Getting tired of men & having bi-curious feelings..

[KIDD]

This is so frustrating, my feelings are all over the place these days. It just seems like I can't find someone real & down to earth & it irks me. It seems like all of the guys I come into contact with are players, whether gay,straight or bisexual. Maybe because the guys I talk to are young & they're not ready to settle down but it's whatever. There doesn't seem to be anybody worth talking to or interesting. It's rather discouraging to me & I've grown tired of guys whether emotionally or sexually. I know not all guys are like this but I'm sure having bad luck finding decent people.

 

Strangely I have an attraction to this girl at work, I think she may like me too but I actually think I'm having feelings for her Though it's not sexually, maybe I'm mixing caring feelings with love, I don't know.We talk alot & she's just really cool & down to earth, we click alot. Today I was actually fantasizing about holding her & kissing her. I was actually enjoying this little fantasy. I actually would like to have a relationship with this young lady. Though I'm not sexually attracted to her, I am emotionally attracted to her. I don't know if that makes sense. She's a very attractive young woman but she doesn't turn me on sexually, I just have feelings for her. I really need to think because I know I would end up hurting this girl down the road somewhere so I just need to leave this area alone.I don't know when I'll like men again or whatever. I'm pretty sure I'm still gay, just confused right now.

 

Like I said, I'm confused right now & I just have alot to think about. My thoughts are all over the place & I'm worried like all of the time now.

[caring person]

Some people change as they grow older and more mature. Please, continue to grow with your relationship with the girl at work, it sounds like she's the one for you!

 

Take care and God bless,

[KIDD]

Please, continue to grow with your relationship with the girl at work, it sounds like she's the one for you!

 

Take care and God bless,

 

That's the thing, I don't know if I should. I'm confused because I know deep down I'm gay, but I'm actually having feelings for a female. So I'm just mixed up right now because I'm not attracted to her sexually. I know sex isn't a big deal but if we do get into a relationship, sex will become an issue eventually. I don't know maybe I will be turned on by her.

 

I don't even know what I'm saying, I think I'm headed for a nervous breakdown seriously. I'm constantly nervous & agitated all of the time. I'm constantly worrying about myself & it's not good. Now I'm having complex feelings for a female. I feel like my brain is a puzzle & everything is seriously unscrambled right now...

[annie24]

hey - don't freak out too much. if you like spending time with her, go ahead. get to know her. ask her to get coffee with you - see how you feel.

 

sexuality isn't an all or nothing thing. Most people aren't 100% gay or 100% straight - there is a lot of grey area.

 

if you like this girl, get to know her better. good luck

[Daddy Bear]

KIDD/ThaKid, i've been following your threads for several months now, and i know that you're guided by your conscience and a better man than most. ignore all outside influences; you don't need anyone to tell you what to do in this case. follow your heart, whether it leads you toward this girl or away, and you will be at peace with yourself.

[hosswhispra]

Hey KIDD

 

Don't settle for anyone.

 

If you don't feel the sexual spark with this girl, that's not good. Do not pursue it.

 

An emotional and mental connection is great. However, without sexual attraction she is just a friend. Don't sell yourself short, KIDD. Be patient, you will find someone who you are sexually, mentally, emotionally and spiritually attracted to.

 

hosswhispra

 

 

An

[annie24]

So I'm just mixed up right now because I'm not attracted to her sexually

 

Maybe the feelings you are feeling for her are more as a friend or a sister? and that's ok. if you aren't attracted to her, don't pursue a romantic relationship

[DetrimentalContemplations]

The only thing you can honestly do at this point and time is sit back and take a deep breath. Stop worrying so much about everything -- and I know that you want to, trust me. But what's the worst case scenario? Nothing happens?

 

Now, you're obviously experiencing some kinds of feelings for her, and time is the only thing that can aid in the process of seeing what may or may not happen.

 

You say you're not sexually attracted to her? That's fine for the time being, stop thinking so far ahead, love. At your current stand point, the only person that you have to worry about -- is yourself, and that's how it should be until you've completely taken a moment to yourself where you can find solitude and ask yourself the questions you're having trouble with. Then, and only then might your subconscious be able to answer them for you.

 

Relax. Take time. Don't skip to the future -- if there's one thing anyone is completely bad at -- it's deciphering their own future. Breathe, babe, just breathe, and don't lose too much sleep over it, remember -- it takes time to develop anything for anyone. You've got nothing to worry about until you decide, ultimately, where this is going. The choice is yours, the worry is inevitable, but unneeded.

 

I hope that I helped. ;D

 

xo steff

[Jinx]

Well, I did have a mild bout of this myself at one time when I was really low on finding a girlfriend or my future. I've heard many others surprising as it may seem state the same exact thing.

 

Since it is accepted, if we're good individuals like yourself people of the opposite sex will come to us in most cases (I say most because there are some perfectly fine men and women up there that are just exasperated over why no one approaches them and the like) and show interest, and more often are not as shallow as some of the more outgoing queers our own age.

 

I was really discouraged for awhile because all the lesbians I met if they were my age were shallow IF they approached me. I suppose its because the shy ones like from a distance and don't have the same "Go for it..." confidence that the typicals chasers do. Not always but in my experience usually.

 

Also, younger individuals don't always seem to be secure in their sexuality and those that are pretty sure start second guessing because of the lack of stable individuals our own age.

 

This is one thing I love about my girlfriend, we have a 17 years difference but she is secure in her sexuality and who she is. I am secure in my sexuality absolutely now (and relatively was too except on that one low week or so) and we click perfectly. She has nothing to prove beyond her own goals, we're both mature, good communication, so forth. It took a long time digging through a lot of dirt before finding the gem.

