had a great weekend with a girl but thats it??

[steve-0]

So I met this girl last tuesday at a party. I got her number and gave her a call that Friday and we hung out with a couple other friends at a club. She came back to my place and we talked for a long time and then kissed a bit. She stayed over but nothing happened...we slept with all our clothes actually. the next day I invited her out againt and she came out with a friend and we hung out with a couple of mine. We werent all that touchy feely because there were alot of ppl around so i felt like i should hold back. At the end of the night we kissed good night. It seemed like things were going well

 

So I called her the next night and ask her to meet up but now she says she is really busy. I know she is busy because she JUST moved into a new place and she has a couple mid terms this week. But to me that sounds like she just isnt interested anymore because if she really wanted to see me she would MAKE time right? I think I got my hopes up too high on this one...wondering if i did anything wrong. do u think she is truly busy or just not that into me?

[Batya33]

I would be a bit more of a gentleman. Call her in advance for a date you plan in public. It could be a picnic, dinner, the theater, whatever. You're treating her like "last minute girl" and she probably gets the impression that you just want to hook up - I would if someone I barely knew called me at the last minute.

[steve-0]

actually when i called her that night to meet up I meant the next day after her classes....this is when she told me she is busy

[Batya33]

actually when i called her that night to meet up I meant the next day after her classes....this is when she told me she is busy

 

Ahh - I mean in advance. Call her no later than Wednesday night for a Friday or Sat. night or day date. Have in mind the plan or suggestions of a plan. For example, my now boyfriend called me on a Wednesday and asked if I would go to dinner and the theater with him on Saturday night. When he knew he would be out of town the following weekend, he asked me out two weeks in advance to make sure I would be available that Saturday night. I felt like a lady and respected. In contrast, about a year ago a man I barely knew - was to be our first date - suggested "meeting up" after his bowling game - as in meeting up on some street corner. Um, no thanks. It can be free or inexpensive but you have to have put effort into planning and call several days in advance.

[annie24]

i agree with batya - ask her out several days in advance. I have a kind of goofy schedule myself and can't really go out with someone the same night or the day after. I need a few days advance notice to plan out my schedule.

 

So I called her the next night and ask her to meet up but now she says she is really busy. I know she is busy because she JUST moved into a new place and she has a couple mid terms this week.

 

the additional good thing about asking her out in advance is that you can figure out if she is geniunely busy or is blowing you off. if she likes you but is busy, she can rearrange her schedule so she can see you 3-4 days from now. but if she isn't into you, she won't try to get her work done sooner, finish unpacking, etc... to see you.

[steve-0]

After spending a great weekend with someone and even being intimate, isnt it kind of strange to not see them for a few days after that? Don't you think if both people liked each other they would keep it going and want to spend time with the person as much as they can? even a little time.

 

why have the haitus?

 

She did say she will call me when she has some free time but it sounded like a pity date and who knows if she will even call?

 

Also, im sure some girls find the whole "formal" date thing very intimidating. the reason why i called her and asked if she wanted to meet up tomorrow was to keep it casual and get to know each other a little bit more before going out on a "real" date to dinner, etc

 

thoughts?

[annie24]

After spending a great weekend with someone and even being intimate, isnt it kind of strange to not see them for a few days after that? Don't you think if both people liked each other they would keep it going and want to spend time with the person as much as they can? even a little time.

 

why have the haitus?

 

She did say she will call me when she has some free time but it sounded like a pity date and who knows if she will even call?

 

Also, im sure some girls find the whole "formal" date thing very intimidating. the reason why i called her and asked if she wanted to meet up tomorrow was to keep it casual and get to know each other a little bit more before going out on a "real" date to dinner, etc

 

thoughts?

 

well, some people have busy lives and work schedules and can't see their bfs/gfs every single night. a few days doesn't sound bad. if anything, going slowly in th beginning might be better.

 

and where did you get the idea that girls got intimidated by "formal" dates? LOL. ok, this is just my perspective, but if a guy is interested in seeing me, i figure he'll ask me on a 'real date', ie, coffee, dinner, or even a free concert in the park. if he isn't sure how he feels about me, that's when these 'impromptu' dates start happening. well, that's just my take.

 

Have you ever heard a girl say, "man, I am sick of all these fancy dinners and dates. when is he going to call me at 9 PM on a friday night and ask if I want to come over and watch TV with him?"

 

I don't see what the big deal is about asking a girl a few days in advance for a meeting at a predetermined location. I'm mostly annoyed by guys who think they can just call me and i'll show up. I'll be more specific. i work in a lab, as do most of my friends. we all plan out our experiments several days in advance. that is just the way it works. If I want to see my friends, we have to coordinate usually a few days in advance, usually, 7. yup. Some days I work just a few hours, others, like today, was 13 hours on my feet.

 

I've dealt with some guys that just never quite understood that they couldn't call me the same day and ask for a date. It's not that I was playing a game or being hard to get, I was geninuely busy or already made plans with others! Those guys just got annoying and I gave up.

[Batya33]

After spending a great weekend with someone and even being intimate, isnt it kind of strange to not see them for a few days after that? Don't you think if both people liked each other they would keep it going and want to spend time with the person as much as they can? even a little time.

 

why have the haitus?

 

She did say she will call me when she has some free time but it sounded like a pity date and who knows if she will even call?

 

Also, im sure some girls find the whole "formal" date thing very intimidating. the reason why i called her and asked if she wanted to meet up tomorrow was to keep it casual and get to know each other a little bit more before going out on a "real" date to dinner, etc

 

thoughts?

 

I think what is healthiest is not to be intimate off the bat and to get to know each other slowly over time so that you can integrate each other into your existing lives. Once or twice a week at most for the first month or so - assume she has friends, interests, work, etc.

 

As far as a formal date - I didn't mean it had to be formal. I did mean you should plan something and call her in advance to ask her out. It could be a walk in the park with a picnic, going to a museum, going hiking - since when is making plans in advance and showing her you put effort in 'formal" as opposed to trying to make a good impression on someone? A fancy dinner is an option but only one of many. You're doing this backwards, IMHO, jumping into being intimate and a couple with someone you barely know - that can be awesome for a few weeks but has a high risk of burnout once the initial lust fades and she or you or both want to go back to the normal routines of friends and interests - if you slowly integrate each other into your lives and avoid the clinging vine thing, you have a better chance of building a foundation for a healthy relationship.

 

The "we're inseparable" thing can work - very well! - I'm just talking about risks and your presumption that a lady wouldn't like a man to show effort in planning a date and respect for her schedule is not accurate in my opinion.

[steve-0]

thank you very much for your replies. I think I may have come accross as too strong. Usually I would play it cool but this girl seemed very casual and easy going and didnt seem like she wouldnt mind the "meet up" date.

 

I DO have alot of time on my hands these days and I guess some people dont, no matter what. Also I hear its more attractive to a girl if the guy comes accross as leading a very busy life.

[Batya33]

thank you very much for your replies. I think I may have come accross as too strong. Usually I would play it cool but this girl seemed very casual and easy going and didnt seem like she wouldnt mind the "meet up" date.

 

I DO have alot of time on my hands these days and I guess some people dont, no matter what. Also I hear its more attractive to a girl if the guy comes accross as leading a very busy life.

 

It is attractive if the guy has a full life - friends, work, interests. It is unattractive if he pretends to have a busy life because when she finds out the truth that will be a big turn off. It is a turn on if a guy is busy but goes out of his way to make plans in advance on a typical date night like a saturday night. sounds like you want the physical intimacy without having to be real with this person.