Armageddon Day

[iceman85]

Today is the day of truth, the day where the most likely event is closure and a continued road of moving on. It may very well be the beginning of one of the lonliest and toughest stretches I have had to endure. But in the end I have faith that hapiness wont continue to elude me.

 

Today is the day that i'm seeing my ex. The story leading up to this day can be found scattered amongst many threads here. The short of it is we were together over a year, true bliss and hapiness that got shattered when she broke up with me and basically cheated on me. Then blamed me for the breakup cause an ex contacted me and I didnt tell her about it. Theres more to the story but thats the short of it.

 

I loved this girl with all my heart, alot of me still does, I found someone else about 2 months after her, but unfourtantley it didnt work. When I found that other person my ex told me we should try to get back. I told her that we should take it slow but agreed we should try.

 

Nothing ever happened, she has completley changed as a person, she smokes and drinks heavily and has completley ditched all of her friends for a new group that lives a horrible lifestyle. Yet here I am still in love with her.

 

Tonight we're seeing a show, our conversation has been good latley. Throught the summer I have tried NC and she goes nuts in about a week or less saying that I need to make time to talk to her. Its a see saw, one day shell be nice and open, the next its an all out attack on me and how much she is over me and doesnt want anything to do with me.

 

Tonight was one of the latter. I was trying to talk to her about tomorrow night and how to get to my new place and she began to say how uncomfortable she is with me because i try to kiss her all the time (which I havent since the day we broke up). She says I lie all the time, the biggest lies I have told are the ones about the ex contacting me, and maybe that I was doing homework when I wasnt.

 

I need to lay it out there to her tomorrow night. My question to you all right now is how do I do that. How can I be strong with her tomorrow and let her know she either chooses me or she looses me for good. How do I let her know that I love her and want nothing more than to be with her again. I have kept a journal about my turbulent summer and want her to read it. Help me on what I should do tomorrow, I need the pain to stop.

[Relationship Coach]

Don't let her read your journal! You will give her too much ammo and power over you. It sounds to me like she wants to string you along but for no reason. I wish you the best of luck but be prepared for disappointment if you deliver her an ultimatum.

 

RC

[iceman85]

Im prepared for disapointment, im building myself up. I know shes gone but I really wish she wasnt. I just hope that if she saw my journal it would hit her but I dont know. I really dont know what to do tonight.

[sillygurl]

no, no, no, NO do not show her the journal! She sounds really confused and manipulative, whether or not she means to be, and giving her access to something that emotional may confuse her more. SHe also sounds like she has yet to understand the concept of responsibility for her actions, because she is taking ZERO responsibility in the failure of the relationship by blaming you for everything. This isn't good for you!

 

Have you asked her outright, what is it that she wants from you?

 

You said she's fallen into a new lifestyle, maybe she's changed so much that she's not even capable of being the person you loved anymore, almost like the person you loved doesn't exist in her anymore. Does that help at all?