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Girlfriend's Parents are causing problems


reeferville
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Where to start with this problem...First off I’ll give you a little bit of background...I’m 17 years old, and my girlfriend is 16. Some may call me young and naive, but I do love her, and I do intend on spending my life with her, after all its not that uncommon hearing about marrying high school "sweat hearts", but that’s besides the point...I’ve been with her about 7 months now... (I know what your thinking, im in for the long run)... the first 2 or three months went fairly good, she got along with my parents great, but her parents seemed a little distant, understandably so, it does take time to get to know someone. Well after about 4 or 5 months went by, my relationship with her parents was just like it was when we started going out, they wouldn’t take the time to get to know me, and any conversation ever started, was triggered by me and I would get a few words out of them if I was lucky. I was under the impression that they simply did not like me, I was just confused as to why not. First impressions are obviously everything, and I was polite and kind with lots of "please" and "thank you"s...they have known me from the church I go to because they also go there, and ive gone there my whole life, so right there should let them know im a decent kid in the 1st place, i mean i make honor roll in school, I intend on going to college, and last time i checked, there were no outstanding arrest warrents on my record...anyways, i was simply myself when i would go to her house, i wasnt fake, but just acted like the generally nice kid i am...they acted like the general they are........................

 

im going to give a little background story of when things really started to go down hill....: we were going out for about 4 months when this happened....for their summer vacation, they took a family trip to colorado for 2 weeks in a big 5th wheel pull behind camper... her parents promised her that we would have atleast an hour to talk per night (we were always polite and waited until the cell phone minutes were free and when everyone was getting ready for bed so we werent interrupting the vacation)....the one night while talking on the phone for about an hour and 5 minutes, her step dad comes screaming and telling her to get the of the phone and all that lovely stuff and they got into a big fight...i was raised in a family that taught me to always have respect for my elders, no matter how big of asses they are, so i called back to apologize to her step dad about the situation, which i thought was the right thing to do...the conversation when roughly like this....ME sorry about what just happened...HIM: i don’t want your damn apology, i don’t want anything from you, i don’t even want to talk to you, your ruining our family vacation....ME: well, im sorry for the incident, please try to enjoy the rest of your vacation, then he hung up on me. so i basically got kicked in the for being polite...so things didn’t start off too good, and he has never apologized for the incident since..................

 

back to the story... after a while i figured that they simply didn’t care for me for some reason or another, and i didn’t feel welcome at all when i would go to their house because they would act like i wasnt there, even when i tried to talk to them... so i simply stopped spending time with my girlfriend at her house, and she would just come to mine. everything was great for about 2 weeks, no problems, we were happy, and then, out of the blue, her family starts complaining because i don’t go over to their house, and they cant get a chance to know me...so , i bit my lip, and decided i would start going back to their house and slip the time spend 50/50... i was still very kind and polite...the exact same thing happened when i started to go back to visit, i was like the invisible person, they would walk by and not even look at me...

 

so i decided that the way things were going wasnt good because my g/f would always get into fights with her parents about this, and i really did want to have a good relationship with them, so i decided that i would talk with them and try to work things out so i gathered her parents together and started to talk with them...within the first 5 words her step dad interrupted me and stated that he was going to say what he had to say first...and the outcome of the whole conversation was that "things are like they are because of me, but they were willing to give me another chance"... or so her step dad stated...and of course, there was no change in the relationship on their part...

 

so at the point we are at now, her mother will constantly make up other plans at the last minute so we cannot see each other on the day planned a week in advance...such as a camping trip for our six month anniversary, or a trip into town that she has to go along with her. My girlfriend has asked her parents if they have any problem with me, and they claim they don’t, and her mother will even admit that she’s just playing mind games with out relationship and that she needs to stop, but then she’s back to her manipulative ways.....

