broke up..... missing sex with the ex.... but getting it somewhere else

[SeaBisquit]

this is a personal thread. I'm not sure how many will answer but it also a vent. after i went thru a terrible breakup i found myself sleeping with someone else only three days later. and i have slept with alot of other guys too. i don't know if i miss the sex i had with the ex or what it is. i feel really bad about myself and i don't know why i do this?

[NJRon]

Be careful you don't use sex to fill a deeper void. In the end, it starts to eat at your self-esteem and can become a viscious cycle. Some times, the only way to start feeling good about yourself is to do things that make you proud... those are not always the things that provide short-term happiness.

[breeze33]

I think you're covering the pain and boosting the self-esteem lost by the breakup by sleeping around.

 

it's like putting a bandaid on a gaping wound. you will feel bad afterwards.

 

not only that, you are not respecting your body. there are a lot of STDs out there.

 

don't do this. there are other more constructive ways to get over a breakup but if this is something you can't help, it may be sex addiction.

there are 12 step groups out there that can help you.

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[breeze33]

You're human and humans (no matter how much we try to bring religion into it etc.) are sexual creatures and that desire for sex is always going to shine through even if you try to supress it. It's probably not so much that you miss sex w/your ex but that you don't like the idea of no sex period hence you've continued to say active despite not being in a relationship right now. Again only natural despite what others try to say.

 

the problem is, she is finding it a problem.

 

I agree, wanting sex is a natural desire. But to sleep indiscriminately with anyone if this is the case, does not fix the problem, only makes it worse.

 

After my breakup, yes, I did sleep with two other people. But it sounds like she is sleeping around with a lot of guys. And like I said, it is her body, she needs to respect her body and realize there are a lot of STDs out there.....and the possibility of getting pregnant by someone she doesn't care about.

[5280Lady]

It's called male validation that you're seeking. A good therapist would help you to uncover the deeper issues that surround this issue. This behavior is often seen in young women who were sexually abused, abandoned and/or had a physically or emotionally absent father. Any of those apply?

[NJRon]

Yes. It is akin to any addictive behavior. You transfer your desire to be filled to an external means... be it sex, drugs, gambling, alcohol... any number of things. It is important to address the issue with yourself.

 

All things in moderation. It's not easy and don't get too down on yourself if you experience slips. But, the best way I have found to get out of that kind of situation is, as I mentioned, start doing things you are proud of. Even just one thing a day. Something you can look back on at the end of that day and feel proud you accomplished it. It's step-by-step. You need to rebuild your self-esteem.

 

Don't fall into the trap of seeking external validation or transferring your foc us to a different external tool. Focus on yourself.

[breeze33]

i think it is a void i'm trying to fill that is my point. i don't normally sleep with alot of guys. but know i am sleeping with guys that i don't even know or like. i just want to know if other people have gone thru the same thing?

 

I did that when I was younger after a terrible breakup also. If the sparks were there, then it was off to his or my place.

 

I found after a few months of that, I ended up feeling bad about myself, people were talking about me, and one of them even got me pregnant for which I had to get an abortion. I realized it wasn't worth it and stopped that kind of behavior.

 

After my last breakup, I found too many things to keep me busy. Sure, I would think about sex but I didn't need anyone I didn't know or even like in my bed. I find it preferable to wait....but I know what you mean about the urge. Just keep yourself busy with friends, hobbies, activities and things that make you feel good about yourself.

[flower99]

Be careful you don't use sex to fill a deeper void. In the end, it starts to eat at your self-esteem and can become a viscious cycle. Some times, the only way to start feeling good about yourself is to do things that make you proud... those are not always the things that provide short-term happiness.

 

Comptelely agree!

After my breakup, I started sleeping with a number of men... I began to feel bad about myself as well. I realized I was looking for something in the wrong places and it was only a filler.

 

it's true sometimes the only way to start feeling good about yourself is do things that you will be proud of the next day, not thinga that provide shot term happiness.

When you start doing things that you'll be proud of, you'll find out more things about yourself. Maybe even why you started doing it to begin with.

best of luck

[bigredvick]

You're human and humans (no matter how much we try to bring religion into it etc.) are sexual creatures and that desire for sex is always going to shine through even if you try to supress it. It's probably not so much that you miss sex w/your ex but that you don't like the idea of no sex period hence you've continued to say active despite not being in a relationship right now. Again only natural despite what others try to say.

 

i dont believe that all humans are just sexual creatures. i havent had sex in 3 months and when i was able to be with my girlfriend 24/7 we had sex everynight. its just that you're missing on having sex. try staying with someone new. talk to somenoe and get to know that person before you end up with a bad rep.