Dating a guy 18 years older?

[Riley99]

I'm 26, met a guy who is 18 years older than me through mutual friends. We've seen each other a few times, e-mailed, and are really attracted to each other. He seems like a really great guy, sophisticated, nice, intelligent and pretty established. I definitely feel an attraction and chemistry but dont know if I should even entertain the thought. My friend's dad is also 18 years older than her mom, and she said not to do it, because while it can be okay now, it is difficult when you are ready to retire and your husband is sick in bed at home and doesnt want to do anything. I would just "date" to "date" this guy but I fall in love so easily. So I'd rather just end things before they begin if I don't want to end up with him. Please help! What should I do?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Personally, I can't picture being attracted to a man 18 years older than me, unless he was in very good shape and had taken extremely good care of himself, and had the same amount of divorces and children that I do, which is none.

 

But this isn't me we're talking about this is you. If you are attracted to the guy and want to date him, I'm not sure there is any good reason you shouldn't. If you do date him, you may find that you are a great match, or also, you might find that it's not a match, which could happen with someone of any age.

 

Also about your friend's parents. I know a woman married to a man several years younger. But he is laid up sick all the time, and thinks going around the block is going for a walk, whereas both her and I don't feel we've even begun to excercise till we've done a few to several miles. She always says, he's the younger one, but in so many ways he's so much older.

 

It's all a very individual thing. So go with what makes sense to you, and don't put too much stock in others opinions.

[ScreenagerX]

From another perspective, I very nearly started seeing a girl 12 years my junior but called it off before anything even got established because I felt to uncomfortable about it.

[annie24]

i think it comes down to what you feel comfortable with. your friend's mom has a point - if things go well, you could wind up being his nurse one day.

 

but there is a lot of time until that happens. my godparents are almost 80, and they are very active, they go hiking, are very healthy people, they are not slowing down one bit!

 

and like teddy said, some people may be lazy couch potatos and act 90 when they are really 30.

 

if you like the guy, why not give things a shot?

 

good luck

[Daddy Bear]

if the two of you really hit it off, then i would say go for it. by the time you're ready for retirement in 40 years or so, you'll either:

 

a) not be with him any more (probably the most likely scenario)

 

b) love him enough to want to take care of him when his health fails

 

c) not love him that much, in which case you can bail.

[RayKay]

I'm 26, met a guy who is 18 years older than me through mutual friends. We've seen each other a few times, e-mailed, and are really attracted to each other. He seems like a really great guy, sophisticated, nice, intelligent and pretty established. I definitely feel an attraction and chemistry but dont know if I should even entertain the thought. My friend's dad is also 18 years older than her mom, and she said not to do it, because while it can be okay now, it is difficult when you are ready to retire and your husband is sick in bed at home and doesnt want to do anything. I would just "date" to "date" this guy but I fall in love so easily. So I'd rather just end things before they begin if I don't want to end up with him. Please help! What should I do?

 

Or there is the chance YOU get seriously ill in ten years and HE is the one whom is taking care of you....you never know as there are no guarantees when it comes to that. I have seen that happen a few times in my own family anyway. Chances are in my own relationship (which is not an "age gap" deal though) I will be the one facing serious health risks (cancer) in 10 or 20 years, while he will plug along to a ripe old age quite healthily like the rest of his family does! I take very good care of myself however even so, you can't take away every risk or chance.

 

I also know plenty of older men and women whom are healthier, fitter and more active than their much younger counterparts.

 

Anyway, this is a really "you have to do what is right for you" scenario - you are both adults and it really is about what YOU feel.

[hardcharger]

it'll look stupid someday, neh

[nmduipd]

My dad was 16 years older than my mum and they eventually got divorced.

 

He was really cool guy when they met, young at heart and all that, but by the time I was in high school, my dad had more in common with my granny than with my mom!

 

At the end of the day, you are two different generations and that will become more and more obvious.

 

I'm sure though that there are age gap relationships that can survive, but there are very few of them.

 

Having said all that, you are the only person who knows what's right for you.

Good luck with whatever you decide