The Wall

[sunwillshine]

Hi Everyone...

I had a long talk with a good friend last night...we talked about all sorts of things but of course break-ups and broken hearts were our main topic...As I talked I realized I have built a wall around myself...it is probably a normal response to being hurt...but as I talked I wondered if this wall will ever come down...I am healing, moving on, working on me...but I fear this wall...I want to love again...I don't want to be bitter or afraid my whole life...It has been 4.5 months since my break-up...so then I wondered maybe it is "normal" to have a wall since it has been a short period of time...I thought I was ready to date again but just can't seem to bring myself to do it...Has anyone else experienced this? Thanks...Gee

[Closure]

I haven't experienced this but I have a pretty unique view of life and will not let yesterday's news spoil today. It's harsh and some people think i'm cold but it works for me, i'm sure i'm the abnormal one.

 

Why would break ups and broken hearts be your main topic with your friend? That's the bit I don't understand, prehaps it's a female thing? I'd just say instead of talking about negatives to focus on the positives and don't let those negatives creep in.

 

Your barriers will come crumbling down when you meet the right person!

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Good post Sunshine..

 

I have often wondered this question myself. I have learned that as I develop trust in myself and trust that i will choose partners who are healthy partners for me and if i choose an unhealthy person for me- i will have the smarts to know when to get out- i began to trust myself more and more and have become increasingly able to let my guard down.

[talo]

After being hurt we normally 'fence, or wall, ourselves in' and it may take some time for the wall to become less solid.

 

As seen here, the wall is not the problem. What is the problem is the space which the wall encloses. The problem is whether there is enough space inside the wall to accommodate everything spaciously. Whether the content is more uptight, contracted, tense, bottled, weighty; or whether it is more spaced out, loose, free flowing, light.

 

As the content within the wall moves, perhaps slowly, from a more to a less contracted state, there is more room to move, more a sense of lightness, more enjoyment. It may even appear that there are no walls.....

[sunwillshine]

Closure...actually my friend is a guy and we were talking about it b/c we both are in the same place...healing from a break-up...

Healing Hands...I relate to what you are saying...I realize I am also working on trusting myself...I haven't chosen my partners wisely and this experience has woken me up to trusting my gut and self-worthiness (feeling like I am worthy of a healthy man) so like you said maybe as I learn to trust myself...I will be able to let my guard down...Thanks!

Talo...your words moved me...I am trying to keep the space between flowing...so it doesn't stay stuck...

[g44]

i agree with you - healthy relationships and trust is what u deserve and you will find that with someone. the longer u keep up a wall, the u need for protection, the longer u will keep the longer it will take to heal. everyone deserves what u are asking for - and u will find what u wish for because having those two goals inside you will guide ur path. i strongly believe u are someone that will give that to someone that gives u the same. much happiness.

[talo]

Talo...your words moved me...I am trying to keep the space between flowing...so it doesn't stay stuck...

 

Pleased you are moving. Don't try too hard, otherwise you may become stuck in trying Ie walled into a tight space of trying.

[Closure]

I totally understand but six months? That's six months you aren't getting back, it isn't on lay away.....I'm so glad I process quick, I feel for you!

 

 

Closure...actually my friend is a guy and we were talking about it b/c we both are in the same place...healing from a break-up...

[sunwillshine]

Closure...you don't have to feel for me...These past 4.5 months have been enlightening...I have learned a lot about myself and do not regret one minute of anything in my life...This break-up was a moment in my life to take advantage of...to learn about myself, my patterns, and what I want and don't want...I made a conscious decision to take my time and work through my feelings and to heal (not just this break-up but many things from the past)...I feel good where I am at...yes I still have some lingering feelings, I still am working through some things but all of this gives me more and more awareness of who I am...And for this I am grateful...plus I felt For Me...just getting over it...would mean I would be doomed to continue making the same mistakes...and that the time is worth it...