am i wrong or is he?

[missmebaby]

my ex broke up with me about a month ago because we were always fighting and basically just getting sick of each other and all the drama. after about 2 and half weeks of not seeing each other and having little contact we went out together one night and had a great time together. ever since that night we have been talking and hanging out almost everyday and trying to make things work again. it was his idea. he said he saw that we really could get along and he said he wants to talk for awhile and hang out and if things go well we will get back together. well heres the problem: for the first week or so i couldnt believe the change in him. he was treating me so good. it was like when we first started dating and we couldnt get enough of each other. he wanted to see me everyday that week except on saturday night when he wanted to go out with his friends. he was always kissing me and holding me and telling me how happy he was that things were going good again. he said that he knew he had been a jerk to me and he wanted to change for me, and hes going to change and be a good guy. basically he was doing all the things that guys do when they like a girl and are trying to have a relationship with them.

 

then the weekend came and he went out with his friends and i went out with mine. he called me that night and we got into a big fight because he asked me if i got any guy's numbers and i told him that i had gotten this one guy's number that ive known forever and been friends with for a long time because he wanted me to call him for directions to come out to a party later. my ex knows him also and i explained to him that it was only so i could get directions. but he started to yell at me and get an attitude. then i heard him tell his brother "tell her she better come out here." and i knew he was talking about this 30 year old woman that his brother had been trying to hook him up with. (my ex is only 21.) so he had just gotten mad at me for getting a friend's number but then 2 seconds later he tells his brother to invite an older woman that hes never met to come to the bar so he can meet her. then when i got mad about that he acted like i was crazy for getting mad. he usually calls me in the morning when he wakes up but he didnt the next day so i ended up calling him. he told me that he still wanted to talk and hang out with me and see how things go.

 

ever since then hes acted totally different, he never calls when he says hes going to, its always 20 mins to 1 hour later than he says, when he calls me he barely talks and doesnt want to stay on the phone for long, when im with him hes not as affectionate has he was last week, he acts like he doesnt really care that much if we hang out or not when last week he was begging to see me everyday. so last night i question him about it and he acts like nothing is different. he said that his feelings havent changed and he didnt think he was acting different at all. then he started to get mad because i was asking too many questions and he said "this is what i hate about you, you always say crap like this and say that i am acting differently but im not." i just dont understand why hes getting angry and annoyed and acting like im doing something wrong. im not imagining that he is acting differently than last week. it bothers me so much that he doesnt seem to be trying. ive tried to explain that he can SAY he wants to make this work but his ACTIONS are showing something different, but he just gets all mad and says hes not doing anything wrong or being different than he was. i just want him to put in a little effort and act like he cares about me and wants to make this work instead of just saying he does. i mean last week he did a great job of it but now this week its like hes a different person. it confuses the hell out of me because im thinking "well is he changing his mind about wanting to be with me?" "are his feelings changing?" "is he interested in someone else?" it takes 2 people to put in the effort to make something work especially since this is the second time we've broken up and tried to get back together.

 

he gets so mad at me for saying hes different but he doesnt understand that if he would just show me some affection and just show like he cares about me then i wouldnt have to ask him about how he feels or tell him hes acting differently and we would both be happy. i dont know, maybe i am the wrong one here. am i expecting too much? am i just insecure? should i not get mad that one week he treats me like he really wants me and the next he kind of ignores me?

[xblondyx]

Seems as though he's completely messing you around.

 

Ok, you broke up, then he obviously was bored and missed the kissing and stuff so he hooked up with you - doesn't want to be in a relationship, just wants fun but gets jealous when you get a guy's number?

 

Maybe its the case that he doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you either?

 

I say do NC for a while then if he really is sorry and wants to be with you he will have time to think this over. If not then keep well away, he's messing you around and you deserve better!