 

right now things are to the point where it is hard for us to enjoy ourselves when we are together because we are always worried about what is going to be said when she goes home, and what her mother is going to fight with her about the next time she sees her..... I stand up for what i believe in, and i will not lose my girlfriend to her parent’s malice. I’m simply tired of trying to make things better and then getting shot down time after time. Like I said, I stand up for what I believe in, but if I do in this matter, then things will only get worse, so I just keep quiet and its really starting to take the toll on me because it seems like everyday I’m stressed out with the situation. I will not let her parents rip us apart, but I can’t deal with the way things are now. I need things to get better because it’s starting to cause problems with our own relationship…if anyone has any advice for me in this situation, I would greatly appreciate it…. thank you…

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Well. I know from experience you will never win when it comes to someone's family. Plus, they're amazing at twisting their children's heads when it comes to their boyfriends/girlfriends. Even if you've been nothing but nice to them, they'll still get some bug up their * * * and decide they don't like you, and will stop at nothing to turn their son/daughter's against you. Hehe. Good luck.

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I'm going to go out on a limb and assume your word is golden. You, my friend, are not doing ANYTHING wrong. Honor roll, no illegal activities, AND respectful to them? Keep it up. What's wrong with them you ask me? They don't like you. They see that your love for her is unshakable and so they try harder and harder to push you away. You are "stealing" their daughter from them. Many parents act this way. Unfortunately there isn othing you can do. When you turn 18 and she is 16/17, be VERY careful. If you want (I would reccomend you do this) sit her dad down for a man to man talk. Tell him you aren't going anywhere and you think he is acting childish. Tell him you respect them and you want what's best for their daughter and you are willing to follow their "rules" as long as he can man up and not act like such a child. Be very respectful if you do this. Good luck, let me know if you have any other questions.

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thanks for the advice...i know its going to be hard, but i know enough that the both of us (my girlfriend and I) are strong enough to get through this...it would just make things so much easier if the relationship with her parents was atleast half decent...the thing is, they know i care...she has type one diabetes and i went out and bought a book about it just so i could learn about it and help her take care of herself, and i even went as far as to go to one of her diabetes check ups at the hospital, thats a 2 hour drive there and about 3 hours of waiting, and another 2 hours home...her mother was atleast thrilled that i took the initiative, and that i care and she informed me that i was welcome to go to any of her other appointments that she had...that is until the last one, i was actually looking forward to it, then she had to tell me(my girlfriend, (which it kills her when she gives me bad news) that i wasnt allowed to go to her appointment, and i further learned that it was because her step father didnt want me to go...which i think reguardless of whether they like me or not, that not something you dont do, expecially to your daughter...but then again, her step father is not a part of her life and is only there when it comes to dicipline...and her real father isnt a big part of her life either...her mother puts her husband before her children at any given time... for instance, once case she told me about: she was talking to her real father on the phone and her step dad apparently didnt like it and they got into a fight and he ended up throwing her up against the wall and hitting her whilst she was on the phone with her dad, and where was her mother when this happened? she ran to her room and locked herself in there and ran away from the problem like she always does, and nothing was said....her step-father is the type of person that if a preacher would meet, they would want to kick his * * *, hes just that cocky, he wouldnt even give me the time of day to let me talk to him...things between her parents have gotten better (fighting-wise...she hasnt been in a fight with her step-father for some time now)....i just cant stand the type of people her parents are...they are the most materialistic people you will meet...they have a new house, 2 new vehicles, a new camper....and are struggling to survive on a combined income of $100,000 a year, just so people can look at them and say, well dont they have nice things....douring the "talk" i had with them her mother made the comment that i must get a good job so i can have "all of this"...granted a good job is important...but what do they have to show for it...a new house, new vehicles, a new camper, children that hate to be around them, and a family that is always full of drama?...well sign me up for that....i guess that dosnt really matter when it comes to the current problem, but thats just the type of people they are...they are not willing to admit they are at fault in any way... i have full faith in our relationship, but i just want things to atleast get a little bit easier.... thanks for the advice...if anyone has anymore, i would appreciate it if they would help me out...thanks...

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