I had sex with my ex of 2 yrs...what now.

[heartbroken23]

Wow...where to begin? I was with my ex for 5 yrs, all through college, we were each others first relationship, broke up about 2 yrs ago. She was in a new relationship about 2 months after the breakup (Which she now admits was a major mistake as she was not ready). For the first yr we didn't really speak, then we came in contact and became friends, hung out a couple of times and what not. ABout 3 months ago her and her bf "broke up...or are on a break". Communication from her increased. We hung out a few times, movie, dinner, ice-cream, just causal stuff. I told her to set up a real date and she did ,which leads to a couple of days ago.

 

We were going to play a little tennis (her idea...even though neither one of us plays, but it sounded fun). She became sick so we scratched that decided to have a nice dinner and watch a movie. Since she was sick, we decided to rent instead of staying out. For reason at dinner, the topic of her current situation came up. She said she feels bad because she gets away with everything now. Her ex now is OBSESSED with her...he says she can do whatever she wants and that he'll be there waiting. He has even gone as far as saying he is still in a relationship, when they are broken up. He would do "anythng" for her. She can go have her fun, and he'll be waiting for her. She feels bad, but as she said, he lets her do it. He is 3 yrs younger than her (I am 26, she is 25, he is 22). My ex is his first relationship. My ex wishes that she took the time to heal after we broek up before getting in a new relationship. She loves him, but not on the same level as he does. She is sverely confused not and doesn't know who or what she wants...here she has this guy (her current ex) who would do anything in the world for her, who wouldnt want that comfort? and then theres me, her first love, her first everything, who she still loves....The topic of us came up, and I basically said that I wanted to be with her in the future, not now, as she and I are nowhere near ready to be in a relationship. All she wants to be is single, and have fun, to try and sort her feelings out.

 

We then watched a movie at my apt. She was ick so i made her tea and we laid down to watch it. I ran my fingers through her hair and carressed her arm as we watched we felt so comfortble with each other, even after 2 yrs! I was genuinely trying to make her feel better, and was nto puttin gon the moves. After the movie we sait up and ihugged her and kissed her on the cheek. She kissed my lips...I hugged..then one thing led to another and we were all over each other. We kissed, hugged, embraced, had sex, and held each other...at one point she said it was not a good idea what we were doing, and that it was wrong. I said I we didnt have to do anything, but we kept going...we weren't stopping. Afterwards we held hands and just laid their. She kissed my forehead and cheek and it seemed so right and nostalgic. I never thought I would even kiss her again, let alone this...and after 2 yrs, everything seemed right, the our flame enever seems to blow out. She looked me in the eye and said she had a lot of fun with me tonite. I said the same and kissed her and told her everything would be ok and it would work out.

 

I don't know what to do now. Do I just let things pan out, do i call more often, do i back off? I need opinions or advice about this whole situation because I have no clue how to proceed. I see her as my future, not right now as we both are not ready. I love her and don't want to screw anything up. HELP!

[pooh-bare]

Whew! That's a tough one.......could be you 2 are just comfortable with each other and you did what would normally come natural, old habits die hard sometimes......I'd say re-examine why you broke up. If you're not ready for a "relationship" with her again, no more sex! Since women usually intrepet having sex as a relationship.

[heartbroken23]

I am not ready now, neither is she. But in the future, she is someone that I want t obe with. She feels the same. She is just confused right now with her life. We were both young, inexperienced, and immature when we first broke up. in the 2 yrs since we have both grown and matured...we can see it in each other from just being friends.

[southerngirl]

With time sometimes we tend to forget what makes us break up in the first place. We only remember the good times and forget the bad.

 

If you dont want to rekindle your romance with her and see where it goes from here, whatever you do, dont keep having sex.

 

You could confuse yourselves and end up getting hurt worse than the first time.

 

But if you do really love this girl, why not talk to her about it and where it goes from here. Take it slowly and get to know eachother all over again. Make sure you work on whatever problems were there the first time, or you will just be re-entering the same relationship that broke up in the first place.

