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Can someone really not be ready?

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Hi, just a quick question


About a week ago a 2 week fling with a girl ended when she told me she didn't want to have a relationship, citing her old boyfriend who she is still in communication with. I was really hurt as I thought we had good chemistry and we had spent the night before with each other, only to be blown off 24 hours later. She says she's not ready for a relationship and that she "as lame as it sounds, just wants to be friends". Is she really not ready for a relationship or is she just being nice in letting me know she's not attracted to me? He was her first serious boyfriend, she was with him for 9 months and he was basically her first everything, she was pretty innocent, so I can see how she wouldn't be ready for anything. Any thoughts? I'd love to think it wasn't something I did...the fact that we hooked up for three hours the night before and had a great time leads me to think it wasn't. Thanks guys.

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On my personal experience and from the many stories I've read, this is a BS excuse. So many times I've seen and heard this "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" only to turn around and have the chick be in a relationship with someone else a short time later. Something just turned her off and this was her way of letting you down easy, because telling you she just doesn't like you is way harsh and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. It probably wasn't something you did in the sense that you offended her or anything, need to know more to get an idea of what went wrong specifically.

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Yeah I understand rightfromthestart. its just sort of hard to believe after we hooked up for 2-3 hours the night before and she talked about going out the next day that she would just turn around and do this. I just want to believe its not me and its external factors that were out of my control. Dont tell me what I want to hear though, just any honest opinions are good.

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I dont know for a fact whether it applies to people in general, but no, theres no such thing as 'not ready'. Its either shes interested or not. Thats just me anyway, i'll take that as a polite way to let you know that she dont have the same intention. Yet again, thats just my opinion, as a girl that will be exactly what i meant if i say that

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I agree with Melrich that people go through times in their lives when they are not ready for a relationship and just want to be responsible for themselves. This is how I've felt at many times in my life. Now that I am single again I am feeling this way again. I go to school and work, just got out of an emotionally draining relationship, and just want to focus on me again. I would have to meet someone that I was absolutely crazy about to change my mind about wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to make time.


I think she's telling you the truth. The best that you can do is respect her feelings, maybe be a friend for her, and see what happens.

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Yeah, you have to be aware that not everyone you sleep with wants a relationship with you. It is wrong to assume that everyone's motivations and goals are the same. Even if she was talking about catching up the next day, it may have just been something said in the moment.


At the end of the day, what does it really matter where her head was at. The result is the same.

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Yeah, honestly I'd love to believe that was the case...haha so I'm going to agree with you. I mean, she's a very driven girl with a lot of stuff on her plate who still keeps in touch with her old boyfriend and had her heart broken by him when he had to move away to college...now its a very important year in her life (junior year HS, she's trying to get into a top university) that demands a LOT of time...we go to a very competitive private boarding school. I think I'm just gonna view it as she would have to be crazy about me to want to make it work...just liking me a lot wouldn't be good enough to go through all that again (I'll be in college next year, so it would only last max half a year). I'll just keep in touch with her and see what happens. Good plan?

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I think it's possible for someone not to be ready. I met a lovely guy recently but I'm still in love with someone else so it's not happening for me. He seemed quite keen but that kind of made it worse because it made me feel more responsible in some way...but I do wonder if i had met him at a different time if I would have felt differently.


Perhaps you could casually be friends with this girl. No pressure at all...and of course do your own thing anyway.


Good luck

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Perhaps, she is truly fearful of commitment. Who knows? But then this also leads me to question her motive for wanting to sleep with you when she knew she didn't want to be in a relationship. Selfishness.

Don't feel rejected. When she found out that she has to have an emotional responsibility for you, she fled to escape her own insecurity. So don't think you did anything wrong. You didn't.

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