am i in the wrong?

[lilgothicdevil5533]

ok so i was talking on my cell phone in the family room. my mom calls my room phone asking for help carying stuff in. i dont hear my phone ring because im UPSTAIRS in the family room. so my mom carries the stuff in and starts yelling at me and being a witch. i get off my cell phone and she says "i had to carry the ****en stuff in myself and you didnt help! you let me down as usual!!!!!!!!". so then i got a major attitude with her saying "its not my fault i wasent in my room! im sorry that i was talking on the phone. how dare i talk to my friends. i mean, what an outragous idea!"

 

am i suppose to apologize because i wasent in my room waiting for a call i didnt know was coming?

 

i mean i guess i should apoligze for the attitude but then again shes the one who got witchy with me first.

[Meow18]

Well obviously you couldn't help the fact that you didn't hear your phone ring. And your mom could have been more understanding.

 

I think you could still apologize though. Just say something like "I'm sorry I didn't help you carry stuff in mom, next time you should come in and get me just in case I don't hear you call."

 

I mean, I don't think you are in the wrong, but it will just show that you really do care about helping your mom..

[togaduff]

Two wrongs don't make a right. By simply apologizing that you were unaware that she needed help and asking her if there was anything you could do to help her further, you would have not only kept your blood pressure down, but made her feel like a real ***** for acting like a crazed lunatic!!! You win both ways when you "kill them with kindness"! Try it sometime, you will laugh so hard to yourself when her mouth drops open because she isn't expecting it at all!! I promise!!!

[lilgothicdevil5533]

the thing is, i did apoligze sincerely. until she said "you let me down....as usual!" and that just *issed me off. she has never said that to my brother who had 3 dwi's and went to jail on the fourth. she never said that to my sister who is always a crabby *** and went to jail when she was younger. and i have never let her down like they have.

[Meow18]

How is your relationship with your mom?

 

I think you need to have a talk with her. Allow time for both of you to cool down because obviously you both got upset. Explain to her that you really are sorry, but that you are hurt by what she said.

[BrokenWingedFaery]

I can understand how that would upset you, but it is easier to just shut up and take it (my mother pulls crap like this thrice daily, so I get it) and she'll run out of breath/anger eventually.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

our relationship is pretty good i guess. i mean, we have our argument, most of which are "my fault" so i apologize even tho i dont think it is my fault. i dont do "good enough" in school, like i'll try really really hard in math and science and still get a low B, high C, but not good enough. i dont wear the clothes she wants me to wear, i dont listen to the music she wants me to. we get along pretty good most of the time tho.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

I can understand how that would upset you, but it is easier to just shut up and take it QUOTE]

 

i dont have the capability to "just shut up and take it" yet..i mean im trying but im not there.

[Meow18]

I remember being your age and having pointless arguments with my parents. I think that it's something that most, if not all, teenagers go through at some point in their life.

 

You just have to understand that your mom is probably just stressed a lot of the time and of course it's not right, but she just lets it out through arguments.

 

But of course, 16 is not exactly the most pleasant age either and you have a lot of stress on you as well.

 

I really think that you and your mom should talk. You should both try to understand each other and where each other is coming from. I think that alone will help strengthen your relationship and the situation.

[Hope75]

I think I would have said something like this:

 

"Mom, I'm sorry that I didn't hear you calling me. I was on the phone at the time you called up. I would have definitely helped if I heard you. It really hurts me that you think I am a disappointment, though. Can we talk about it?"

 

Chances are she is tired and angry about something else, and yes, should shouldn't have cursed at you and yelled.... but you didn't really help the situation either by yelling back at her and giving her an attitude.

 

If you had approached her as above, I wonder if the outcome would have been different? Less explosive? What do you think?

[lilgothicdevil5533]

i tried talking to her about that stuff once, and this is the respons i got "what stress? you dont have stress. you dont need to pay bills yet, or work, or try to support your brother and sisters." so after that i basically stoped trying to have an actual convorsation like that. we dont have deep convos.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

I think I would have said something like this:

 

"Mom, I'm sorry that I didn't hear you calling me. I was on the phone at the time you called up. I would have definitely helped if I heard you. It really hurts me that you think I am a disappointment, though. Can we talk about it?"

 

Chances are she is tired and angry about something else, and yes, should shouldn't have cursed at you and yelled.... but you didn't really help the situation either by yelling back at her and giving her an attitude.

 

If you had approached her as above, I wonder if the outcome would have been different? Less explosive? What do you think?

 

i tried the above at first. and she shot me down. so i got defenseive and an attitude.

[BrokenWingedFaery]

"i dont have the capability to "just shut up and take it" yet..i mean im trying but im not there."

 

It's probably for the best, I take entirely too much crap from everyone, especially my mother, but do pick your battles.

[nottoogreen]

You mom's response is like mine. Ok, mine knocked holes into my head too.

 

Lots of people are like that. There is one saying like "everyone rises to the level of ones incompetence", meaning that most adults are overburdened and unable to control their lives. The kids and the dog suffer besides themselves of course. Your mom is unhappy and stressed out and what not.

 

Most people are reactive instead of proactive. She could organize things, leave shopping in the car.

 

Your mom is OK and needs help, If she could relax a little, all your lives would be a little better again.

 

I know that you are her doormat right now but please try something.

 

What about manage yourself proactively how to help her. You know what help she needs and when. Write it down, print it out if you can, tell her you want to take care of her and help her.

 

As ever, patience and persistence and do not expect too much, and may you be surprised by the results.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

i cant help her with the things she needs help with tho.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

my mom is supporting my 2 oldest sister financialy. she gives my second oldest sister about 2-3 hundred a month for house payment and child care (since her bf doesnt have enough money to pay child support) and she buys my oldest sisters children clothes and other supplies- which is about 100 a month. she pays for my brothers car insurance and phone bills every month. PLUS she worries about my sisters and my brother- my brother is a major dumb***. he has 3 or 4 DWI's and went to jail. he drinks and drives. idiot. and she worries about her grand children. my mom and dad fight almost everyday. she has to constently nag him about taking his medication and viatmins and eating healthy.

[nottoogreen]

Yes, I understand you can't help her with that.

 

But you can help her in the house, bringing things up, perhaps pay some bills - she gives you money and bill. An hour a day for more peace seems worthwhile.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

i dont have any money. i dont have a job. i DO MOST of the chores in the house. im not allowed to have a job. "you have neough time for work. you need to focus on school and friends"

[BrokenWingedFaery]

Seeing as you seem to be in a situation where you can't do anymore than you already are, I'd just try to ignore her when she gets like that. She IS stressed, but looking at that list of things she's dealing with, it's not because of you.

 

So just try not to take anything she says personally.

[RelaxByWater84]

Just a note on why your mom doesn't want you to get a job. My mom had to work when she was a teen and didn't get to go out much. She had to work so she could buy clothes. And she didn't want that for me so that was the reason she gave me.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

yeah...me and my mom apologized to each other. altho i apologized first and al she said was "me too". but yeah

[Meow18]

I think that was good of you. You are being the bigger person by apologizing first.