escaping judgement

[igoturhey-oh]

hi, im having a difficult time opening up to /being honest with my friends because im afraid they will judge me. it seems every time i choose to open my mouth i think about what they will think and what they will talk about when im not there. it keeps me from getting close to people and more often than not i find myself using sarcasm which only draws people further away from me because they don't "get it".

 

another thing is i find myself lying about things that i dont really feel or didnt really happen, or they did happen and im just stretching it so they will at least hear what im saying or kind of relate. ive tried just not saying anything but i feel like im missing out that way. and when im honest i feel like no one is really listens or cares. they all just kind of stare or they look at each other.

 

i have two major feelings when im with my friends, am i the smartest one in the room or is everybody else on a different level than me and im the one that doesnt "get it".

 

these are the friends that ive made since moving to a different state, meeting people and relating to them was never this hard when i was back home. why is it? are people in this state really that much different? i find it hard to believe.

 

any suggestions?

[stopit]

Is it the same way when you're in one-on-one conversations with them?

 

Maybe you just haven't met the right people to hang out with yet. Everyone's different, and if you're immerged in a homogeneous population, then the number of people not getting you will be higher, unfortunately. I've had this experience my entire life: I'm somewhat... unconventional... I don't know. I have a strange sense of humor, heavy on sarcasm and heavy on bitterness, and to most, it initially comes off the wrong way. People who are too literal scarcely get me. I'm okay though because I found friends who won't judge or question me, and though the number of friends I have is far smaller than the number I might have if I had the typical, girly, blush-and-giggle sense of humor rampant among the gals, it's just more rewarding to be able to express myself without having to check myself everytime I speak and keep a list of formulated expressions handy whenever spoken to, like "OMG" and "No way!".

 

Don't get frustrated! Don't change who you are - if all else fails, there's always life after high school to look forward to (it took me years - years - to finally meet these people because they moved to my school late in life regrettably; the absense of people who understood me took its toll on my confidence, in any case, because I attributed it to a personal flaw, one that I couldn't identity, which lead me to conclude that I was just generally a flawed being). Conformity is such a huge concern at this age that it's difficult for the atypical yet interesting people to fit in (this is by all means a compliment!). Unanticipated remarks are bound to get the gaping jaw and unwarranted eye throb just because they're outside the norm.

 

What exactly is your relationship like with your friends? Do they include you all the time in the things they do? Have they given you reason to doubt their intentions regarding your friendship? (as in, that they would talk about you behind your back)

[g44]

i can relate..i really had a hard time with that too until it was rammed down my throat that when u are simply honest with yourself something weird happens - its like it doesn't matter what others think about you [well u know what i mean] or if others judge u or don't believe u - because by simply stating your opinion as honestly as u can and see it [does need judging - understanding - yes] doesn't mean u are right or wrong or better or worse - its just honest...and all that weight lifts off your shoulders. i remember when i walked up to an my father and told him i had been addicted to something evil for months and it played a role in my breakup - he turned and hugged me and offered support...like * * *...i could never do something like that before...i would be worried about looking like a loser...suddenly i was seen as strong...and after the first time i did that..i never looked back...when u see the outcome vs. how it was...night and day...and the fear of sliding back doesn't appear...weird...that was the last lesson i learned from her. wicked

[bunnylove]

i was the same way. still have some trouble with it. But your worrying over nothing. If people really thought you were that awful, then they wouldnt talk to you. And you have to just tell yourself that this is you, people will accept you for who you are (and there are people out there who wont, just like you wouldnt for some either) but you have to think WHO CARES!!!!!!!!Who gives a rats * * * if people talk about you. you cant live in fear of socializing just becuase your scared of what people think, trust me thats an awful way to live. So talk away!!! itll get easier the more you do it. i found that the quieter i got, the less i got invited out because i wouldnt participate in conversations, so i was like a bump on the log. Thats when i started to realize, i have a RIGHT to speak, to tell my opinions, to tell about real experiences. And some people like them, and some people dont. thats just life. And try not to stretch the truth, sooner or later your going to forget what version you tell people and it will come back and bite you in the * * *.....and reverrse the situation (this helps). EVERYTIME you interact with someone do you judge everything they say and put them down? of course not. So why would they. I think your feelings have to be resolved from within, and then that feeling of acceptance from others will come. otherwise it doesnt matter who you meet youll just think the same thing, you need to learn to accept yourself first. And maybe just because its a different state it feels foreign to you. I dont think the people are necessary different. Anyhow this is just some stuff i had to tell myself because i was that way as well. (was to the point i wouldnt say ANYTHING). And to not compare yourself to others, your you.

[igoturhey-oh]

thanks for all ur responses.

 

stopit: i am in college and i thought all this would end by the time i got here, i know what u are saying and these people are definetly wayyyyy literal, didnt even think about describing them like that but thats how they are. and we are similar. at first our friendship was fine then it turned into lets play odd man out or in my case woman. thats what it seems like.

 

another thing, they talk behind my back and i dont get to hear about it but if someone initiated a convo with me about someone else then what i said always gets around to them and im the bad guy. * * *?! im about done with these guys.

 

guess you guys are right. im a f-ucking loser! jk

[igoturhey-oh]

w-t-f is blocked out? * * *!