Extremely Confused...Please Help

[Tricia23]

I'll try to make my story as short as possible:

 

I started dating E in 2002. Things were great for about the first 2 years. After then it started going downhill. So I said for us to separate for a while. During that seperation I met someone else and started seeing this person. We never became boyfriend/girlfriend, just saw each other alot. E found out about it and got extremely upset. We broke up for a while, but eventually worked things out and got back together. The next year went great, but then again in June things weren't the best, so we separated again. (I know that wasn't right, but we needed to see if we could make it work) I never had any intention to see other guys at all, but during that seperation, I had lost feelings for him for about 2 weeks or so. I wasn't sure if they were going to come back, but in time they certainly did. We didn't really talk as much as we did while we were together, nor did we hang out alot, or do any of the things we did while we were dating. I mean the feelings were still there and we acted like a couple everytime we were around each other.

 

But this past month, E told me that he had lost feelings for me because of this seperation, and he wanted to end it with me. After a few times of asking him to give it another try, he agreed to try and be friends to see what could come out of it. It hurts me like crazy to think we have to start from friends. Everytime I see him, I cry because I love him and I want to be with him more than anything. I know I should just try and be myself, but after 4 years of dating I can't just see him as friends. When we do see each other, we act like a couple, hold hands kiss, share intimacy etc.... I don't get it. Then when I talk to him about my feelings, he always tells me the same thing "Let's just see what happens, It's 50/50. It could either turn out good or it can turn out bad. He says he always has feelings, but not like the way he did. He also says it has nothing to do with me, its just him. He's very confused right now and he isn't sure what he wants to do so thats why he needs the space.

 

He doesn't want a relationship with me or any other girl. He isn't interested in other girls in anyway he tells me. I want to see what happens, because we have been together for so long, but today when I talked to him I called if off completely. I didn't want to do that, and I'm sure ill call him to tell him we can be friends, but I need some advice. Please if anybody can help. What should I do? Should I stick around to see if there is a possibility, or should I just let it go?? I don't want to let it go.........Please Help!!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

What concerns me is the fact that at various times, one of you is always losing feelings for the other, hence a separation. Is it possible he never quite got over the fact that you were seeing someone else during your first separation? Did you kiss/make out with that guy? Is it possible this has been running through your ex's head all this time?

 

If he is confused about his feelings for you, kissing, holding hands and being Friends with benefits is not going to help you. You need to have no contact or limited contact with him.

[Tricia23]

Well he was the one that said it is ok to do that with each other other, and I know its not right, but I don't mind it....What is the reason he is ok with that? He says its not about having sex at all, because he has never pushed me to do that. It happens when we get intimate....He is the one that calls me everyday just to say hi etc..... I'm just a confused mess and I don't know what is the right thing to do

[Tricia23]

I never lost feelings for him for either seperations. But during the second time, I did just for a small amount of time. But those feelings came right back to me, so that told me he was the one.

[need2bme]

Tricia: The exact same thing happened with my ex; at least the part of being intimate when we are together, but she just wants to be friends. I agree that I don't know how she expects me to do that, when we were together for so long.

 

Right now, all I do is attempt to work, but sadly get nothing done, then go home and watch tv.

 

I have been telling myself that I will take some dance lessons, music lessons and so forth, to get my mind off of her and to get to know other people. I figure that going to those types of classes would be fun and allow me to meet people with similar interests.

 

But, ....I really don't know how to keep from thinking about her. I get sad sometimes for no reason. I am also in a new state for a new job, alone. So, that might have something to do with it.

 

As for you, what do you want? You have to decide what you want. I am a chicken-bleep, so I am afraid to tell my ex to leave me alone. I am just not calling her right now. I hope you can find the strength.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

He says he wants to be just friends. Just friends means no kissing and cuddling. Lots of men (and women) break up with their partner and say "lets be friends" but continue kissing, cuddling etc. out of habit and because it feels good, not because they are still madly in love with their partner. When this "friends with benefits" situation happens, it spells trouble for the person who is still in love and wants the relationship because it is tied in with the emotions. If the partner who has lost interest, just wants physical gratification (even if it is just kissing and cuddling), it is dead end and you could end up getting hurt if he ends up falling for someone else while you two are still having physical interactions.

[Tricia23]

I see what you are saying, but before we decided on being "friends" and see where things go, I told him that if we are kissing, hugging, holding hands etc... I don't want to keep doing those things with him, if he is doing them with someone else. And he re-assured me multiple times that he isn't interested in other females. We are basically trying to work on us, to see if we can save this relationship, but taking it a step at a time. I'm going to be me and he is going to be himself. If love is really there, then it will bring us through it.

 

He still acts like we are together and I know that it hurts me too, but I'm doing everything in my power to try to fix this. I really don't want to let him go. I was in his shoes about 2 months ago. I was confused, I wasn't sure if he was the one I wanted to be with. I lost feelings for him for a while too. But I don't know what it was, but they came back for him. So I'm hoping he does the same.

 

We've talked about so much with each other as far as a future and its amazing all the things we shared. So im hoping he sees what we had and he will want to try and fix that. I know its not looking good so far, but if he still wants to see what can happen. That has to mean something right??

 

 

Well ill just keep saying my prayers, and hope for the right answers for him and myself....

 

Thank you all....