I am upset - my gf just told me her ex gave her HPV

[chao12345]

I have been with gf for about 8 months now. We have, on and off, had rows because of a certain ex that she will not cut off contact with. This guy is bad news, basicalyl had her pay for his college and then left her, among other things. Yet she still keeps in contact with him because she keeps in contact with all her ex's. Usualyl not such a big deal, but when someone betrays you like that I see no need to continue with them. Compounding this, she'll go on about how much she 'hates' him, but will still call to see how he is doing.

 

OK, so a few days ago, she tells me that she has HPV, and that she got it from the ex that I have mentioned here. She knows this because she allegedly went for STD tests annually since college (she works in a health field and it is required at her employer, I guess) and that it did not show up until she was with him. I was FURIOUS. I felt that I had a right to know this going in, am I correct there? I am doing research online to learn all that I can about it, but the fact that she may have transmitted this to me has me thinking of ending it with her. Any ideas?

[socks1w]

Did she know she had it before she had sex with you?

[chao12345]

Yes. That is why I am fuming. She was with him for about 5 years, and that relationship ended 2 1/2 years before we met. thereforeeee, she knew about 6 1/2 years ago.

[AdriSnow]

Dump her . I dated this guy for 8 months to. Then he wants to tell me he has herpes. I scared I might have it as well. I can't find any clinic under 85 buxks to get tested either. I am still stuck on my ex even after he told me that. We tried to keep the relationship then he dumped me so My idea is. Dump her before it get turned around. If she keeps calling you , missin you after you get tested decide if she is worth getting a disease!!! My answer is she is Not

[Tigris]

Go and see your doctor and get tests for it.

 

Have you slept withe anyone when you were broken up?

[chao12345]

Dump her * * *. I dated this guy for 8 months to. Then he wants to tell me he has herpes. I scared I might have it as well. I can't find any clinic under 85 buxks to get tested either. I am still stuck on my ex even after he told me that. We tried to keep the relationship then he dumped me so My idea is. Dump her before it get turned around. If she keeps calling you , missin you after you get tested decide if she is worth getting a disease!!! My answer is she is Not

 

1). I am very sorry for what happenned to you. I sincerely hop that you do not have it. I will keep my fingers crossed for you, you do the same for me, ok?

 

2). That's what I am thinking too - leaning very strong toward dump her.

[socks1w]

Yeah,I would break it off with her.

 

I dont know how someone could sleep at night knowing they gave someone a disease.

 

I wish you luck.

[rose2summer]

Welcome to ENA!

 

Wow, that must have been difficult news to hear!

 

The problem here is that there are no FDA approved tests to check males, so there is a high prevalence of the disease spreading. Read below in the section I posted for you about testing.

 

She did not know that she had contracted it, so the fact that she told you I think is very honorable.

 

You can continue staying with her if you choose to, but definitely use condoms to prevent the spread. Some researchers believe though that it can still be spread through condoms, a small percentage, so that's a risk you need to contemplate.

 

It's a difficult decision, but one you must make, however, I did provide a great deal of info below to help you with your decision.

 

Good Luck!

 

Rosie

 

HPV infections are believed to be the most common of all sexually transmitted diseases (STDs); most sexually active persons get at least one HPV infection, usually without ever knowing it. At any time, somewhere around 20 million to 40 million Americans are infected with sexually transmitted types of HPV, and the frequency of infection and disease appears to be increasing.

 

How is HPV transmitted?

Genital HPV infection is spread through sexual contact—primarily vaginal, anal, and oral intercourse. It is possible, though less likely, for the virus to be transmitted by sexual contact without intercourse.

 

How is HPV transmitted?

Genital HPV infection is spread through sexual contact—primarily vaginal, anal, and oral intercourse. It is possible, though less likely, for the virus to be transmitted by sexual contact without intercourse

 

How is HPV infection treated?

Genital warts can be removed in a number of ways:

With chemicals,

By freezing,

By electrically being burned off, or

Via surgery or lasers.