[shorty20]

this reminds me of a relationship that I was in for 3 years. Everything was great for the first year and a half, then it all went down the drain. He cheated on me, I took him back. We broke up so many times in that last year and a half of our relationship. We'd break up, then we'd start hanging out, then we'd fall back intot he routine of things but not have a title, then we'd add a title and after a week or so he'd be back to his old ways of acting like he didn't care whether he saw me or not, talked to me or not... I'd say something about it and he'd get mad at turn it around on me. He'd say "this is why we're always breaking up, because you always nag me".... save yourself the heartache and make him chose. None of this "lets see how things go" either he wants to be with you or not. If he wants to be with you he needs to show you, otherwise I think you need to do NC at least for a while. PM me anytime you want, I know exactly what you're going through. Don't let him make you feel bad for your feelings, they are most deffinatley justified.

[dogheadma]

Based on your post, it sounds like neither one of you are ready to get serious at this point. It seems like you both want to see each other but also see other people which is fine, nothing wrong with that. Or maybe he wants to be able to see other people but dosen't feel you should be able to do the same. It dosen't sound like he really wants to communicate or put much effort into being with you either. Don't worry about getting things getting serious, keep your options open and see how things go.

[Lady Bugg]

I agree with the others.........although I know it's hard to hear that.

He sounds like he's on his way "out" emotionally. This just happens sometimes.

Sometimes just walking away is the BEST thing to do. Just go quiet on him. Don't ask him questions about how HE's feeling about the relationship....let him wonder if YOU care. Doing NC works sometimes..and sometimes it doesn't....but the fact is when someone is walking away from you..the worst thing to do is chase after them. Let them go.

[missmebaby]

well he has helped me to finally make up my mind. all day yesterday we had plans to hang out if i got off work early. this was HIS idea, not mine. he called me early yesterday morning on his way to work and asked me if he was going to get to see me that night. so we made plans that i would come over if i got off work at 7. so i call him around 5:30 and say that im still not sure if im going to be able to leave at 7 so he tells me to call him as soon as i know so he knows whether to make plans with his friends or not. so i call him at 7 when im about to leave and say that im about to leave work. well he says he thinks hes going out with his friends tonight now. he said he will call me back as soon as he knows for sure what they're doing. well i was mad because hes blowing me off after we've had plans all day and i tell him how i feel about it but he doesnt seem to care and he just says "well i figured you werent going to get off at 7 so i made other plans. ill call you back and let you know if im doing them for sure."

 

so i drive home and wait awhile but he still hasnt called so i get in the shower. when i get out i see that he has finally called me like 5 mins ago so i call him back and he doesnt answer. 10 mins pass and he still hasnt called me back so i call him again and leave a voicemail. i know by now that he is just ignoring my calls because he always has his phone with him and knows if someone is calling. well he calls me back like 25 mins later and tells me hes at his old high school's football game with his friends. i said "well thanks alot for blowing me off tonight." and of course he doesnt even care. he just says "whatever, its stupid that you're mad about it." and i said "well im glad you ditched me for a high school football game." and he just says "yea." so i said "whatever, bye" and he just hangs up without saying anything. so i text him saying "thank you, you helped me make my decision" meaning that by him ditching me and acting like such a jerk that i made up my mind that i dont want to try anymore with him. but once again he doesnt care so he doesnt text or call me back. i dont know, am i blowing this out of proportion? was it wrong for me to get mad that he went out with his friends tonight instead of hanging out with me like we had planned?

 

i just feel that im always second best, it was never like this when we were together, he always put his friends second and me first. im just so sick of him hurting me every single day by doing stuff like this. and he NEVER thinks hes wrong. i know that he probly thinks i get annoying and that im a nag but am i supposed to not be mad or not say something when he does something wrong or doesnt treat me right?? he does this stuff and i get so mad and swear that im done with him but then he always says or does something that makes me come running back. i just dont know how a guy that used to be so in love with me and used to treat me so good can hurt me everyday and not even care and can treat me so bad. yea i know we're not together and we're only talking and seeing how things go but the seeing how things go part seems only to apply to me. like i have to try really hard so he wants to get back together but he doesnt have to try. i just cant take this anymore, no matter how much i love him and want to be with him no one should have to put up with the stuff he puts me through everyday. i guess i have to force myself to move on and forget about him. you'd think when someone treats you this bad and makes you cry and doesnt even care that you wouldnt want anything to do with them...but for some reason i still do.