It's hopeless....

[RIPDIME]

I think I just realized something today, no matter what I do I just cannot get a girlfriend. While this may seem nothing to worry about as some people say when im 17, I know that I should have one. Yes as egotistical as this may sound, from what i've heard from every social event or from my observations is that I look very good and "apparently" girls find me cute and attractive.

 

Yet I have never had a girlfriend, isnt that pretty sad..? Then again, being as shy as I am, should I really have a girlfriend? I mean whenever the opportunity arises I always mess it up, I look at them at the wrong moments or I become shy and dont say anything and just come off as weird... but I cant help this. Maybe I should just drink some beer and try?

 

But seriously how do I even get to know girls? My friends usualy dont hang around with girl's however every girl they have ive gotten to know very well and I could possibly go out with, yet I wouldnt want to betray my friends or anything? In all honesty how does one just start to meet girls, where do they start... I mean I cant really just go up to random girls and start a conversation.. especially if im shy..

[rmpavlock]

Relax! I didn't get my first boyfriend until I was 18 and at college. No worries...your time will come. I was shy at 17 also. Are you in high school now? Or college? Maybe next time when you have a big test coming up, you could suggest some sort of study group and meet people that way. I know a bunch of people who have made new friends that way. That might bring you out of your shell a little bit.

[RIPDIME]

Relax! I didn't get my first boyfriend until I was 18 and at college. No worries...your time will come. I was shy at 17 also. Are you in high school now? Or college? Maybe next time when you have a big test coming up, you could suggest some sort of study group and meet people that way. I know a bunch of people who have made new friends that way. That might bring you out of your shell a little bit.

Im in High School now and fortunately only have one year left in the salt mines. However thats one of the problems, its expected to have a date for graduation and what am I going to do if I dont have a date? I'll just look like a black sheep, an idiot.... And im not really the sort for study groups since im the long haired guy who has a band and plays heavy metal and I guess we dont have test groups in our school. Anyways, its strange I worked at my Aunts for a while with a lot of girls and I broke my shell there and was able to talk to them even though it was hard, yet since ive arrived ive somehow crawled back into the shell and I really do not know how... And you know ive always had that elusive dream of being with a pretty girl during my highschool days but where has that dream gone now.. and its a bit hard when most of your friends have girlfriends...

[RichieR123]

Alright... I was super shy in high school too. Never had a girlfriend. I am/was a good looking guy. So I can say that I was in a pretty similar situation as you, though I didn't really get my good looks until I matured a little bit in college.

ANYWAYS, I might not help much but I'll give some suggestions. I didn't drink in HS, but I did drink in college (18y/o). From my experiences, I can say that alcohol deffinitely helps, but only when your drinking it. If you want to have a fun night and loosen up, alcohol is great. But as for starting a relationship, you're going to be just as shy the next time you see someone. when you're sober.

As far as your friends go, I'm sure if you talk with them about a certain girl, you guys can reason. I'd actually say that's your best bet right now.... and if nothing else they proabbly wouldn't have a problem with you asking one of them as just a date for one the the functions you mentioned.

As you have personally expeirenced, when you start getting used to opening up, you have to keep with it, or you'll fall back into your shell. Probably not as far as you were before, but you'll lose a lot of serious progress.

 

And as sucky as it sounds, it does get easier in college. You go out with a few friends on the weekend, have a few beers, and its amazingly easier to meet girls. Again, you'll still be shy if you manage to get a date, but it makes that first contact a hell of a lot easier. And don't worry, EVENTUALLY you'll grow out of it. I'm still shy at 23, but not nearly like I was.

 

Just as a dicsaimer, there are better ways to do it than drinking, like just sucking it up and going to some place and getting used to meeting random people.

[heloladies21]

I personally recommend the dvd set and ebook from link removed. His stuff is very slick and has improved my game 100 times.

[blueangel]

You can have one anytime you want. You just have to take the intiative to be interested in someone. Make a connection- don't wait for one. A LOT of people are single in this world. It isn't your fault. You just need to take steps.

[RIPDIME]

And how do I make this connection, its a bit hard to break the shell by the way.

[blueangel]

And how do I make this connection, its a bit hard to break the shell by the way.

 

Answer: You have to be fearless to try.

[RIPDIME]

Well its easy enough for you to say these things of having no fear but someone like myself with extreme shyness CANNOT just lose fear. It hangs over you like a shadow and even if you try it looms, like I said it's hopeless.

[blueangel]

Well its easy enough for you to say these things of having no fear but someone like myself with extreme shyness CANNOT just lose fear. It hangs over you like a shadow and even if you try it looms, like I said it's hopeless.

