What to do now? Difficult situation.

[Parky]

Me and my ex broke up on the 13th of september, i begged for the first week and then went to strict NC. There was no contact from either of us. 2 weeks later she contacted me via txt msg, to say that she can't stop crying, and how upset she is. So i jumped in my car and drove to hers, to see how she is coping.

 

She was happy to see me and we arranged to see each other 2 days after that. I went back to NC. She txt me again on the day we were meant to see each other, saying how much she has been crying. So i went round to comfort her. We spent all day together, we was happy, until she went to the toilet, and i noticed she left her phone.

 

I checked her phone, only to find out she has been seeing someone else. A friend from her work. I saw some of her sent message to her friends. They said something like "i can't decide who to go with, i want both, but i know i can't have both".

 

She got back from the toilet and i mentioned him, and she burst into tears, and cried on my shoulder. I comforted her, and asked her what she really wants, and she said she wanted me. We was declared back together that afternoon. We was holding hands, our bodies were close together, we couldnt stop kissing, the attraction was there.

 

We went to hers that night, and i mentioned the other guy again. I asked her to tell me the truth of what they both got up to, and she told me he slept over regularly, and had sex once, and gave him the hand job once. I felt i needed to know, because i would have found out anyway, she lives with my sister. On with the same night, we had sex twice, and i stayed over at hers for the night. It was like love again. She said thats the best sex she ever received, and i have to admit, it was.

 

She said this other guy is no good in bed, had a small penis and couldnt feel anything, theres no spark between them two, hes no good at kissing, and she feels he is boring. She just said he is a nice lad, who was nice to her after the break up. Rebound? I asked her why she did all these sexual things with him, and she replied with, "i was thinking of you, i thought it was you". This sounds stupid to me.

 

This guy already has an 11 months old baby, and lives with his sister. He has no car, no future, nothing. He works full time in a cafe (where my now ex works) He doesnt study, and struggles for money. I was thinking to myself, in the long run, it will not work out.

 

While she was seeing this guy, she told me she kept crying in front of him and the guy was like, eh whats up? She told me she was crying because of me, and how she missed me etc.

 

Now the next day after all this happened, i told her i was pulling away, as i didnt feel comfortable, knowing theres another guy involved. She started crying again, saying that she doesnt know what she wants, and that her head is messed up, its in one place, and then in another place. She told me she loves me, and just really likes him, but every time i ask her, she has a different answer. She said she fancies him, but doesnt love him.

 

She said when she started working there 3 years ago, she really fancied him, but he had a girl friend and was engaged etc. (we were together for nearly 2 years).

 

She told me the first week we broke up, she felt like she had moved on, and thought nothing of me. Then the 2nd week came, and she said it really hit her then and made her realise, and thats why she got in touch with me.

 

So, today, we had a long conversation about what to do. She agreed she needed time on her own, to sort her head out. She agreed that she wouldnt see either of me or the other guy (he has the upper hand, he works with her), and that she will need a good few weeks to sort her life and head out. She said its not fair on all of us, and what ever decision she makes, is for the best, thats whether she gets rid of us both, chooses him or me.

 

I really, really want her back. I know it can work, i know it can. I can forgive what she did, and in some ways she regretted doing it. I'v told her i will be waiting, but i wont be waiting forever, and to be prepared that when she decides, iv moved on. She told me she had really seen a change in me, and hopes i stay this way. She told me she thinks about me 24/7, and anything she sees, such as the same car model, where we used to eat regularly, cinema etc all baught me to her mind 24/7.

 

The guy is 19, im 20 and she is 18.

 

My questions are

 

1) Is this other guy a rebound?

2) Based on what iv said, do you think this rebound could last?

3) What should i do now? Go strict NC, be her friend, or limited contact?

4) If i choose NC, is it likely, two weeks down the line, she will miss me again, just like she has been?

5) Is there any hope? I will wait a month and thats it i will properly move on.

 

Thanks alot.

[Shadows Light]

What a tangled web... sheeesssh.

 

OK... first of all...Stay away from her cell phone. I'd be very offended if anyone were "snooping".... and I usually tell people if they "SNOOP" its their nightmare not mine. They've gotta deal with it.

 

Your situation. Classic "Love Triangle"... you broke up because why???? did you need to make some changes? you made changes.. obviously because she mentioned she noticed them and she liked them. What has she changed????

 

Seriously... the waters are too muddy on this one. I think... you should go walk away from this vortex... and look to taking care of "YOU". Go out with your friends, start a new hobby you've been meaning to... do some soul searching on what you want out of life. You are so young... and you have your whole life ahead of you. "LOVE" shouldn't be this hard or this much work. "LOVE" should grow naturally... I'm not saying you don't work at "LOVE" but not this much .. and this soon in the honeymoon phase of your lives.

[Shadows Light]

By the way... I've read it so many times before, in more posts than this one... why is it that Men have to know.. about another lovers prowess in bed? Don't torture yourself and ask.... its not on a need to know basis.. you don't need to know.

 

IF... you don't ask.. it show's that you are confident in yourself. Worry only about what 'YOU & YOUR' partner have together... the magic that happens between two people is different. Each is unique.. and each is special.. should be respected only in the context of those two people.

 

If you are insecure about your prowess with her... then you simply ask.. if there is "anything" different you can be doing with her. And you go from there.

[need2bme]

I agree. Step away from the phone. If you have to know, then you already must.

 

As an aside, do these words make my post look big? ;-)

[Parky]

I'm going to start NC again, and take it from there. If she comes back she comes back.

 

Any other advice? Thanks.

[need2bme]

The only advice is that it takes time. I know that sucks, but time is helping me realize that SHE had a hand in the bad relationship too,

 

AND...

 

I don't want someone back, who is not going to make me the biggest part of their lives. Sure, I know that people have other stuff going on, but I cannot be someone's second.