Feel like such a fool - fell for it again

[jules12234]

God I feel like such a fool - I am so angry with myself.

 

My ex and I split up 2.5 months ago. Anyway, he contacted me on and off and last night we had a talk about getting together again. I said to him I would try but that he had to be 100% committed to trying again and by that he had to do everything he said he was going to - he had to put me first and try to build back the trust and prove that he wanted to be really back with me. I said if he was not committed I didn't want anything to do with him as I want to move on with my life.

 

Anyway, he said I will call you today to arrange lunch. I had a text last night saying I will speak to you tomorrow. I got a text this afternoon saying I will call you later - has he NO.

 

The first day of him trying to prove himself and this is what he does. I have decided that this is it - no more - if he can't even do as he says on day 1 there is no point and I just setting myself for more hurt.

 

Why have I done this myself - I just feel like crying my eyes out but I am so angry.

 

How can someone be so ****** cruel after everything and I agreed to forgive and forget.

 

What am I do to I feel so stupid, vulnerable and furious.

 

I suppose the only thing to do now is to have nothing to do with him at all - this is the only way - do you agree?

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

yes very much so.

 

You've gotten out of a relationship that was obviously not making you happy- why go back to it?

 

Heal yourself so you are free to find someone who won't break plans with you.

 

I'm sorry he's such a schmo!

[Captain34]

I'm not familiar with your past relationship, but I can offer my advice as I have previously reconciled with an ex. You need to take things slow, almost as if you are starting all over again. I know that I would not be too keen on being with someone who gets so upset if I am unable to make a phone call when I had hoped to make one. Maybe he couldn't call, maybe he needed to think, maybe he wanted to see how you would react...

 

You want him to show you he wants to be 100% committed. Thats seems to be a solid request. However I thnk you need to show some composure and patience during this initial period. It is tough getting back into the rhythm of things with someone you have stopped being intimate with for a while. If you doon't want to reconcile then make that clear. But if you do, try not to be demanding and have some patience.

 

let us know how things work out.

[hjc]

I understand why you are upset (I know I would be) but just take a step back and wait to see what happens. There may be a valid reason for what he's doing ...not that I can predict what that might be.

 

So I suggest you do nothing and wait to see what happens. If he continues to let you down then walk away, but don't let the first thing put you off. As people keep saying, this is tough and it isn't always going to be plain sailing....

[rightfromthestart]

sounds like you both do this little dance and it is unique to you both...so, recognize it for what it really is, and nothing more - it isn't about rejection or anything else...you two have probably done things this way forever...all that needs to be shown to each other is that the way you reacted before isn't the way u react now...that builds trust by showing you control your own behaviour...then u can work on issues together

 

make sense?

[jules12234]

No we have never done this - this is the first break up and first time we have seriously discussed a reconciliation until last night.

 

There may be a valid reason but he knows exactly how I feel about things and I said if he promises to ring, he rings, if he says he is going to do anything he does it and he agreed.

 

I give up with this. I am flogging a dead horse.

[friscodj]

Hey Jules-

 

This situation and the resulting feelings were exactly what you needed. This is not a failure by any means, this is your "wake up call". Now that the alarm went off, you get up from the bed your were emotionally strapped to with this, face reality, and start healing...with a new found conviction to do so and put this behind you...

 

Congratulations!

[jules12234]

Hey Friscodi

 

well it is morning in the UK now and your words were to relevant. I went to bed last night and the reality of the situation hit me and I just accepted it is over.

 

I also said and meant it last night to myself that you now start to get over this, stop thinking about him and put yourself and your needs first.

 

This has been a wake up call - I was a bit stunned after all we said to each other but hell I think it is time to put this down to experience.

 

Thanks

 

Jules

[7out102]

Jules-

 

Im not too familiar with your situation, however I do know what it feels like to be lead on. I was and still am so inlove with my ex and she went to the extreme to think that she wanted to start something. I wrote a post in ex bf/gf relationships on this web site. I will bumb it to the top so you can read it. Someone wrote that you have to step back for awhile and look at the big picture. Im so sorry that you are hurting as I am in the same boat. It sucks but it will get better. I wish I could help you more but be gald that your ex didnt do what mine did to me......Take care