Its over for the very last time - need friends

[flooglebinder]

Frustrated!!! She instigated NC herself on tuesday. Last night I got a txt from her, just to ask about tickets, no emotion, no how are you or anything, then she told me about a house her parents want to view, very near me, again very matter of fact. Whats going on?? y is did she txt? whats she up to? or was it all very innocent and I'm reading too much into it? Help!! wot do u guys think?

[desertnomad]

Personally I wouldnt read to much into it floogle. Like my ex calling me asking for credit card info and other financial stuff when she could have easily emailed or got it on her own. I read into it that she was maybe using it as a reason to talk because things werent going so good for her. But it wasnt. As soon as I talked about the relationship it ended up being the same old thing...all my fault. Some people when they break up with you still feel entitled to have you help them in whatever way they see fit. It really is callous. Not saying this is what is happening in your case but it did in mine. I wouldnt read to much into it honestly. Lifes to short for games.

[flooglebinder]

thanks desert, i'll try to put it out of my mind, its just frustrating she actually contacted me when she was the one who wanted NC. and so soon too. aarghh!

[desertnomad]

turn it around on her,put her on nc. what does she think she can just put you on NC and take you off and put you back on whenever she wants? your not a yoyo.show her you can do just fine without her (even if it doesnt seem that way right now). maybe she will have a change of heart and if she does you will know it but if not you will still be better off not being yanked around like that. is there a way to block txt messages somehow?

[flooglebinder]

Not sure I can block txts, anyway, hopefully that will be the end of it. She now has no reason to contact me, or excuse should I say. If I can get to 6 weeks NC then I think I'll be ok. Starting to feel angry in parts now, sad then angry, sad then angry - what stage am I at.?

[desertnomad]

Your at the sad then angry then sad again stage. 8) No I still feel the same way after almost 3 months and I hope thats not bad. I think there are layers of recovery after being dumped or a breakup. I feel that deep down inside I am just starting to come to a realization that she (who I thought was my one real friend in life who had my back) is not coming back ever. I feel like I am missing her at that deep level. I really never wanted her to leave it wasnt so bad between us and was getting better. Hang in there Floogle

[flooglebinder]

How can someone just walk out of your life in an instant when you were best friends. I had done nothing wrong, treated her like no other will, her problems are with her folks and wanting to please them. I suppose she thought I was getting in the way of something. Whos there now for her to lean on, I've always been there for her. nothing makes sense today.

[desertnomad]

In my case all I can think is that I really wasnt her best friend. She could never forgive me for things said a few years back or that was her claim though she dished out as good as she got. You can never tell whats going on in another persons mind though. We all hope they are as committed and loving and as capable of loving us as we are them. But in our cases that turned out not to be so true. I know it doesnt make any sense. My ex is now back alone in another state with only family around , a place she never wanted to go back to. I was there for her everyday and told her how much I loved her, helped greatly in paying the bills and came up with great fun things for us to do all the time. Some people just cant see the big picture and only focus on the small things or the things that are wrong. It may be all about maturity. when I was younger I made the same mistake because I didnt know better. But believe me now I know. If you have someone who is honest and loyal and fun who genuinely cares about you and supports you (despite causing you some stress some days) you stick with them. I dont know how people can turn off their emotions so quickly. People who do that are very conflicted and really dont know who they are or what they want. My ex obvious had two distinct sides to her that were always battling each other. I know my ex had problems with her folks and she left them to move to another state years ago. She was glad she left on the one hand but always guilty on the other. I could tell. And those feelings cause a very strong pull.

[flooglebinder]

I cant get my head round it. Is she sat there wondering if I'm thinking of her, wondering what I'm doing, wondering if I will contact her? probably not, but then how could she not? maybe she will soon, maybe she won't. I thouht today what it would be like if I met someone else and it made me feel sick. I dont want anyone else. today it would just be nice to hear from her, to know she is thinking of me, stupid, but thats the emotion today.

