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Nothing to be jealous of but still......

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So first let me say I have a girlfriend and this doesn't really involve her other than she doesn't know and I 'd rather she didn't and that makes me feel a bit guilty..


So I was obsessed with this other girl for so long- almost a year. When I first met her she was so friendly and a couple of friends convinced me she was interested. I was in a relationship I wasn't happy with and I broke it off because I was interested in this girl.


Then it went messy and she went cold and I ended up so confused that I just asked her directly and she said "lets be friends". But I couldn't let it go for a lonng time. I couldn't stop thinking aobut her and I was humiliated.


I finally told her I'd been obsessing about her- not to get her to be with me but just to get it out of my head. She said she was shocked. But there a few people in the same situation as me. They thought they were building a relationship and then it went cold and they were confused.


So most of her close friends are gay. And the straight people around her, in her view, "always get the wrong idea"- which is, I think, naive , but hey who am I to judge people so whateveer she wants to think.


She's kinda dumb I guess, or plays dumb. She's funny, energetic quite aggressive and outspoken, fun to be around but I can't put my finger on why. She definitely has this feeling that she has to please people, and maybe that's why me and so many others like to be around her.


But then she always turns it on and off-- like she doesnt have enough energy to keep everyone happy. So you get a week of really emotional closeness and then suddenly she'S gone again and you feel like an idiot. And here's the thing... I keep falling for it, and I keep feeling miserable. I keep remembering why my girlfriend is so much better, then she comes again and I want to hang around with her, and its totally just friends, but I get all caught up again. I feel so helpless and stupid.


I want to untangle myself. Everytime "new blood" comes here she treats them so nicely and gets them on her side and friendly. But I feel so angry at her for it. I got so jealous the other day of this guy who just arrived- but I feel like a bitter fool- and sometimes I say nasty things about her behind her back which is really not me but it just comes out. She's playing with people all the time.


I don't know what she gets from it but it drives me bad. I want to win. I want to beat her so badly (I mean win not hit her!!!)


I want to be free of that power and show that I can't be controlled by her.

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Hey Happy town..


i think you know the answer to this....the only way to be free is to stop allowing her to control you.


I was wondering...as i was reading your post...how much of a good friend are you? Are you truly her friend or is it just this obesession thing taking over?


If I were you...i'd step back...no contact, no chatting and pretty much just back off....give yourself some space so you can get a handle on the situation.


Good luck!

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I was wondering...as i was reading your post...how much of a good friend are you? Are you truly her friend or is it just this obesession thing taking over?


Yeah its a good point- this obsession has taken over and I'm really not much of a friend- I guess I'm more concerned with saving face and being respected. It's not much to base a friendship on- but no matter what I do she still calls me friend- its really frustrating.

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I have learned that just because someone calls you their friend ...it doesn't mean that they really are. I know that sounds terrible..but i think people use the term "friend" too loosely these days.


I honestly think you should take a step back..especially since its frustrating you.


don't worry so much about saving face... just worry about taking care of yourself and do what you gotta do.

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