Does anyone have any idea/solution to why im still single?!

[Latavia]

Hey, my name is Latavia, okay i have this big problem, but for anyone to understand me i need to describe my self in detail so you get a picture of what im chatting about. Im 17, 5"3, im a of medium/small build, im black, i have decent hair,dress well. Most of my clothes from H&M. I have soft brown eys, kinda big, my skin tones kinda yellow golden brown, but im not mixed race, both parents black. I have straight white teeth, im of normal intelligence, can excell myself here and there. My eyebrows are plucked on a regular basis there very defined, a lil thin, but not drastically.I walk around school like ive got an attiude problem, apparently and look scary....i havent got a boyfriend, havent had a serious one in 4years!How sad i know. I just dunno whats wrong with me, its like ive got a STAY AWAY AURA ABOUT ME.But im not like that at all, boys at my school will just stare as i walk by, none of them will talk to me. The one time one of my old friends who's considered a god talked to me he had to be coaxed by one of his mates. i was there listening to them whispering.it was so embarissing! I have a lot of friends, but findiding a boyfriend is a problem, boys just wont bother, and i dunno why! can someone, anyone please help me and suggest a reason why, its starting to tick me of, and i aint liking it.

thanks Latavia.

[nikkinikki]

I remember feeling like you did when I was 17--especially the part about people looking but not saying anything. With the exception of height (I was 5'10") your description sounds a lot like mine, and your worry about finding a guy is probably more common than you think. One thing you said really stands out. You mentioned that you walk around school like you've got an attitude problem and that you apparently look scary. You may have hit the nail right on the head with that observation. If you're not approachable, people won't approach you. Some of the loveliest people in the world are alone because they're carring a cold aura, and people sense it. Maybe it's time for you to open up. Could be you're also too concerned about the outside (skin tone, H&M clothes, which i love too by the way)? Maybe you can put yourself into more situations where people can get to know the real you--your thoughts, dreams, emotions, etc. If you haven't done so already, find a group at school that interests you and get involved. It's a great way to meet people (read: boys).

[Kursk43]

Some people are so hot that the people that look at them are scared to tell them because they might get rejected.Nobody likes getting rejected its true

[Latavia]

Thank you so much nikki. I do need to look into myself alot more, i suppose infact i know i dont bother with speaking to people other than my friends, i dunno its like i dont want people to get to close to me, coz im just gonna get hurt. ive gone through an enormous amount of pain in my life and i dont want to get hurt, coz thats what happens, i let people get to know me, then theyn just use my kindness to their advantage.i had this one insident with this christian boy at my school who was 17 at the time and i was 16. The thing is he thought he was soo good, and i did too because i got to know him intellectually(he is quite bright) but then his ego got too big, think i scared him away at a party when i said i liked him, then had to change the subject coz he gave me a sarcastic "ahhhh" when i told him, that hurt, felt rejected coz most boys wud of leapt, says me mateslol. either way he got to know me a lil deeper than most. anyway the whole time he was brushingme off and insisting that we be friends, he really liked me. i found this out a few months after he left 4 uni, from one of his mates who was mine coz she worked wtih me and only new bcoz of him apparently. she said all he wud talk about is me, no girl cud be talked about. anyway that experience did mess me up coz i thought i cudnt get this boy, which every1, including his friends thought i cud get, so i think im stll reeling from this expereince. but im just protecting myself....arnt i. well i know i got to get to know people more. but i feel as if im seeling myself, i like to keep protected and strong, but ever1's got to get hurt i suppose, but i feel as though im always gettin hurt.

thank you, i hope i can be more open!

Latavia

[Evergreen19]

Hey, Latavia. You answered my post a while ago. I might as well give you some input as well.

 

Regarding the guy who talked to you while his friends were whispering--we guys do that a lot. We tell a guy "talk to that girl" (hence the coaxing) and whisper about every little thing he does while laying down his game. Don't worry about that--we're all immature and would rather have some dude make a fool of himself than us. Btw, it's really easy to tell if a guy likes you--dilated pupils, smiling, moving his eyes up and down your body, mouth if open, etc.

