Friends who make catty comments

[RelaxByWater84]

I have a friend who makes a lot of catty comments about strangers who we pass by everytime we spend time together. For instance we saw a middle-school aged couple walking around holding hands, I thought they were really cute, she was pretty and he looked he should be in a punk band. My friend made the comment I wonder how long it will be til she finds out shes too pretty to be with him. I was appalled at the comment. Oh and in the mall one girl who had a voluptous figure tried on a red dress, even though I'm straight, I thought she looked hot in it. My friend whispered in my ear that she looked like a big tomato and the girl heard the comment. I was soooo embarrassed for the both of us. I wanted to disappear into the carpet. She is a good friend to me and I want to keep her friendship how do I turn the conversation into positive one? And how do I tell her that her comments are not nice without being catty myself? I don't want to be at that level.

[BellaDonna]

It sounds like she's very insecure and immature. She must like to pick on others to make herself feel better.

 

Next time she does soemthing like this- call her out on it- you might want to say something like " I wish you did not share your negative comments about strangers with me" or "picking on people gets old after a while- move on" or "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"....

 

BellaDonna

[flower99]

ouch, I hate that! I have a friend that did that.

After a number of incidents. I eventually told her "Shhh...don't you see you are hurting people & I don't like being a part of that."

She protested at first...but hasn't done it around me since.

 

Than if you do want to try making it more positive, compliment strangers around her.

Smiles are contagious (:

[Meow18]

Wow. No offense, but your friend sounds really immature. And her comments, especially about the tomato, are rude. But you know that already..

 

Anyways, I think next time she makes a comment like that, just comment back something positive. Like for example about the couple, you could have said something like "Well, I think they look cute together and he's probably a really sweet guy and she deserves that". And about the lady, you could have said, "I think she looks really nice, and it's great that she has the confidence to wear something like that".

 

I mean, it's not that you have to say something positive when she says something to you first, but I think it would show your friend that you aren't into making rude comments about other people. It will also maybe make her learn not to think rude things about others.

 

Or, you could simply just say that you don't think it's right to make comments like that about other people you don't even know, and if she wants to do it fine, but you really don't want to be part of it.

 

I mean, if you feel strongly enough about this, you really need to do something here.

[justpaisley]

You could go the passive aggressive route. Shoot her a look, and then completely change the subject. For example, when you were in the mall, you could have shot her the look then said something off the wall about a store nearby. Eventually she'll get the point that you're not game for the constant gossipping. I think that if you confront her directly, she'll say something along the lines of "I'm just joking," or "you're too sensitive" and make it all about you. Just don't engage her - talk about something else.

[flower99]

You could just say what you were actually thinking; that you thought the young couple looked adorable and that you thought the woman in the red dress looked stunningly beautiful. That way she will probably realise she is being very negative, that you don't share her views and she may feel embarrassed that she said something bad about something you liked.

 

Good one, I like this too. Say what you acutally think especially when it contradicts her negative comments.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Echo all the above - you sound like a really nice person, and I agree, it's very wearing being dragged down by someone else's negativity.

 

Love the idea of responding with a compliment about whoever she's slating; and then if that doesn't work, tell her straight - that her negativity is making her sound sour and bitter, and frankly a bit dull to be around. Bet you *anything* that she changes quite quickly - or else tries to be catty about you, and call you 'pollyanna' or something; and then when that fails, she'll learn not to be like that around you (and maybe stop altogether?)

 

Good luck!

[RelaxByWater84]

Thanks all. Yeah my friend is immature but she thinks she's more mature than I am cuz she's had sex and all that and I haven't. I'll try the counter-compliment method see how that goes or beat her to the line like say oh, that girl looks great in that dress. Thank-you all sooo much.

[Meow18]

It's kind of too bad that she views maturity level by what you do sexually.

 

But you know, it's good that she has a friend like you who is a good person to other people and she can and will hopefully learn from that. Just don't be afraid to let her know that you don't appreciate rudeness even if it's to people you don't know.

[babypink61]

Ew, I have friends that are like that too! And I HATE it when they do that . . . makes them appear so immature and shallow. But the other posters are right, they only do that because they feel insecure about themselves, so they feel the need to make fun of other people. I find the best way to shut them up to voice my own opinion. Next time when they make rude comments like that, just say something back to them.

[Abby]

How about when you're with her and she makes a comment, say, like the couple in your example. If you sense she's going to say something, acknowledge the people as you're passing (yes, say hello/how do/whatever), then say, "What? Bill and Norma? Nah, they're the nicest people around etc." She'll have the shock of her life if she thinks you actually know them!