Tell me what you think...

[xxmrxx]

Hey, I'm brand new here, but this site has been helpful to me so far. Heres my situation. I had been dating this girl for 3 years, I'm 25 she's 21. We were great compliments to each other and for what I thought very in love. During the 3 years I had made the mistake of taking her for granted, due to my work schedule, stress, ect.

The day after this past xmas she called me and said "we have to talk". She stated that she had always gone from boyfriend to boyfriends since she's been young and didn't know what it was like to be alone. So she wanted to be single to find herself. She still wanted to be friends thou. Needless to say I was devastated and finally realized how much she had really meant to me. Since then we have been great friends.

We would still go out occasionally and would talk all the time. I had a good feeling that we would get back togather. She even started kissing me again and would call me up late at night when she was drunk, saying how much she loved me, but needed to be by herself for a while still. I respected that and didn't make any advances. Even last month when we went out we ended up hooking up at the end of the night.

But about 3 weeks ago things started to change. She wasn't calling me any more. And didn't return my phone calls or text messages. It was killing me cause I didn't know what was going on. Then one day I saw her away message on aim said "at Marks ". So I knew something must be up, but she couldn't just tell me for some reason. She finally sent me a message on Myspace saying that she thought we were better friends than boyfriend girlfriend and she had moved on and will be seeing other people. I didn't know what to say. I told her I was hurt but knew that there was nothing I could do, and I wanted her to be happy even though seeing her with another guy would hurt me very much.

Within the last week I have gone from her number 1 friend on Myspace, to not on there at all. Wed. she posted on a friends page an animation of ppl having sex. and her friend posted back saying "weekend activities all in one pic" Yesterday she put up he new profile pic with her and her new guy Mark. She know that all of these things hurt me yet continues to rub it in. Why would she do this to me? She know what I'm going through and it seems like she's trying to kick me when I'm down. How can a person change so fast?

Also this other guy is a 20 yr old construction worker who is a real big pothead and gets with a lot of girls. Do you think that this might just be part of finding herself and maybe she still has feelings for me but has to do these things so she can forget about me for the time being?

My plan is to let her be with him and not bother her. I am going to try to find someone else in the mean time. I want to keep our friendship and I think the best way is to by not bugging her. I think this kid will eventually break up with her or cheat on her. If that happens I have a letter written explaining how much I took her for granted and how much I really cared about her. I think I will send it to her to see if there are any feelings left for me or if she has truly moved on. What do you guys think about this and my other questions? Thanks for any and all of your help in this very hard time.

[kellbell]

Hi there and welcome to eNotAlone.

 

I am so sorry about yout breakup. It appears to me your ex used you (not melicuously) to get over the rough spots. You were her emotional crutch to get through the heartache of the breakup, which in turn allowed her to ease into another relationship.

 

Your situation is case and point of why I discourage ex's to continue to hang out after the breakup and continue to be intimiate.

 

I would hold off from meeting someone at this point because I feel you would be using that person to get over your ex and you sound like a nice guy to do that. I would try to heal from all this and focus on you. Full NC with your ex at this point, try not to look at her mySpace page and block her from your IM list. If she calls or texts, I would try your best not to respond. There is a good chance things will not work out with the new guy so be prepared for her calling you. You do not want to be second best or her fall back guy. And I would not worry about the guy she is with now.

 

Wanting friendship with her, well, those feelings may change after you started healing. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. Post here as much as you need, there is a lot of advice and support here.

 

P.S. Do not send that letter, even if this guy breaks her heart. She has to live with the consequences of her choices and this whole break up. Try not to be her hero.

[xxmrxx]

Thanks a lot for the advice. It really helps. Do you think she is doing these hurtful things to hurt me or is there some other reason?

[need2bme]

I am sorry this is happening to you, but you need to understand that you need YOU! This is going to rip your heart out, but it will rip less, if you stay away from that site.

 

All of this should give you clear thought that regardless of why, this is not the kind of person you want to be with right now.

 

Post on here and get out with some friends. I know it is hard, because I have yet to get over my breakup, but ya gotta stay off her site.