 

I'm shy too. I've been extrememly shy for years. I remember the days I couldn't talk to people and so when I tried, I would actually just bring up things like, "Did you know that Japan is making robots?" I am a dork!! lol

 

It's not hopeless. You are too attached to your fears and use them as safety nets... to pull you into your comfort zone when you are just about to step out. Everyone does this. But we all have a time to blossom. It takes baby steps to blossom... and it all starts by becoming aware of yourself. Don't lie, don't hide. You need to do that first before you can really love others. Practice makes perfect. You develop the skills the moment you refuse to give up.

 

I've learned this the hard way. With the way you are resisting, you will too I can see.

[doubleg137]

okay... Im near 36, and I have never had a girlfriend. I have completely given up. I've given up being patient, I've given up even trying anymore. The only people I have noticed that are together with anyone are brutal f**king animals who treat women like property, and treat their kids almost as good as a cheetah treats a wounded antelope. If these are the people I have to be anything like to be with someone, then I would rather be alone.

 

Before you ask, I have had some dates, gone out with a few women, but all were soul-crushing failures. Ive done nothing but fail for years. When you reach my age, then you can give up. Don't give up yet! You have at least 20 years of utter failure ahead of you.

 

Making a good living for yourself won't make a damn bit of difference. Being a professional career person won't make a difference. Being able to support a family won't make a difference. The only thing that matters is that you are should treat someone like property to be appreciated and to be attractive. Shyness doesn't matter, it sure doesn't help things though.

[heloladies21]

The only thing that matters is that you are should treat someone like property to be appreciated and to be attractive.

If you truly believe this statement then you do not understand the fundamentals of how to interact with women. This is simply not the case. I am by no means a "natural" at getting girls or having successful relationships, it's taken about 7 years of lots of hard work, studying (believe it or not), and various degrees of failure and success, and am finally getting the results I want.

 

I have plenty of resources I'm willing to share, but you're going to have to want it on your own. Otherwise, evolution is going to weed your genes out of existence. This is the law of natural selection, but you can overcome it if you're willing to suck it up and do the work.

[doubleg137]

This is what my experiences have shown me. I don't want to be anything like that in order to find someone. If that means I have to be alone to be true to myself, or be a sham and be something like this... then I HAVE TO be alone.

[heloladies21]

I am very true to myself, I only know how to express myself better to women now. I am understanding what it really means when they say something. You don't have to give up yoursoul or act like a jerk to get girls, you just have to study the positive ways that successful guys interact with women. It's not the abusive manipulative part that gets the girls, it's the ginuwine personality and emotion that keeps them coming back. It's a very interesting thing in this world that the characteristics that capture women also come along with negative qualities, but their ways can be learned by us normal guys. I'm living proof and I have plenty of friends who are as well.

[doubleg137]

If there are some other things that I could do other than be a brute then tell me. I would like to know, because being an honest, decent, and forthright person just aint cutting it. Being kind just doesn't do anything but get me looked down upon.

[heloladies21]

You gotta tell me some of your qualities and experiences and I'll let you know. I can't tell you without more info.

[doubleg137]

You gotta tell me some of your qualities and experiences and I'll let you know. I can't tell you without more info.

Qualities.. I believe is self-determination. I believe in truth, freedom, paitence, peace, and generosity.

 

When I used to ask women out, if they said "no". I would thank them for listening, and go about my day. When I did go out with someone, when she was talking, I was listening. I answered her questions, and shared my experiences. I would cook for them at my home if they liked, or did not wish to go out.

 

 

 

There are three major dating terms I have had.

 

 

#1 - J. Dated from November to February - couldn't do anything right. Listening was not appreciated. physical touch was rejected one date (arm around the shoulder "hello" , and then asked why I didn't not touch her on the next date. More of this got her axed of the list.

 

 

#2 - S. June to July physical touch ok.. kissing ok.. kindness - not appreicated. Broke up with me for one reason: I was too nice (i.e. I did not physically beat her)

 

#3 - S. September to November. - Physical touch ok, - reason for breakup _ I was not a heavy drinker, and didn't like loud clubs without earplugs. (mostly because I did the driving)

 

So feed that data in your computer machine and let me know what you come up with or if you need more info..

[heloladies21]

Nah, you misidentify reasons for your failure. I'd have to hear more to be certain, but it sounds like you might be one of those "nice guys" people always talk about. This is actually a misnomer because they're actually false personalities guys. Lemme ask you this, do you ever get into arguments with these girls? Like would you ever get jealous if they started talking to some other guy? Or you might need to lighten up. Do you flirt with these girls? Like tease them? Or are relationships more serious than that?

