i feel so messed up - going down

[Sinead]

its been 3 months NC totally. I thought i was getting better though but its hit again - even harder this time. I have aches and pains all over my body, im oversleeping and still feel tired all day. It hurts me physically to type even. Im getn panic attacks now and a sense of impending doom.

 

I physically feel hungry but i dont want to eat - i dont even feel like getn up to eat. i feel so alone and im crying a lot now. I hate this so much. I feel like im dying inside and i feel so scared that im gonna lose it or something or get a heart problem. i just dont know what to do anymore

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Sinead...

 

i wish there was something i could say to make you feel better...

 

but it will pass... you have good days and bad days...and this is just a bad day and it will pass.

 

When you start to feel that way ..just focus on your breathing- and try and relax.

 

have you seen anyone (a doctor etc) regarding the panic attacks and depression?

[Aschleigh]

you sound like you are depressed. Please see a counselor and talk to them about it. Talk therapy helps, sometimes an anti-depressent helps. Excercise, even when you don't want to helps.

Take it easy on yourself. Healing takes time. it gets better but slwoly.

Talk to people you trust and who will listen. Write down your feelings in a journal.

Your first job right now is taking care of yourself; eating well, excercise, talking to people. Good luck.

[Sinead]

thanks guys - yeah i am depressed. i really do want to see a counsellor cos i know i need one but i cant afford one right now. so unfair.

 

I took a few deep breaths there and it helped a bit and forced myself to eat a few slices of toast.

 

i wouldnt mind going onto anti-depressants. Was on them before and i didnt get addicted after my doc told me to come off them.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

hang in their sinead..

 

keep breathing..it will be fine!

[iceman85]

Sinead I am 4 months out and I have alot of days like yours. Its because we loved so much and because we are holding on. As of October 1st I am doing my best to move on, if she comes back then its MY decision not hers, I cant sit here and continue to talk with her and have myself rattled all the time.

 

She means the world to me and to tell her to either work on trying to get back together or that she had to leave my life completley was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I am doing it for ME, I need to recover, I need to get better. Its not gonna happen anytime soon i'm sure, but day by day, little by little im gonna beat this horrific challenge and you can too.

[sillygurl]

Sinead:

 

It will get better! I promise you, it'll get better-- but only if you work to get though it. If you let the pain get to you, and you don't eat or get out of bed, the pain, and your life, will get so much worse. It's just like drinking: if you drink too much, it'll feel temporarily better, but the hours of hangover and regret far exceed the temporary numbness that an hour or two of drinking provided you with. If you don't get out of bed to go to work, you'll lose your job, and that will suck for a lot longer than this bad day or two. See what I mean?

 

And if you go through this again, it won't hurt as much next time. Healing is right, you have to breathe. I have panic attacks, too- you don't even realize

it, but you start to breathe short, teeny breaths. Breathe deep and slow, inhale deeply, exhale deeply and slowly. Your brain will get more oxygen and you'll begin to think clearly again. Try it!

 

A friend of mine told me something that sounded really harsh, but it put things into perspective for me, so I'm gonna say it to you... no man you'd want would want you like this. What she meant was that no man who was stable and together would be interested in me the way I was a few months ago- unstable, depressed and miserable. Being that way would only attract more unstable, depressed, miserable people to me! So you have to work at it, figure out what will make you feel better, so your life can be better, so you can attract friends that will make you feel better when you are down, and a better support network to help you through problems in the future.

 

If none of that sinks in, just exhude confidence and cheer till you can trick your mind into actually feeling confident and cheerful. Wear it like a costume if you have to, but do it!

 

Let me know how you are doing...

 

xoxox

SG

[DjSystemz]

Hi Sinead,

 

My g/f hasn't broke up with me yet but i know it's coming later tonight. My mindset right now is that were not together right now. I can't eat, sleep, or even have enough strength to get up anymore. I feel exactly like you do. I keep on thinking what shes going to say tonight and it hurts me even more inside. If i figure out how i can get through this break up, I will let you know.