We broke up today. What to do now? Help:(

[SaRaHmArIe8588]

Well, i did it. I broke up with my loser of a boyfriend today. Dont get me wrong, i love him to death. We were together for 16 months, i just couldnt do it anymore.

In a nutshell, our situation was , hes 23, no license, didnt go to college, lives with his parents, and works in a grocery store...

 

I straight out told him today that i couldnt deal with him not doing anything with his life. He would always tell me to give him time, but he has been out of school for 6 years, how much time does he need??

 

I still love him with all my heart but i cant be with him. It wouldnt be fair for him to wait for me or for me to wait around for him to change. We broke up 2 months ago for a few days, but i gave him the benefit of a doubt to change..and nothing happened. I also dont want to fill his head with false hope. I want to be with him but i am away at college so i cant guarantee that im not going to meet someone. Those things happen.

 

He took the break up much better this time. He was upset, yes. but he understands that he needs to change.

 

What i am wondering is, will i be in the way of him changing if i am still around, talking to him like we used to? Should i initiate NC?

 

The last time we broke up i thought that he needed me to keep him going but when i was around, he continued to be lazy..

 

Sorry, i know my thoughts were all over the place in the post but im just so confused and stressed at the moment.

 

Help

[Beyondthesea]

Honey, good for you. It's so hard to do what you have done, but I am sure already in your heart you know you've made the right choice.

 

NC is the best for both of your sakes. He is not your responsibility. From what you have said, he will be lazy regardless, so sticking around trying to save him isn't going to do anything anyhow.

 

You need to take this time and help yourself heal, move yourself forward in life the way you've likely been holding back while spending the past 16 months trying to move this guy.

 

Most importantly right now: take care of yourself. make sure you are eating and sleeping as normally as possible. Write out your feelings on paper, express them to friends, and keep yourself as calm as possible.

 

You have done the right thing.

[DN]

I imagine people working in grocery stores might be a little offended at being characterised as losers. What sort of job did you want him to have?

[MystikalDawn]

I imagine people working in grocery stores might be a little offended at being characterised as losers. What sort of job did you want him to have?

 

 

I don't think that shes upset that hes working in a grocery store...but with the fact that hes been out of school 6 years and hasn't done anything like college or university and STILL working in a grocery store...something that a 16 or 17 year old can do

[DN]

Is he capable of college? And if he is capable is that what he wants or what she wants?

[Rain__man]

This guy may not be alumni material, but there are a lot of worthwhile people out there who aren't. Heck, some of them may even live out fulfilling lives in the Food & Commercial Worker's Union.

 

Sara, I'm not trying to say moving on isn't the right move, just be careful about beating up on the poor dude for not living his life the way you'd like him to.

 

This is kind of directed at the "old hats" around here...

 

Isn't it almost universal that when we break up with someone, we tend to villefy even the most benign of their faults to "rack up" justification? I have a suspicion this is a subconscious thing to avoid admitting that a lot of it is selfish and unfair... but we choose to do it anyway. What do you guys think?

[Shadows Light]

He's working right. Thats always a plus. You'd be surprised a grocery store salary is sometimes more than a small factory job salary. At least the Grocery Store is clean.

 

What are his plans? How does he plan to execute?

 

Let me share something with you... My "X".. I chose him because he had GOALS. He was in college... and he had GOALS. Guess what?? He did, eventually finishe college. Did he get the job??? NOPE. It took him forever and a day to get a decent job in his field. And then guess what??? we had problems in other areas... ick ick ick.

 

The one that I dumped that didn't have goals, didn't have a plan at the time??? Successful and floating in green-backs.

 

You just never know darlin.

 

If you broke up with him... to manipulate him to bust a move... think again. You may do it a few times... but they catch on fairly quickly.

 

You can't force change on anyone. Its controlling and unfair.

[DN]

And let's not forget - Bill Gates dropped out of college.

[AdriSnow]

The pain has began!

[annie24]

I don't know what I would do if it weren't for grocery store workers! I'd have to pick nuts and berries and hunt squirrels. that would get old after like, 2 days.

 

anyways, it does sound like you guys were a mismatch, so if I were you, I'd just let him go about his life, and you go about yours. don't manipulate him or continue talking to him, just go on with your life, and that will cause the least amount of suffering for all involved.

 

good luck