I want him back!

[youngstar62]

I need help. Im was engaged to this wonderful guy and I cheated on him in July. We had been together since December and I was his first love in every aspect. We started having problems because he was lazy and he was so feeble-minded and I didnt know if he could or would be able to take care of me. We were the closest anyone could ever be and then I cheated on him. I started developing feelings for the other guy but since I told my fiance that I cheated on him Ive started loathing the other guy and I admitted to my mistake and that I really want to make it work with my fiance. That was what we were going to do until 3 or 4 days ago when he broke up with me even though I told him 3weeks ago. Ive been trying to convince him that I'll never do it again and that I love him so much and he keeps telling me that he needs time but everytime its up to him to make a decision the answer comes back no especially if its for someone else's benefit. What do I do. I havent called him today but I think Im going to if I dont get some advice. I dont wanna give him time I just want us to be together now!

[sumguy]

You cheated on him, that would have hurt. You called him lazy and feeble-minded, that would have hurt. He breaks up with you so he can sort through his issues with you, and you don't want to give him the luxury?

 

Maybe I'm young and inexperienced, and maybe because I'm male I'm identifying with the other side, but give the poor guy some room to heal! You basically ripped your fiance's heart out...

[007]

SumGuy, you took the words straight from my mind.

 

It seems like the poster is incredibly selfish.

 

How can you NOT understand why this cat needs some time? You cheated, called him all this stuff, etc.

 

Like SumGuy said, he needs time to think about what the hell just happened to him. Not letting him get this time for HIMSELF is incredibly selfish of you.

[youngstar62]

Yes I cheated on him, but I wasnt the one who called him lazy or feeble minded. It was his older sisters that did. he was so dependent on everyone else and personally I didnt want to marry someone who was going to make me do all the work. He told me all the time that he wanted me to stay home with the kids, but if he isnt making enough money how are we going to support kids let alone me stay home. And Ironically he did say those exact words,"You ripped my heart out." Yes Im being selfish to a certain extent but even when I told him that I cheeated on him he said it hurts but I still want to be with you. We'll work through it. Now all of a sudden three weeks later it kicks in? It makes no sense!

[youngstar62]

This whole relationship Ive taken care of him and have been there for him. Why do I feel like thats not being taken into consideration by him. Do you think he'll take me back?

[007]

Have no clue, but let me tell you something...

 

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

[youngstar62]

I don't believe that. I know that if I got him back I would never cheat on him again because of what it cost me. I didnt realize what I had until it was gone.

[youngstar62]

With all honesty there was no excuse for it. Even when he tried to blame himself I told him that it was something I still decided to do. It had nothing to do with anything that he did or didnt do. But all these things you all are telling me, Ive already relayed to him. But I still want him back.

[007]

Well, now you know not to cheat with the next cat you get that you love...

 

In all honesty, you lost this one, because YOU don't deserve HIM.

 

If he does come back, he's probably just feeble-minded.

[sumguy]

We started having problems because he was lazy and he was so feeble-minded and I didnt know if he could or would be able to take care of me.

 

Also, you just called him lazy and feeble-minded again... Are you a woman or a... uh... field mouse? Do you need someone to take care of you?

 

We make concessions for those we truly love, we don't disregard their feelings and cheat on them...

[youngstar62]

We were supposed to get married. Lets say you have a daughter. WOuld you really let her marry a guy who isn't able to provide for her. What parent wouldnt want their child to be taken care of. No Im not a field mouse and I thought he was lazy and feeble minded but instead if calling him that I actually helped him get the job he has now that pays pretty well. On top of that I work two jobs myself. I never called him those things. Im nowhere near as cruel as you think I am.

[youngstar62]

I don't NEED anyone to take care of me. But as a husband he has to atleast be able to provide for his family.

[DN]

Moderator note: Please follow forum rules on respect for other members and post accordingly.

[DN]

If you don't think he would be able to support you or a family in the way you expect why do you want him back?

[sumguy]

When you bottom-line it, you don't want to give this guy room to heal because of something you did to him, and no matter what language you speak, that translates to selfish. Even helping find a job, or helping him change, was that for his own good, or yours? Was that born of noble ideas, or selfish desires?

 

Giving him space is the text book answer, it's tried and true. All we can do here is give you advice, but seeing as you know the best move and you want to disregard it - not for his own emotional health, but because you want to - then don't be surprised if the replies aren't all sweetness and light.

[DBL]

I wouldn't take you back. Maybe you should let him sleep with a couple of your friends or someting? That would be fair right?

 

DBL

[DN]

One more post that verges on disrespect and I will lock the thread and issue warnings and/or bans.

The OP has come to the site asking for advice and help - not to be flamed or disrespected. If you can't offer constructive advice - don't post.

[youngstar62]

Because of the fact that since he's recognized that he had those issues he's been working hard to get out of those habits. He works 7 days a week and I can tell he's trying. And as much as it hurts me to say it his mind is growing and I can tell by how he has handled this situation with me cheating on him. I love him more than anything and it kills me to know that I did that to him. He's a great person. he just needed guidance. I cheated on him when his sisters and parents were telling him all of these things about himself and he refused to listen. It wasnt until after I cheated on him that he actually started to try to do better.

[sumguy]

Advice?

 

Give him time and space to heal, even if it isn't what you want Youngstar62, hopefully he will be willing to forgive you after he has had the time to deal with it.

 

And I'm sorry if I got out of line, Infidelity is my pet peeve. =/

[youngstar62]

Its cold for him to do it with one of my friends because I didnt do it with anyone he knew, but if he did it surely it would hurt but its something I'd deserve.

[DN]

If you want him back you have to be patient and give him the time he asks for or you will drive him away. It may be that the relationship is too damaged in his eyes in either case but at least give him the chance to think. If you pressure him you will almost certain;y lose him for good.

[youngstar62]

So does that mean I cant call him at all. Am I supposed to go days and days and weeks upon weeks without talking to him?

[tangovito]

send him a nice bouquet with sorry and thank him for giving you a chance....that might work....

[DN]

Send him a message - don't call - saying you are giving him the space that he needs but you do love him and hope he will call you when he is ready

[DBL]

I wouldn't expect much from him. Let him be if he wants to contact you, he will.

 

DBL