For most people, this treatment will clear the warts. If your warts return repeatedly, the doctor may try injecting them with the drug interferon. Although treatment clears the symptoms, the virus remains in your body.

Are men screened for HPV infection?

Men are not routinely screened for HPV infection unless they fall into a high-risk category. The current commercially available tests – the Pap smear and DNA HPV tests – are not approved for testing samples from males. However, some specialty labs have validated DNA tests for analyzing anal swabs from males.

 

What are the symptoms of HPV infection?

Most HPV infections cause no symptoms at all. However, some infections cause warts of the genital or anal areas and others cause cancer or pre-cancerous changes.

 

Genital Warts

 

Genital warts range from cauliflower-like growths that are easily seen to smooth bumps or flat, almost invisible growths. Some warts are hard and rough and others soft and fleshy. They are painless, but may bleed easily or itch. Warts usually remain small (less than a quarter inch in size), but very large warts (sometimes an inch or more accross) sometimes occur if warts are not treated when small. Warts are most common at sites of friction or rubbing during sex. thereforeeee, the most common sites in women are on the labia minor or around the vaginal opening. In men, the head or shaft of the penis is most commonly involved. However, warts commonly are seen in other areas, such as the anus, scrotum, or labia major. Anal warts are most common in gay men, but also occur frequently in both women and heterosexual men. Warts usually appear a few weeks up to 3 months after catching HPV, but sometimes warts may first appear many months or even a few years after catching the virus. thereforeeee, the appearance of warts doesn't always mean recent sex with an infected partner.

 

Cancer and Related Problems

 

The types of HPV that cause cancer and pre-cancerous changes are called "high risk" types. Most infections with high-risk HPV types do not lead to cancer; the immune system is able to remove the virus before it causes problems. When it does occur, cancer takes time to develop. First HPV causes abnormal cells to grow. It usually takes 5 years to 10 years, or even more, for cancer to develop. This is why Pap smears are so important for women; a Pap smear can detect these abnormal cell changes so that they can be treated before they lead to cancer. At this stage, the disease is easily cured by minor surgery to remove the abnormal cells. thereforeeee, a woman who gets regular Pap smears every one to three years is almost 100% protected from getting cervical cancer. Research is going on to learn whether Pap smears of the anus might help protect men who have sex with men from developing anal cancer. Other cancers due to HPV (cancer of the penis in men or vulva in women) are extremely rare and usually show up first as a wart-like growths.

[chao12345]

Go and see your doctor and get tests for it.

 

Have you slept withe anyone when you were broken up?

 

We are not broken up - yet. No, there's been no one else since I started the relationship with her.

[rose2summer]

Wait, she knew before you met that she had contracted it?

 

Then I say leave her, for lying to you and risking your health.

 

That is morally and ethically wrong of her!

[candy604]

You have a right to know the person your dating has hiv, or std's etc..b/c it's your health. People are even charged with spreading hiv to others b/c they didn't tell them. Gosh I hope you don't have hpv! I'd dump her though that's totally horrible b/c it'll affect you if you have it and if u don't even know you had it, you could be passsing it along too without knowing to other people ( later on in life).

[chao12345]

Thanks rose and socks! Leaning toward breaking it off - I mean, how can you still be in contact with a guy who lived off you for college, cheated on you and gave you a disease? Yet she does it. Well, maybe it's time they got back together and I go have my own life.

[rose2summer]

Go to planned parenthood and see if they do testing on males.

 

Some clinics provide more testing than others.

 

Their services are free too if you don't have health insurance.

 

Planned Parenthood Federation of AmericaInformation and resources covering sexual and reproductive health topics. Research on sexual health problems and directory of health centers in the US.

link removed

[chao12345]

You have a right to know the person your dating has hiv, or std's etc..b/c it's your health. People are even charged with spreading hiv to others b/c they didn't tell them. Gosh I hope you don't have hpv! I'd dump her though that's totally horrible b/c it'll affect you if you have it and if u don't even know you had it, you could be passsing it along too without knowing to other people ( later on in life).

 

 

Isn't it amazing? I still can't believe it. Blows my mind. Really wish I had known this before.

