I am on a very short rope

[tiger_lily57]

I really hate my life, I am trapped and I do not know how to free myself.

 

I am a care provider, I live with my client, and she has dementia and Alzheimer's.

She is naturally mean, nasty, cantankerous, liar and a few that would get bleep out. This was her reputation before the illnesses took hold and now it is at least 15% worse.

 

I have no family support, except by phone once a night and sometimes that is worse, because they upset her and I have to deal with the aftermath....

 

She does not understand me having a day off. The other caregivers that relieve me will not listen to what I have to say in order for it to go smoothly, when I come back after having a few hours off, I pay for them with the verbal abuse from this woman…

 

The caseworker that she has is upset because they had her in the nursing home and the daughter got her out with my help… So she won't help me, she is very short and yells at me if I need clarification on anything.

 

I feel like I am in a desert and I found the only quicksand in the whole desert and I am sinking.

[Anna.]

Can you get a new job? Cause this one sounds like it's not really worth it.

[maasikus]

Why don't you quit? You are obviously feeling miserable...why not leave the place for your inner peace?

 

Maasikus

[annie24]

I agree, I think you should get a new job. this sounds like hell, I don't think you should stay - you sound very unhappy! find a new job ASAP and give your notice to leave this job.

[tiger_lily57]

I have no family living I am competely alone, I can't look for another job without having a place to stay and a phone number......

[tiger_lily57]

Even as mean as this lady is if I quit she will end up in a nursing home and she 89yrs and she has become very attach to me. I inturn am becoming more and more, unhappy, sad,

[maasikus]

Tiger,

 

As people age, they get more irritated. They make a big deal out of little things, but then, they are just like little kids.

 

But to take care of someone like that, you need a lot of patience and perseverance. Usually family is the only one that can put up with it, or someone who has dealt with similar situations and is *used to* all this.

 

You have no obligation to serve the lady if you are so miserable in the process. Her family will find someone who can deal with her, and do it happily too. Don't get sucked up in guilt.

 

As for getting another job, check the local listings for jobs that match your qualifications and interest you. Give it a shot, and I am sure you will find something soon.

 

Good luck,

Maasikus

[tiger_lily57]

It took her daughter three months to find me and I was the only one who applied for the job… When I went to apply for this job, two employment counselors told me that she had a mean reputation, but in the same breath I needed a job real bad. They even had a pool on how long I would last. Most gave me till Christmas of last year. But now I am tired I have been doing this for a year Sept. 24 I asked her daughter for 3day vacation and her first words were I don't know if I can handle her for that long... She always brings her daughters to help her when she comes.

[annie24]

well, I think you should start saving up your money, so you can have a fund to live off of for a few months while you are finding a new job and a new place to live.

[maasikus]

It took her daughter three months to find me and I was the only one who applied for the job… When I went to apply for this job, two employment counselors told me that she had a mean reputation, but in the same breath I needed a job real bad. They even had a pool on how long I would last. Most gave me till Christmas of last year. But now I am tired I have been doing this for a year Sept. 24 I asked her daughter for 3day vacation and her first words were I don't know if I can handle her for that long... She always brings her daughters to help her when she comes.

 

Tiger-

 

From my observation of your posts, I see a pattern. You are more concerned about how the lady will manage and how the daughter will survive without your help. That is commendable. But if you keep continuing to feel for them, your feelings will be of no value anymore. Please find something that will make you happy and help in your growth. This situation could only lead to more frustration.

 

Maasikus

[tiger_lily57]

To get some advice and to vent and to talk to actually people, to see if I am a bad person to feel the way I do....

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I did care giver work in the past too. I had one lady who was really nice and cool. But down the road I had one lady who was very unreasonable like yours. (part illness, part personality, I'm sure). I finally quit. I know all about how you feel responsible for their well being, and of course you want to make sure she will have some care...but you just can't deal with it forever, your life belongs to YOU. You must first take care of yourself, because the truth is no one else will do this for you. I say you should get her back into that home, and if you like, you can go visit her once a week.

[doyathink]

You really do need to find your own happiness. This is bringing you down and you wont be any good to yourself if this takes you over!

[tiger_lily57]

We only have one home where we live and they WILL NOT take her back, she wanted to go for visits and they ABSOLUTELY NOT........

[tiger_lily57]

No one wants her, she is that mean and nasty, I have seen her nice side on very rare occasions.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Tell her daughter to put an ad out for another caregiver. Encourage her to take what she can get. Give her a date that you expect to be your last day of work. If no one has been hired by that date, then the lady's daughter will have to figure out how she's going to resolve that, without your help.

 

The only way you are going to get out of this situation is if you take yourself out of it.