[RIPDIME]

I have noticed this too, wherever I look, women are being degraded by men. Not only is this apparent on television (Horrible rap videos or Low intelligence sitcoms), men just treat women like complete dirt. However nice a women may be they are just treated like objects, abused etc. It never stops... Yet whenever I try as hard as I can to meet a girl, I try to be as unshy as possible and act of myself and they seem to love it at the time, yet a week later I find out "they have a boyfriend" etc. Maybe its because I have long hair, I wear metal shirts... maybe I should just turn into a low intelligent "gangsta" throw money at women, and speak in third grade english, sure id be throwing away the part of being myself and dignity, but then I guess thats what women go for. I am very sorry to hear how old you are and how things have worked out, however this must be what separates us from these uninvidualistic and uncaring men, that we will actually be ourselves, and not destroy whatever is left of our diginities.

[heloladies21]

Hey hey hey, hold on here guys, I'm in a successful relationship and have none of those qualities your talking about. I am not much diffeent from you guys, I've just done the work to understand male/female interactions. Your view of the situation is skewed (which is expected after much failure and bad advice), but it's not reality.

 

Anyone can get good with girls and it does not involve selling your soul as you're suggesting. I am very much myself, just as caring as you and as I used to be, I just know how to communicate with women better. Anyone can learn this skill.

[doubleg137]

I got into arguments with them before, to the extent that I was trying to explain to them why I wasn't beating them, why I was listening to them when they were speaking, why i was thoughful, or asking if there was a place we could go where we wouldn't have to shout at the top of our lungs to have a conversation.

 

They never talked to someone else while we were out, so I don't know how I would react other than I think it would be a bit on the rude side. I wouldn't do it to them, so I wouldn't mind if the same courtesy were extended to me. It boiled down to, what I think, why I was being polite and kind. I wouldn't force them go anywhere they didn't wish to go, do what they didn't want to do, eat or drink what they didn't like. If they didn't like sushi (which I enjoy), fine. I would go by myself on a evening or day that we weren't together, thankfully two of those three liked sushi.

 

**prime example

 

One thing that bothered Miss J (#1) , is why I went to the theater early to buy tickets for a movie she wanted to see on a certain day and time (friday night). Miss J was wondering why I would take some extra effort for tickets. I stated that on a friday night, you can't really tell if any one movie is going to be sold out. And since is was going to rain that night, a lot of people might be going to the movies rather then sitting outside. Hence, we were seated in a sold out theater, while a lot of people who waited until the evening to get tickets were turned away. I must be the most horrible person in the world.

 

You know... if someone is going to kick me in the teeth for doing something nice for them, for being thoughtful, then that pretty does it in for me. I was in no way going to win in this one. If we were shut out of the theater by a sellout of tickets, I would have been the heel in this event in that we weren't able to get into the theater, but I was still the heel in the event because she would question my motivation for being thoughtful. She couldn't just say "thank you" and leave it at that. A couple times of this stuff is okay if it gets corrected, after three months and repeated similar kicks to the teeth, I was done. I ended it because she couldn't accept kindness.

[heloladies21]

I got a question for you, how come I can be nice just the way you are and not have any of these same reactions you get?

[doubleg137]

I got a question for you, how come I can be nice just the way you are and not have any of these same reactions you get?

I don't have the first clue as to the answer to that question. If I knew, maybe I wouldn't be here would I?

[heloladies21]

The only explanation is that all of these reasons you've come up with are incorrect, otherwise I'd be single and frustrated too.

[doubleg137]

So... what reasons are wrong?

 

Treating a woman with kindness? Is that wrong? Being considerate, thoughtful, respectful and honest? I guess any one of those must be a capital crime in the dating world. Should anyone reading this have to wonder why I gave up on it? I will not stop being that "nice" guy. I will not stop treating people with kindness. I will not stop being thoughtful. I will not remain around people who treat with disdain or doubtfulness when I do something thoughtful for them. If I am sentenced to remain alone because I refuse to be anything but true to myself and be able to look at myself in the mirror in the morning, then fine. I will not become what I despise just to attain a girlfriend. I will not treat women like property. I absolutely refuse to do that, and would DIE before I do that. Freedom to me is precious. Respecting the freedoms of others is precious. If that means I remain alone, fine. Big Deal. I hope this may enlighten you to my take on how I treat others. You may say this sounds selfish to just close off, but remember what I do when faced with getting kicked in the teeth for being thoughtful. Its going to take someone pretty damned special to get around it. Someone who is accepting of kindness, that all I ask. I guess that must be the most heinous crime of all.