Hi Everyone

[sunwillshine]

I am new to this forum. I am 4 months past my break up but am still experiencing some emotional relapses. I have been through divorce...was married for 15 years but this break-up broke my heart. We had been together on/off for 4 years...The first time we broke up...it was more of a break we each needed. He had been separated and I had separated/divorced...we were apart for almost 2 years with limited contact during. We got back together last October...and then in May...due to some pretty heavy issues our relationship ended...I know it was for the best...my head knows this 100%...but my heart ached...We have had No Contact except for the briefest of briefest (1 minute exactly) talk in mid-June.

The first 6 weeks were absolutely horrible...I felt like I was in a black hole I would never get out of...I did what I had to do to get by everyday and I fought the urge to retreat to my bed...I went to therapy every week...talked with friends...cried...screamed...raged...wrote letters I will not send...kept a journal...read...joined another forum...and slowly I came out of the darkness...and was doing okay

But yesterday I had a major emotional meltdown...it really surprised me...I thought I was past the rawness...It made me realize that this is a process that takes time...I have a couple of friends I can share this with but both are out of town for the weekend...my other friends (who I love) do not always understand...because of what he did which caused the break up. It had nothing to do with cheating...but with drug addiction...the story is long and complicated and really does not matter because the reality today is he is no longer in my life and never will be...I miss my friend and my lover...I miss the man he once was...

I just want to be over him...

Life has gotten better...I have hope today...the sun shines today...I am moving along and on with my life...I might even go out on a date this week...

I guess the reason why I have come here is to check on myself and to make sure I am on the right path...I believe in these forums...I believe in the sharing and learning that goes on here...I am sorry this is so long...Thank You...Gee

[DN]

Welcome to eNotAlone. You will find some helpful people here who have been through similar things and will try to help you.

 

One thing I can say is that getting over a breakup does indeed take time and sometimes you have better or worse days. "Relapses' of emotion are not unusual - but they become less and further apart as times goes on. You will heal and you will be happy again.

 

When going through hell -- keep going.

[motog]

wow youve been through it but you know what you dont want. its only been weeks you will find soon if he was not the love of your life then you will have moved on i think. otherwise like mei think your in for the long haul. ony you know that. hope this helps. stay safe

[sunwillshine]

Thank-you both. DN --- love the quote...I am the type of person that fights through the rough times...

I guess it does take time...I lose patience with myself and get angry that I still allow my feelings for him get the best of me...

And Motog...I do believe he was the love of my life...but addiction changed that! I thought we would share our lives for a long time...but that is not happening or ever will.

Today was a much better day...sometimes I feel I am still on that roller coaster ride...

Its just weird to me...I can usually work through things pretty quickly but I guess it takes a while to heal a broken heart...