, and you are far better off than HER! Stop comparing his situation to yours, there is nothing to compare. It will be better girl. You have come SUCH a long way, you should be very proud of yourself.

 

hugs,

 

Ilse