now i *really* don't understand women!

[deejay74]

right, so this year has been pretty rocky for me with women. many of you know my saga with my ex that i went through this year (which i won't repeat) and now i am finally ready to start dating again.

 

i've been out with a few girls in the past several months but the last 2 really have me confused.

 

the first girl i asked out when i was working. she was an intern and was at my job for only a couple of months. a week before she had to leave, i asked her out. she agreed but the way in which i asked her out and the way she answered was flirty. i was under the impression that it was understood that it was basically a date. so we go out and eventually grab a bite to eat. midway through eating, she matter-of-factly mentions her boyfriend, who is in the Naval Academy. i was like, "huh?!". i specifically asked her why she never told me about him and she said "it never came up". again, HUH?!! i mean, what did she think we were doing? i confirmed that she had a boyfriend with a coworker. i told my coworker about what happened and she even told that girl that she'd better mention her BF to me. well, that was that.

 

so about a month ago, i meet this really cute girl out at this art gallery. i didn't get a chance to get her number then, but then last week i ran into her at Whole Foods. this time i made sure to get her phone number, which i did, so i called her last week. we talked on the phone a few times and met up last night. we met up at a bar, had drinks, and chit-chatted for a while. the conversations were good, we flirted a lot, we got to know a lot about each other, i found out she has a room mate (it gets better) and i didn't think twice about it at that point. so things start to get kind of nice. i ended up kissing her and we started to neck. we take a break, go outside for a minute and sat down. we started talking again so i flat out asked her, "do you have a boyfriend?". i had this sinking feeling that she did and she said "yes". so here i am in the same situation as before. so i asked if that's who she lives with, and she said "yes". i asked her why she didn't tell me and she said "it never came up". WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!?!

 

2 girls in a row. what is going on in their heads? i don't think i was ambiguous in either situation to what my intentions were. i clearly liked them both and wanted to be more than friends. i am sure they sensed it but they both said the topic of their BFs never came up.

 

why couldn't they tell me "yeah, i'd like to hang out with you but i want you to know i have a BF". if that was said upfront, no time would've been wasted for either of us.

 

i'm done with women and dating for now. this sucks. i was really excited about the girl last night. i thought, "Finally, someone who's cool and pretty seems to like me!"

 

i just don't get it.

[Closure]

It happens, just incoporate the whole, how is your love life thing into your initial conversation and you'll know right away!

[gnabna]

yikes that really does stink! try to stay positive at least you found out quick! don't give up all hope. not every girl out there is a cheater. don't allow this to set you back. as you stated an attractive woman was interested in you- at least allow that to boost your confidence to get out there and DO IT AGAIN!!!

[theproman23]

Some women are just very confused and confusing. I can't believe netiher of them told you about having a BF. You would have thought the second one atleast would have said something when you started necking! Jeese. Don't get down about it. Some women don't take flirting as flirting, it's very annyoing actually. Some women flirt thinking it's just innocent but no matter how much guys explain to women the no flirting is innocent with guys they don't understand. I guess just be more careful next time and I guess make it clearer from the beginning that you're intrested in a date not a night out with a friend.

[shorty20]

wow, thats crazy! Two girls in a row! Don't let them play dumb. If a guy that I wasn't close with asked me to "hang out" alone whether it was to watch a movie or to go out for drinks or dinner, I would know that he was interested in me. Those girls are giving the decent ones a bad rep. Not all girls are like that! Just pick up and move on... lol maybe that's the first thing you should ask them. Say "hey, I'm _____, do you have a boyfriend?" if she says no you're in the clear! Lol...

[Suladan]

Dont even bother trying to understand women....it isnt possible!

[friscodj]

I've had that happen before, where for me it was a "date" and for her it was...who knows...

 

The second situation? Guess her boyfriend wasn't giving her what she wanted and she needed a little outside lovin'...how would you like to be that guy? You're better off without her my friend...

 

You are doing well. I remember when you first came here, you were a mess. The key point here is to focus on your actions and not the outcome. You are doing good things to meet and get involved with women, the right outcome just hasn't happened yet. But if you stay the course, she'll come along and you'll brighten up each other's lives...

 

As far as trying to figure out women and what they do...I tried that for a while...fruitless my friend...fruitless...

[deejay74]

you know what? these experiences i've had are making me not trust women. i mean, i've always had a hard time trusting females because of situations like i had last night and with that other girl i've mentioned. i've seen it happen too many times. i am not saying that guys don't do it, but in my experience, women seem to be much better at sneaking around.

 

i have had 1 girl basically cheat on me and my last GF i suspected left me for someone else and started to develop a relationship while we were going out. then i meet these 2 girls who never mentioned their boyfriends and last night I got physical with one of them. To top it off, i've slept with a couple of girls a couple years ago and both of them had BFs but i was single.

 

i know how i am - i can't be friends with a female whom i am attracted to. i just can't do it because i am always thinking about getting intimate with that person. so i don't have a lot of female friends.

 

hmm, i am not sure how i can start trusting someone i am interested in, especially if we are in a relationship. some of it may stem from insecurities but most of it comes from me experiences with women.

 

makes me a little frustrated and sad, honestly. i'm trying to remain positive like gnaba said and take the fact that the girl last night was attractive and wanted hang out with me, but then i think that she just wanted to be friends. hmph!