 

After some contemplation, I think you and I have similar problems--we're intimidating people with uninviting auras. You not only seem to be attractive, but different--and different people get stared at a lot. I'm a lighter skinned Filipino with broad shoulders, good posture, nice clothes, and wavy black hair--attractive, but different. Some girls who are pretty but have such serious looks on their faces never get approached. So, soften up the image a bit and all should be well.

[Latavia]

Heya elgi,

yeah i think your right, and i like to be different. But i had hoped that there would be someone who would find my differentness interesting and would step up. i mean i dont mean to be intimidating its just how i am. i suppose i could soften myself up a little bit, but i dunno just think that peeps like ourself were somehow put in situations like this to show that were meant for bigger and better things.And as for the boys whispering....eh never thought about thaat(obviously coz i wud be up myself) but yeah i mean i new they were talking about me, but didnt if you get me?! i mean another example, a group of boys were not being so subtle but i think they thought they were, but then i think they were trying to get my attention.anyway i was sitting down eating my lunch with my mate, then this boy who i do see around but stares and fronts stands up with his boys(so they all crowd round him) and point and stare and agree, then i look up and away so i can see them from the corner of my eye so i dont make eye contact, and yeah still pointing and staring then they sit down. so i dont take no notice coz i think that there taking the piss or dissing me. then he turns around again and really trys to get a good look and ive caught his glance and im looking at him looking at me, then i get freaked out and confused and look as far down at my lunch as possible(then tell my girllol) i just dont get it,i mean i did see him up the city lastweek with my girl, but he was with this girl that i assumed was his girlfriend. but anyway thats not the point, its the fact that he keeps on pointing and staring, and not being subtle, what does he want me to come ova and ask?and the look was so intense and inquisistive like i was on fire or something!??this is making me well paranoid!?then omg these other group of boys the year below me, one of them is always staring and he is trying to be subtle, always trying to catch my eye, but im not a bitch i dont lead him on, i dont smile i just look away without smiling.but yeah his lot always follow me into the library try to sit on the computers infront of mine and just get in quick stares when they can. it makes me so embaressed and paranoid at times coz if i liked anyone of them i wud do something, not just stare.aahhhhh im gonna go crazy, but im sure you get this aswell! so what do i do,to let them no im not intrested but just cud be mates?none of them have ever spoken to me by the way. i mean i dont wanna do what i usually do and get bitchy if im to soften up know do i?

hope to hear from u soon,

thanks,

Latavia

[Evergreen19]

I know what you mean. When girls stare at me, I like to pretend I don't see them even though I do--play it cool. Not everyone who looks at me is attractive in my eyes, so I do that to avoid leading on.

 

Sometimes my homies and I look and point at girls who don't appear to be looking at us. So, if guys take notice of you, it's interest. What you could do is make and break eye contact quickly to let them know you're not interested.

 

Guys don't do that to ugly girls--ugly girls are invisible to us. Those guys, in their obvious ways, are letting you know they like how you look. Do girls stare at guys they think are ugly?

[Latavia]

heya,

soz took while to reply. But yeah thanks for that, its def put my mind at ease. But yeah the thing is it depends on the type of girl. You see when girls see a boy thats ugly that walks by and thinks he's all that then we laugh and you can generally tell coz we WILL MAKE IT OBVIOUS AND PULL FACES. However like you said ugly peeps r invisible to us. But if your cute then we give you the eye and just keep on checking you out and smiling. Or we might double take and get embaressed if you make eye contact with us.

[Evergreen19]

Aight, word--I know what you mean. If my homies are with me, I ask them to check if that girl was making a nasty face--luckily, I haven't gotten an "ewww" face except the time I was drunk and all red in the face. Good looking out, and good luck to you. I go back to school soon, so maybe something will turn out for me as well.

[Latavia]

hey thanks man, uve given me s um really good advice!

yeah i went back to school lastweek, its been the same, but now i know!lol,

hope u get lucky 2!

xxlataviaxx