 

Anyhow, back on subject. I think for some once they encounter so many let downs on their gay side but find so much positive in the straight side it brings the confusion again about "What if..." personally like I say, when I was on an extreme low I did that too. In the back of my mind I knew I couldn't love a man physically but it was the sudden mentality of, "It just cannot get any worst than this stuff I'm finding..." and especially bad when you find, for example in your case, a female which is not out for games, down to earth, open and perhaps an affection true being. Can get any better than that can it? Found it in another gay male? No.

 

Regardless, you may be Bi-Curious, Bisexual or Gay and on the low point at the moment. Personally, if you think you want to go for it, then try. I've felt it, I've known others who have the mass discouragement, its horrible. Then again maybe you are Bisexual and this is positive and maybe a learning experience about yourself.

 

For me, I had to take the incentive and run my own mission to find lesbians and Bisexuals which I clicked with. Problem being, is that myself having severe wanderlust, indepdent from family, means and time to travel I did during the Summer months to an extent. I submersed myself in Gay Culture. So I went to the heart of it all to find instead of going for anymore maybes, hits and misses, and the like.

 

Even then it took a bit but eventually I found my group. My group is late 20s to mid 40s (some older but not regulars where we meet) but regardless I found my spot. The professionals, the serious ones, those who have no youthful urges to impress everyone, not as many in for sexual conquests every weekend, most in my acquaintance and friend group are either in relationships or have a monogamous relationship in mind for the future.

 

I think once you're able to relocate yourself, interact and travel on an independent individualized level you'll find the perfect niche you're looking for. Another point is like I say over and over, demographics and all that statistical gooble (sorry, my vocabulary couldn't come up with anything more intelligent at the moment). Certain areas from my travel have a higher percentage of professional serious relationship oriented queers whereas other areas have a poor score in my mind for those traits. Those areas are mostly occupied by the late teens early twenties where the motto is, "Sex, Drugs and Alcohol Everyone. We've got life to live before we "die" [become desired productive individuals of society]"

[FoxLocke]

KIDD, you are dealing with self esteem issues right now. Just relax and take a deep breath, because you may need it. Just think about WHY you want to, possibly, pursue a relationship with this person. Are you really sexually bicurious or are you just doing this because the reality of being your true self hurts so much right now?

 

I ask this moreso for the lady you are considering being with than yourself...Yes, some people genuinely have feelings for the same sex and can love both...However, you are heading for a fall and you might be taking someone else along for the ride if your feelings are merely out of curiosity. I've seen it happen so much with gay men(and lesbians)who embark upon straight relationships...It usually always ends up in disaster. Again, some people are wired differently and can love anyone completely...whereas others have a strict orientation.

 

Emotional and sexual attraction are two different things. If you are emotionally and sexually attracted to the person then go with it. But emotional attraction without the sexual component = A Really good friend...A healthy sex life is important to an intimate relationship, that is just reality.

 

 

Anyway, just go where your heart leads you. If you do pursue this be HONEST. She has a right to know that you are gay or bisexual and do have feelings for the same sex...Allow her to make her own decisions...

 

I know I find many, many, girls attractive...However, I know it couldn't work in the long run because I'm gay. So, as it is, I stopped wishing to be straight and am trying to have the most positive gay life as possible.

 

Right now I think you might need to work on KIDD instead of pursuing ANY relationship. You might be acting alot out of desperation right now because life seems so tough. Don't do this just to fit in with everyone else...

I met a few jerk off guys out there. Heck, women meet them every day of the week. However, I know there are good ones out there; and I'll find the one for me. Give it some time and calm down. I've been through the bicurious thing before(when I was dating girls)and it can be confusing.

Take time out and assess the situation.

 

If you fall in love, great. But learn to love you first. Because you are worth it.

 

Edit: I just read Jinx's post and I agree with every word. We all have those "What it..." moments. I've had them very recently too.

Sometimes I think, "Hmmm, could I lead a straight life?" As I said before, I see women that I think are VERY attractive...Then I think about the sex part and it registers nothing in me.

Trust me, it is hard finding that RIGHT person...however, we eventually all do.

 

Blessed Be.

[KIDD]

I finally came to my senses after reading these posts. Sorry to get back so late, I've been busy just trying to get myself together. I need to focus on myself because I'd end up using her. I actually sat down & thought about why I wanted to pursue her, it's the fact that I want someone in my life so badly to love me. Which brings me to another issue, how can anyone love me if I don't love myself? I really hate everything about me right now, from the way I look all the way to my personality. I'm pretty sure I'm gay but I think I'm confusing genuine caring feelings for something else & I got carried away.It's weird, she's like the perfect girl for me if I was straight. Very intelligent,caring & beautiful. I just wish I could find that in a man. Every gay man in my area that I came into contact with just came accross as shallow & they just wanted me for my body. So I've grown tired of men in a way because I can't seem to find an intelligent good man.

 

I realise that I have to put myself first & I shouldn't have to look for love.I'm not stable right now for a relationship & I'm so glad everyone here helped me come to a conclusion. I'm afraid that I've led her on & she flirts with me alot. She even asked me if I wanted to hang out & go skating with her sometime. I'm just scared that I'll hurt her but it will feel weird to turn her down. I don't want her to get her hopes up.She's really cool & I may have made my first new friend hopefully. Since my other friends just literally grew away from me.

 

I'm alone & I guess vunerable too & when I'm like this, I do stupid irrational stuff without thinking of the consequences. I've done it before earlier this year & I'm just lucky that I didn't get hurt or killed because of my stupidity.I'm very insecure & needy, I always need someone. I have to learn to be strong & independent. How exactly do you start loving yourself for who you are?

[dangerouslyinlove]

wow, we are in the same boat..message me or something