Opinions- How Long Until You're Emotionally Drained In This Situation?

[mike440]

I had a relationship with a woman for about 6 months. We had been friends for some time before this, so I thought we would be good together. The problem was that once we started dating, she wanted me there anytime I wasn't at work. I would usually stay over once or twice a week, but was there every evening and weekend. Once when I had to leave on a Saturday morning to cut the grass and do laundry, she told me I was just looking for an excuse to leave. I cut her grass once because we were getting ready to go out and it needed done. She didn't say anything at the time or act unappreciative, but later she thought that since I didn't do it right, it meant I didn't care about her. Apparently I was supposed to cut it three times to get the stuff that I didn't get the first times around. She would obsess about where the relationship stood- she was ready to move in after a month. I told her I had a lot to get used to- going from living alone to living with her and her three little dogs and four cats....not what she wanted to hear, but it was only a few months into the relationship. A big issue was one dog like to go to the bathroom in the house- I tried to get her to do something to train him, but she just said that the breed is difficult or impossible to train, so occasionally there would be poop or pee in the living room, kitchen, etc. It seems that she was always scared of breaking up- I tried to comfort her by saying that I don't NEED to be here, I WANT to be here, but she said 'that means you could leave at any time'. When I finally told her that I needed a couple evening a week alone, she said I was just preparing her for a breakup....I couldn't make sense of a lot she would say or think. There were numerous other guilt trips and issues, but she was so sweet and loving that it was hard to get mad at her. I started to feel drained, and possibly depressed from (I assume) the steady need for reassurance that I loved and cared about her (she said I love you about a week or two into the relationship). One reason I'm asking is that a mutual friend told me that her new guy (who she met over the internet within a week of our breakup, and I dated her within days of her breakup with her previous BF) that she's been dating about 6 months said he'd move in as soon as he gets his place ready for sale. Now that is done and he's saying he's not ready to leave his friends (this is about a 45 minute drive away)....I don't know if he's also getting emotionally drained and making excuses, or if he'll eventually do it, but it made me wonder that if he's ready to do this, do I get drained quicker than most people out there would in this situation? How long would you give yourself to get drained?

[sidehop]

Hi Mike,

 

Wow, she does sound VERY co-dependent to a point it's not healthy. Unless of course that's what you're wanting which obivously isn't. Being too clingy and feeling smothered, that could be a quick turn off. Honestly six months is a long time so I'm sure you probably liked it at first but her wanting to move quickly and sometimes being pressured to be with her scared you away.

 

She sounds very insecure also. You don't need a person like that. Every healthy relationship has a decent amount of space to miss each other and sometimes being alone. You shouldn't feel like you have to reassure the person far beyond of the relationship to explain constantly nothing 'bad will happen'.

[AngelEyez]

She sounds a lot like me. My boyfriend and I almost broke up this weekend because of it. I've been giving him space though, which is most important. I've also been taking anti-depressants, yet I still think he doesn't care as much as he used to. So many insecurities...