[ImThatGirl]

That's against the law! Couldn't she be in serious trouble?

[rose2summer]

I am really really sorry to hear that chao,

 

She obviously does not love you if she was willing to risk your health and well-being,

 

Get tested and move on with your life,

 

You don't want to be with a person who denies you happiness and health.

[AdriSnow]

I know just what your going through except I am already dumped. A problem I ran into was. Once I knew he had it and he had already had sex. Might as well continue the relationship right???? Well, Now You might have some nasty disease You tend to think you are going to be with that person for a long time because who is going to want you with a disease... And you feel very attachted because of this ok.. BUT, for you do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who lied to you over something that may efect the rest of your life???

And Just a statment why do you want to be with a person who isn't all about you !!! WHy not get a woman that loves you and is crazy about ONLY YOU ???

[chao12345]

Not sure about the serious trouble with the law, but even if I decide against breaking up with her, right now, sh e definitely will not be going any further wit hme - engagement, marriage, etc. Not solely because of the hpv, but for not telling me.

[rose2summer]

You would probably have to prove that the infected person knew they had it and intentionally transmitted it.

 

You may be able to win something in civil court, but I doubt you would have a case in criminal court.

 

How could you ever prove that she did it intentionally?

 

It's too hard to prove beyond a reasonable doubt when it's not a life-threatening STD like HIV/AIDS.

 

It's completely not fair for chao and this woman is immoral.

[chao12345]

I know just what your going through except I am already dumped. A problem I ran into was. Once I knew he had it and he had already had sex. Might as well continue the relationship right???? Well, Now You might have some nasty disease You tend to think you are going to be with that person for a long time because who is going to want you with a disease... And you feel very attachted because of this ok.. BUT, for you do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who lied to you over something that may efect the rest of your life???

And Just a statment why do you want to be with a person who isn't all about you !!! WHy not get a woman that loves you and is crazy about ONLY YOU ???

 

 

You are totally right. This is not a "I forgot to buy milk" sort of omission. This is a disease. Fro mwhat I have seen online, it is not life-threatening in men, my you-kn0w-what will not fall off, etc, but still - I had every right to know.

 

As to your statement - right again! To fully vest yourself in one relationship, ,you need to have the others in the past. Not saying that an ex cannot be a tertiary part of your life, acquaintance, etc, but there's definitely something pathological that binds here.

[chao12345]

It's completely not fair for chao and this woman is immoral.

 

Thanks. And to think, jsut this week I heard from my old place that they have some empty apartments. I may just move back there.

[rose2summer]

Worrying about STD's is terrifying chao,

 

I completely understand how you feel,

 

My ex used to sleep with prostitutes,

 

Wouldn't allow me to see his STD testing results (and he's a doctor, go figure!),

 

And he convinced me to have unprotected sex with him quite a few times,

 

I am waiting so I can go get tested,

 

Allow a long enough window of time,

 

But it's terrifying! I can definitely understand how you feel.

[ImThatGirl]

You would probably have to prove that the infected person knew they had it and intentionally transmitted it.

 

You may be able to win something in civil court, but I doubt you would have a case in criminal court.

 

How could you ever prove that she did it intentionally?

 

It's too hard to prove beyond a reasonable doubt when it's not a life-threatening STD like HIV/AIDS.

 

It's completely not fair for chao and this woman is immoral.

 

She surely was tested for it at some point if she is certain she has it. There was a case a few months back where a woman that new she had AIDS continued sleeping with men. I believe she got prison time.

 

Not to say that this girl needs to have criminal consequences but really Chao - You did not deserve this and I think it was criminal for her to allow it. You may have to live with this and explain it the rest of your life all because she was too selfish to be honest with you.

 

Hugs and prayers --- Time to go home for the day!

[chao12345]

Thanks Imthatgirl - you're right.

 

As I read all the replies I am thinking more and more that staying together is not an option, I need to get out of there and get my own place and life back.

[rose2summer]

ITG,

 

I think her behavior is criminal in character,

 

I completely agree!

 

What she did is completely wrong,

 

And unfair to chao.