Despite everything, why am I still convinced that he is the one?

[aurélia shine]

Five years ago, in Italy, I developed feelings for a guy. I couldn't make sense of my "choice" of guy; he was two years younger, a complete kid and couldn't speak a word of English. As a result we never exchanged more than a few words. But one day, quite unexpectedly, he looked at me, his eyes burning intensely and I felt a pulling sensation in my stomach that made me light-headed. I have never, before or after this event, felt anything like it.

 

We kissed one night but the next morning he apologised and backed off. I left the country with no idea that I would ever see him again, but unable to forget him. I wrote to him as soon as I got home, but received no reply. The years passed, and every time I would go to certain places which reminded me of him, I would wish him well in his life and hope that he was ok.

 

Then I moved to Italy, and though I'd had relationships in the interim, I still thought of him (but it was more through curiosity by now). I wrote to him and received a reply, and as soon as I saw his handwriting, all the feelings that I had once felt for him re-awoke. When we finally spoke on the phone, we just kept laughing and I can't begin to describe how happy I was. He said he was really happy that I had got back in touch, and would I like to see a ballet with him (I had included in my letter that I was a bit of a fan). We went out, once, twice, and by the fourth meeting, feelings were declared and five years on, we were kissing again.

 

We spent five months as couple. We are very different people and as it showed more and more, he began to detach. Last week put an end to the relationship, exactly one week before I am due to return home. His reasons were numerous: not ready to commit as seriously as me, not willing to change his lifestyle for me, his feelings for me were changing, etc. I agreed to the separation and left him alone. It's strange: I don't feel crushed, I can still smile, but even now and then I feel a long, slow sadness that makes me want to curl up in bed all day.

 

And still, I can't shake the idea that our story is not over. Our breakup was so quiet, so calm that it makes me think that it was more a pause. And it's not a question of being prepared to wait another five years for him to reinitiate things - no matter how hard I try, I feel like this man is the one and it was no accident that our paths crossed again.

 

Please, bring some sense and reason to my messed-up head!!

[Anna.]

I don't think you're messed up. I think you already hit the nail on the head.

[Batya33]

I think you might be confusing head over heels/infatuation/romance for long term compatibility.

[Yvette84]

aww....that was So romantic! Anyways, um......I agree w/Batya, it may just be infatuation. But if you mentioned him saying his feelings for you changed....well that right there is pretty much a red flag! the other reasons can be worked through, but once feelings change...that's it. I don't know what else to tell you, I guess just talk to him about it but don't force him or sound desperate, just tell him how you've always felt and find out his TRUE feelings. That will determine the ending.

[Batya33]

I know of several marriages and relationships - happy and healthy ones - where feelings changed - and then changed back - fascinating what time and space can do . . .

[Ms. Babydoll]

I don't think you're messed up. I think you already hit the nail on the head.

 

can't agree more

[Privately Playful]

I can see why and how you'd feel this way but I think you might be in a state of denial as well as lost in the romance of it all.

 

Keep living your life, don't put anything on hold waiting because you are worth more in your life than he is -- no matter what happens. Even if it all comes together, you are still the important person in your life, otherwise we can't really give our total selves to another.