Luverlies...I have some serious issues [=

[Allie.]

'ey cuties...

 

A MESSAGE- you guys are the most helpful bunch of people in the galaxy. I don't know what I'd do without ya'll....i. lo. u. all.

 

THE PROBLEM - A very great guy has popped up around the block [not literally] but, he's nice and sweet and sincere and looks-wise...he's okay but thats not a problem. He really likes me and he's willing to change his whole life to adjust me in it. But of course, i would never ask him to do that because i want to like him for who he is...and I do. I like him for who he is...at least...i think.

 

MY SCREWED HEAD- after my last break-up, very traumatic...in my 19 years of dating several several men, that was the first guy that dumped me. I've never been on the recieving end of the pain so it was twice as bad for me. Anyway, It shattered me. Everytime i think of how nice this guy is, I start to like him more but then a thought pops up in my head concerning my ex and what he did to me and i just shudder and lose feelings for him temporarily. What's happening? I suspect it may be a temporary shift into an asexual mode of life...Has that every happened to you? Temporary male-loathing maybe?

 

mm...what do you say?

[melrich]

It's pretty normal to be a bit gun shy if you have been through a tough break up in the past. I think with every new relationship you get a little bit more reluctant to give away your heart. That's just experience.

[Meow18]

I think that it's normal for when a guy breaks your heart, you get scared to let another guy in.

 

And you aren't crazy. I think you are being smart in a way. In a way what happened to you in the past won't let you fall for a guy too quickly. This way you will take it slow and realize sooner than later if this guy is a good one or if you deserve better.

 

I think in ways though, it's not fair to make this guy suffer for what an ex did to you. This guy might be a great guy, so to push him away after he hasn't done anything isn't always a good thing.

 

But there is a difference between making him pay for what another guy did and just protecting yourself from getting hurt in the same way. So, as long as you can separate the two, I think you will be ok.

[Allie.]

yes thats all well and dandy but, if you were me, what would you do as to dealing with this guy.

a. tell him whats going on

b. push him away

c. just go on into it.

d. other

[melrich]

Tell him what's going on. He'll then understand where you are coming from and can respond accordingly.

[vermilion]

Tell him to give you a bit of time to get over your ex. That way you won't mess up a potentially great relationship because of something that has nothing to do with this guy.

 

Good luck, I hope it works out well for you!

[onewithbooks]

Allie ~

 

A all the way. Its only fair to both of your feelings. If you are interested and he really respects you he will stick around. I am sorry to hear you got your heart broken, and I totally understand where you are coming from. I really thing honesty and communication here is your best bet.

 

My fingers are crossed for ya!!

 

LeAnn

[Meow18]

I wouldn't tell him that you feel this way only because he will take it the wrong way. I think anyone would take it personally to know that they are being compared to what a jerky guy has done in the past.

 

Instead I would just go into this slowly. You just need to gain the trust that he's not out to break your heart. You need to convince yourself that he's really interested in you for the right reasons. And most of all, he's not like your ex.

 

Unless he brings it up I wouldn't say anything about it. If he questions your feelings, you could just say "I like you, but I have been badly hurt in the past and I just need to give myself time before I can 100% trust my feelings for you".

 

But of course at this point, maybe you don't know that. Maybe that's why you are scared about your feelings for him.. because you really don't know what his intentions are. But that's why moving things slowly will help.

[Allie.]

aww thanks so much guys.

ahh. i make life so tough. [=

you guys are pretty much rad.

[onewithbooks]

LOL you just have to take it one day at time and remember to breathe, that's all. I know its so easy to get swept up into a whirlwind of emotion, but I am glad to see you are stepping back and really evaluating. Bravo!!~~

[brando]

Allie,

 

I think what you are feeling is quite normal. The hesitation is the reult of what happened with the previous relationship.

 

Maybe you need to get to know this guy some more ad then make a decision.

 

hang in their, it gets better.

[dogheadma]

yes thats all well and dandy but, if you were me, what would you do as to dealing with this guy.

a. tell him whats going on

b. push him away

c. just go on into it.

d. other

 

Definitely d. Take it slow. Test the waters before you dive in and if you're sure after an appropriate amount of time this guy is ok, then don't look back.

[Salucious]

If the guy that dumped you was a jerk than you shouldn't compare other guys to him, at least in the sense of assuming they will be like him. Not only do you not want to deny yourself the possibility of a great relationship, but you don't want to deny it to him as well I've seen several of your posts you seem like an understanding person. Your judge of character will improve over time, but you should give everyone a chance, especially if you have a good feeling about it.

[Momene]

I'll got for ©. If you don't you could spend years wondering what might have been.

[Royltnxile]

MY SCREWED HEAD- after my last break-up, very traumatic...in my 19 years of dating several several men, that was the first guy that dumped me. I've never been on the recieving end of the pain so it was twice as bad for me. Anyway, It shattered me. Everytime i think of how nice this guy is, I start to like him more but then a thought pops up in my head concerning my ex and what he did to me and i just shudder and lose feelings for him temporarily. What's happening? I suspect it may be a temporary shift into an asexual mode of life...Has that every happened to you? Temporary male-loathing maybe?

 

 

Have you thought about getting some counseling? It's obvious that you are letting your fears get the best of you. What is it that pains you so much about the last b/f? How was it "traumatic"? You state that your last guy dumped you, rather than you being the dumper. You also say that was the first guy to reject you, rather than you rejecting them. My guess is that the damage here has been primarily to your ego and self esteem, rather than your heart. Maybe you have some intimacy and commitment fears, especially since your track record indicates you have always been the one to reject. (running away) If not addressed, these issues can have very damaging effects on your dating/relationship life. - My suggestion is to take a break from dating for awhile and seek some guidance and address your issues before getting into another relationship.

 

As far as this new guy, just take it slow and be honest with him. Communication is very important because if you are feeling this way and still throw yourself into something with him by following your heart, you will eventually reach the point when you will push him away when you feel yourself getting to close...even though you care about him. I've been on the receiving end of this with a girl I loved dearly, and it's not fun. I guess you need to ask yourself if your goal with him is to form a relationship. If so, it will require effort on your part, and part of that effort is addressing issues with yourself that you may have. If the guy is a good man like you say he is, he will be there for you and understand as you work to conquer your fears and open up to him. That's the key.