[motog]

I feel for you mate i really do . at 24 shes able to make her own decisions to be with you. be proud of yourself and the love you have for her and show here even though you are hurting. shes going to be in the situation with the parents no matter who it is. they wont let her go. so id say its not about you as a person. how long can you hang in there for mate? Id say hang in there but try slowly to build your own life too, then either way you can decide whats best for you. it about choices . stay safe

[flooglebinder]

Thanks motoq!

 

One thing I cant do is wait around, I need to be me, if I'm not me then I'll be in singledom for the rest of my life, and thats scary. we will see what the next couple of months bring.

[motog]

hi mate , your seeing this like if this doesnt work out for you theres nothing else for you. you found her or she found you . that should tell you something about yourself. , theres no way youll be on your own forever we all think that way , its natural in times like this. I do know its just your self esteems low you feel your life is in someone elses hands or theres nothing . I took the choice to walk and im scared as hell and feel the same as you. your not on your own matey. my ex has got the mother from hell whos done the best to get rid of me to move in herself . prob like you i never did anything but i was a threat .

[motog]

hi mate , your seeing this like if this doesnt work out for you theres nothing else for you. you found her or she found you . that should tell you something about yourself. , theres no way youll be on your own forever we all think that way , its natural in times like this. I do know its just your self esteems low you feel your life is in someone elses hands or theres nothing . I took the choice to walk and im scared as hell and feel the same as you. your not on your own matey. my ex has got the mother from hell whos done the best to get rid of me to move in herself . prob like you i never did anything but i was a threat .

"its not you its me , i know no one will love me like you do" er.....thanks

[flooglebinder]

Thanks guys, I need stuff like this.

 

I hate the nights and mornings most. I don't know why. I 've been going over and over stuff in my head and some things just don't add up. I'm starting to think its not as cut and dried as she said, I'm wondering if there is someone else involved, it would make sense of a couple of things. But why would she not tell me if there was? I suppose I want the truth, I want to ask her for the truth but I cant do that. Just want her to be thinking of me.

[flooglebinder]

ARRRGGHH!! why am I finding today really really tough. I thought I might feel a little better by now. Was it because of the weekend? really really want to hear something, wanted to contact her somehow last night but I didnt. HELP!!!

[timlondon]

Haha, I’m having a terrible day too. I think it’s partly because I had such a great weekend, so having to get back to the humdrum routine of normal life – and being quite tired after the weekend – exacerbates feeling bad because of the breakup.

 

It is quite difficult dealing with this rollercoaster of emotions. Somehow just getting through a low patch would be a lot easier than unpredictably feeling absolutely fine, or feeling totally miserable. Anyway, it’s a learning experience I guess…and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

[motog]

when you dont contact them they can think what they like but they cant think your weak . keep it that way stay safe

[flooglebinder]

I suppose your right, this week has been long long long. still hate the nights and the mornings. Still thinking, tho more ermm, not anger, but something I cant explain.

[flooglebinder]

Its been a week since we broke up, the feeling is worse, tho not constant. I get patches of maybe 15mins where I don't think of her. But they are only patches. I'm trying to work out where to go from here, its not easy. I want her to know what I'm feeling and I want to know how she is feeling. But I am eating, and not drinking too much which is better than the last time we broke up. Strangely enough exactly the same time last year, right after she came back from holiday and its happened all over again. How long can she last before she misses me. Maybe forever.

[g44]

i am sorry to hear about this but it is best u never think about her as a partner again.

 

i mean how does one cheat if they claim to be IN love with you?

 

u say within moments of leaving she is hooking up?

 

It is not possible to trust again

 

What can she do to prove she is loyal and faithful now and has learned her lesson? Nothing

 

i once heard of a woman that cheated 6 months into a relationship and again a year later. and its not like she lied to my face about it - just never showed any sign of guilt whatsoever. and i heard that it was described this way "The cheating wasn't full blown sex..actually she was the giver without receipt of anything."

 

that is so whacked. what a weird way of looking at initmacy. i think the person that was in love with her actually wrote a love song for her.

 

a promise is a declaration assuring that one will do something; a vow.

 

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your

destiny is never tied to anybody that left. People leave you because they are not joined to you. this i really understand now.

 

And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over or they were never really part of the novel. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying toraise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over.

 

Let me tell you something. I've learn how to wrap the gift of good-bye.