 

Good Luck

[heartbroken23]

Thanks..as I said..I'd love to rekindle a romance with her...but not now, in the state of confusion she is in. I want her to know what she wants, and I want her to want me only...no if ands or buts. That will only come with time, if it does at all. Plus, she needs to be single right now. She hasn't been in a while as she went into a relationshp so quickly after we broke up.

[southerngirl]

Yeah, keep the sex out of it then. Just be her friend as you have been and things will work out as they are meant to be in time.

 

Sounds like you need a heart to heart talk with her about it.

[heartbroken23]

Trust me, the sex was the very last thing I ever expected to happen. I didn't even think I would ever kiss her again...but the sex will stop. I don't anticipate it happening again. As far as heart to heart, she is very confused and never knows what to say or how to say it. lo, I know that sounds confusing, but thats how she is.

[chai714]

Heart,

 

First off, let's analyze the situation with her ex. She does not respect him because he does not respect himself enough to stand up for himself, so I don't see that lasting.

 

As far as what happened with you two - continue delivering fulfillment but maintain your independence. This means not calling her every single day but when you do see her or talk to her, make it pleasurable. Keep it light, no heavy issues and no talks about what you want. Remember, she's fresh out of a relationship so that makes her vulnerable. Give her some time but touch base with her as needed. Good luck and happy to hear things are going better for you.

[heartbroken23]

Chai,

 

Good to hear from you again...thanks. You know its funny you say that he dosn't stand up for himself...she actuall said that she stands up for him when soemthing happens involving him. He really doesn't respect himself right now...but who am I to say that. He is fresh out of a relationship with someone she loved..people can act desperate sometimes.

[heartbroken23]

any other opinions on my situation?

[vesper]

heartbroken23, you keep saying that you are not ready for something now.

 

to me, that seems to be what is keeping you from doing anything, but you do want to be with her in the future sometime. do have an idea of how much time you think you need for both of you to be ready ??

[heartbroken23]

I am not sure...I have no idea on how long a time period is for a girl to get things out of her system. She wants to be single right now and recently got out of a 2 yr relationship...and the guy is obsessively in love with her...so I don't want to be a part of anything when all of those variables are involved. I made it clear to her that I only want a girl to be with me when she wants me and only me. I also just started slowing things down with a girl that I care about. We (me and girl i dated) recently came to the conclusion that we were not meant to be and had no real future, So i need a little time in between also.

[vesper]

are you certain that you want to get back together with your ex?

 

why did you break up the first time if you dont mind me asking.

[heartbroken23]

Yes I am pretty sure I would like to give it another shot and I know she feels the same...she once said things would probably be really good because we have matured and grown without each other. I learned alot in the past 2 yrs and have grown up alot. I never stopped loving her and I know in my heart that we will be together again at some point. We broke up because we were both each others first relationship...together for 5 yrs. Towards the end of our relationship we would argue of stupid things, she hurt me by breaking up to date acrush, I hurt her by hooking up while on a break....we were basically hitting a point were we needed to be apart I guess.

[vesper]

maybe you should give each other a specific time frame. say....lets take some time apart for ourselves and then come back and re-visit the the idea of getting back together in (2 yrs ). just a suggestion so you can have something tangible to work with to ease your minds.

[heartbroken23]

I hear you, but we did that alllready..2 yrs ago...right?

[vesper]

LOL, well answer this question if you can...

 

how quickly do you want to be together with your ex?

[heartbroken23]

haha, however long it takes....preferably 6months to a yr? I just need to be cautious of how to approach things now due to our recent "event" the other nite. I will prob keep in touch every once in a while, I just don't want to do the wrong thing.

[heartbroken23]

SO texted my ex last nite to say that I had a special time with her on Fri. She wrote back that she doesn't think that she will ever stop loving me...that she is a mess righ tnow and never thought she would be going through the phase she is going through....and that she had a special time too.....how do I interpret this?